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To expect teacher to ask DD 6 a few more questions about her illness when she is crying with pain?

(59 Posts)
GobbolinoCat Wed 23-Oct-13 22:00:57

Twice now the school has surprised me with this.

1) Sunday DD seems to be ill, dreadful headache, glassy eyes but no other symptoms.

Monday morning she seems totally fine, we send her to school she is v happy to go.

I email and call the school to tell them, she seemed to be v ill the day before but fine today however, she is shy and will probably not feel OK to approach a teacher yet to say she is ill. Can someone just ask her if she OK at some point to make sure, and if not I can pick her up.


Pick up DD she looks horrendous, pale, red round eyes, tired, weeping, goes straight to bed when gets home and says no one asked her!

Call school, only get office staff who said she did pass on the message and someone told her to put her coat on confused. Didn't take it further as thought maybe they did ask her but that she did not relate that to me.


DD sick sunday, off school Monday, mostly OK Monday back to school Tuesday, fine Tuesday and Tuesday night and Wed am.

Collect her Wednesday am and she is in another dreadful state, the lady has her arms round her, and as soon as she gets in the car she vomits everywhere, wailing with headache etc.

Ask her did she not tell the teacher and she said she did tell the teacher and the teacher said " don't cry".

That was it.

I do not know how to proceed with this, what is general policy?

I would expect a teacher or someone to notice she was ill as she is crying, pale, looks ill - it was obvious today, and ask her a few more questions and perhaps phone me to come and get her?

I took her to docs after and the doc was carrying her for me, I have never seen him be so nice, he was saying, you poor thing you don't look well! It was obvious she wasn't well and the teacher had spoken to her.

What do I say? Is this normal? Its just we get lots of strong messages to make sure the children go in...

GobbolinoCat Thu 24-Oct-13 00:27:49

Do you worry about her a lot, do you think? And I mean that nicely, IYKWIM

she gets loads of head injury slips, about 1 a week, sometimes more.

That's when she has had a run in, in the play ground.

I am concerned they didn't realise how she needed to come home today, and I needed to be told.

If she was like that after a head injury, I would have been very concerned.

thehorridestmumintheworld Thu 24-Oct-13 00:27:58

I work in a school and from what I have seen they would normally call the parent if the child was obviously unwell, but they might not ask her if she was looking ok. Normally the child would tell the teacher or ta and the ta would deal with it. I think you should go in and see the teacher you will feel better if you talk directly to her and just say you felt she should have been sent home and that you want her to be made aware who to talk to if she has a problem in future.

PedlarsSpanner Thu 24-Oct-13 00:28:28

If she was sick on Sunday she shouldn't have gone back to school til Wednesday, surely? I think you were pushing it a bit, A flouting the 48 hour rule (grrrrrr) and B not allowing her time to recover at home, no wonder she was feeling RUBBISH on the Weds after school

I agree with BackFor, you generally don't ask children if they are feeling ill or unwell as a matter of course.

IamInvisisble Thu 24-Oct-13 00:30:03

You don't know how see presented to the teacher. She could well have just been a bit quieter than usual. She might have started to cry 10 minutes before home time and the "don't cry" could well have been "Awww lovey, don't cry. Mummy'll be here soon."

I think you are over reacting a bit. The teacher and TA are not mind readers. Your DD needs to tell them if she feels poorly and you need to get the importance of that across to her. I am sure she asks for other things, like the toilet for example.

She'll have to stay home for the rest of the week now because it's 48 hours after the last vomit before she can go back to school. I hope she is better soon.

GobbolinoCat Thu 24-Oct-13 00:31:01

Thanks Horrid.

I tried to do that last time, when I asked if someone could just ask her if she was ok and open up the lines of communication,

I would have expected the TA to say " Cat child, I heard you were not well last night but felt better today, if you feel very unwell again you know you can tell me, and I will call your mummy?"

I will just have to do it again, I do not feel the school or staff are very approachable. I find these things v akward.

PedlarsSpanner Thu 24-Oct-13 00:31:21

Good post, Iam

Pancakeflipper Thu 24-Oct-13 00:31:24

Gobblino - i not saying this to be mean as I am really not a meanie. But reading this you sound stressed. Have you managed to get a decent amount of sleep with this bug and your baby ?

Children get ill at school just like they get ill at home. No teacher wants a sick child on their class which is why children are to stay at home until better.

Speak to the the teacher about your concerns, or the key stage leader.
I hope you daughter feels better soon.

FreyaFridays Thu 24-Oct-13 00:34:35

To be perfectly honest, this is why I would never work in primary school. Too many pfb parents worrying themselves sick (ironically) over the tiniest of incidents. Of course the school would have alerted you if your child was dangerously ill. But she wasn't, she had a stomach upset at most. Of course they would have noticed if she was truly, desperately ill, but you have no idea of how she presented herself at school, other than a small child saying someone told her not to cry, which probably isn't even the entire conversation. Children amongst their friends will often present themselves as being utterly well, since they're having fun playing, it's only towards the end of the day when parents start turning up and the playing stops that they begin to realise they feel poorly.

The after school club is an entirely separate issue to the classroom.

Honestly, it's cliche, but the teacher really does NOT have time to triage children all day long. And if you stop for every sniffle or tummy ache to call home, not a great deal of learning will be taking place that day.

Sorry to sound harsh, but this really is too small an issue. Part of starting school is beginning to learn independence, which includes talking to other grown-ups about how you are feeling/if something's wrong.

GobbolinoCat Thu 24-Oct-13 00:35:49

I can only ask my DD to tell the teachers or TA so much.,

I have said till I am BLUE in the face.

Over and over again, and i will keep saying it but DD has been ill twice now and no one has helped her at school and no one has rung me, and no one there is backing me up!

if the teacher isn't approachable or doesn't ask the child when the parent has asked them too, I am not sure what else I can do.

Mummy wasn't here soon, mummy was another hour because she didn't know.

Yes re 48 rule, she had one instance of vomiting and seemed so much better with no more sickness rest of day or monday when at home.

will err on side of extreme caution in future

GobbolinoCat Thu 24-Oct-13 00:37:50

pancake yes I am stressed, have baby who has been not sleeping and I have hurt my back, having to carry baby and sick 6 year old has not been fun.

GobbolinoCat Thu 24-Oct-13 00:41:05


I do not trust the school I guess.

Before on collection they have told me I owe dinner money when did not. Got DD home and she is pale all of a sudden then tells me she had a head injury before she came home and had an ice pack confused. There was no slip and they did not tell me, it was almost too late to call the school to find out if this was true!

IamInvisisble Thu 24-Oct-13 00:42:49

The teacher didn't know either Gobbolino. Children deteriorate really quickly. She might have thought your DD was tired. If your DD doesn't tell her, how is she supposed to know? How many days after she has come back from being ill do you want them to check that she is OK? They probably think that as you have sent her back to school she is well enought to be there and she shouldn't need checking, tbh.

thehorridestmumintheworld Thu 24-Oct-13 00:43:55

You should go in Cat and just have a little chat with the teacher, go in after school when they are not so busy. Its good to get to know the teacher a bit, can you do some kind of volunteering and get involved that way. I know not always possible with a baby. But don't be scared to go and talk to the teacher, they don't mind unless you are there every day with some quibble. Anyway she can now stay off till after half term so you don't have to worry for a week.

Pancakeflipper Thu 24-Oct-13 00:44:11

It's not fun. And sending you an illegal MN hug.

I would talk to the teacher that you feel twice your child had been ignored (and keep in mind you think your child hasn't the confidence to approach their teacher). See what the teachers take on this is.

Hope you get some rest.

Pancakeflipper Thu 24-Oct-13 00:45:19

And I think all the children are looking wiped out at the moment - they need half term.

pennefab Thu 24-Oct-13 00:45:40

The only idea I would add for future consideration (past is past, can't change what happened, only plan for future)... What about canceling after school club on the days she's not in peak health? You just make decision to pick her up that afternoon and communicate it to all in the morning.

Sometimes it's those hours after school time when they start to feel effects of long day and start to feel worse exponentially quicker. Seems like they can mentally/physically hold it together until 2:30 ... By 3:00 it's a whole other thing.

Plus, if she knows that she's going into the day feeling 75% good - but knows that the day will end at regular school hrs & she doesn't have to push it further ... She may feel less stressed about holding it all together until she sees you. The stress of holding it together takes a toll.

Just a thought & hope she's feeling tip top soon.

thehorridestmumintheworld Thu 24-Oct-13 00:49:57

That head injury thing is a bit strange I have never heard of that before. It seems like she gets a lot of head injuries? I would be a bit concerned about that. Why does she keep bumping her head? Why does the school have a special slip?

GobbolinoCat Thu 24-Oct-13 09:03:04

Thanks people I feel a bit calmer about it today now had some sleep, all i can do is have a quick word with the teacher.

horrid they have to give us a slip when they hurt their heads and she gets them loads.

RedHelenB Thu 24-Oct-13 09:08:54

If my child was under the weather I would not put them in an after school club if i was at home so YABU there. If your child was crying in class, even if she was too shy to tell the teacher there would definitely be a lot of other children who aren't at that age & will say X is crying!

RedHelenB Thu 24-Oct-13 09:10:23

Oh & the golden rule as a teacher or a parent is NOT to ask a child how they are feeling if they seem ok cos they always then develop complaints! If she was unwell before she went to school the responsibility lies with you I'm afraid.

DeWe Thu 24-Oct-13 09:29:18

Children don't always give the correct answer.
If you ask dd1 if she's feeling ill, she will always tell you she's fine. She was saying that (age 8) as I took her into the doctors where he diagnosed cronic pneumonia and was surprised that she could even sit up let alone stand with her statistics. She was trying to walk to school...
Dd2 will always tell you something's wrong. If you suggest a headache... she's got one, tummyache... yep that as well... She can even make herself look pale. Don't know how she does it... can produce tears at will too.

Ds is the easiest for me because he gets a distinctive smell, and a particular look when ill. I can tell. No one else can. I remember once though he did a 30minute class. Bounced in, skipped out. All fine and happy. 10 minutes later his temperature was over 40degrees and he could hardly stand.

It's not easy for a teacher.

BonaDea Thu 24-Oct-13 09:30:11

As usual on MN, heaven forbid that a teacher should be in the wrong or be actually expected to do anything other than teach! I get that time is short and that they cant give tons of individual attention, but surely to god if a child clearly looks ill they should do something.

OP - I don't think you are being precious at all. I think it is worth mentioning to the teacher in a polite but firm way.

Btw, have you considered whether she might be suffering from migraine?

singinggirl Thu 24-Oct-13 09:47:05

Also worth remembering that while you know signs of illness in your child, the teacher doesn't. Some children, especially at this end of the term, are so pale and tired that it is a normal look for them. Children of this age also go downhill, and uphill again very rapidly. DS2 at five was admitted to hospital one day with convulsions and a temperature of over 40. Fine by the next evening and back at school the following day! Have a conversation, but try not to go in all guns blazing.

GobbolinoCat Thu 24-Oct-13 13:34:11

Bona Thanks flowers, I was posting to get an idea of what teachers do at other peoples schools, what policy is.

Yes I have been thinking about migranes as I am a sufferer though they have become thankfully rarer.

It has crossed my mind she may get them too I think it was at this age I started to get them sad.

Re: The teacher can't tell and does not know, I did try and make it as clear as possible from my OP just how ill she looked, so ill, she was being escorted by the the after school lady and also the doctors reaction. She looked ghaslty and she was crying.

This really was not border line.

She was not, not ill in the am, which is why we sent her in, she had been the previous day all as normal.

Just chatting to some other people about it and they seem to have a sort of sick room, they take the childs temperature, and call you if they think the child is ill.

Our school said this am, they do not get sent home unless they are actually being sick into a bowl, confused

Redhelen as said in op she was clearly very obviously ill. I had no idea she was ill as no one told me or called me, hence as usual she went onto this other club. She didn't have too and I would not have sent her had I had known.

babybythesea Thu 24-Oct-13 14:45:25

I also think that it's possible she looked ok until shortly before you arrived, and that the 'Don't cry' was a sympathetic one because they knew you'd already be on your way (which might also explain why they didn't ring you).

If my dd (reception class) says she feels unwell, I encourage her to go in anyway - often, by the time we get to school she's forgotten. And we've been lucky so far - she hasn't been unwell this half term so haven't had to deal with anything like your dd's bugs. However (and this is the relevant bit), if she's said she feels unwell, I go in to see the teacher in the morning, and catch either her or the TA personally to say "DD said first thing she had tummy ache/earache. I think she's fine, and she's been fine since she ate breakfast, but if she fades let me know - I can come and get her. I've told her to tell you if she feels ill." I don't rely on messages being sent through from the office, just in case! I also then say my goodbyes to dd and tell her then that if she feels unwell, Mrs X/Miss Z know that she felt funny this morning because I've told them so they won't mind if she tells them she feels poorly, which hopefully means she will feel more comfortable saying to them if she feels off. I don't expect them to ask her though - I know from my own experience with DD that if I ask her if she feels ok she's liable to discover a headache or similar so I wouldn't want them prompting her to feel ill at school! The exception would be if they thought she really looked unwell - obviously I'd expect them to question that but as I said before, I would check that this didn't happen 10 minutes before you arrived anyway. Do you know for certain, for example, that she said she felt poorly before the after-school club? Or did she actually only say it towards the end of the club?

Is it possible to go in to school yourself if she's been unwell in the run-up, and explain? Our school is very rural, and tiny, so they encourage lots of popping in and out - I realise it might not be possible elsewhere.

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