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To think not looking like you parents

(215 Posts)
DevonLodger Wed 23-Oct-13 20:59:48

Is not a good reason to take a child into care and carry out a DNA test.

I look nothing like my daughters. Should I be worried?

DevonLodger Wed 23-Oct-13 22:27:15

Interesting comments and reassuring that generally people think I'm not BU. No legitimate parent about whom no other concerns have been raised should be required to produce evidence that a child is theirs based on lack of resemblance alone. My lovely white friends in London who have adopted 2 Chinese girls have never had been visited by the police. Funny that.

givemeaboost Wed 23-Oct-13 22:27:51

But in the greek case, they have video evidence of the girl stood on the street dancing for money from strangers.
I don't think its racist at all, travelling communities are notoriously hard to keep tabs on (from my experience at work) and where there have been suspicions in the past eg ben needham reportedly said to have been seen in a traveller camp shortly after his disappearance, the little girl in Greece found in a traveller camp, then they obviously need to investigate.

I don't think being taken away for 24 hrs is necessarily going to traumatise her for life, she will have been taken by people used to dealing with scared children, to a safe place.

harticus Wed 23-Oct-13 22:33:45

there have been suspicions in the past

And you can add whatever you like to that phrase - suspicions about gypsies, Jews, Blacks, Asians ...... take your pick.
What are these suspicions founded on?
Couldn't be racism by any chance could it?

ILoveNoodles Wed 23-Oct-13 22:34:31

I really, really am glad this wouldn't happen here.
We'd be fucked.
I am black as in full black from the West Indies. And I look black.
My son is mixed. His dad is white.
My son looks white and has blue eyes.
We have different surnames.
To just look at him you would think I was either babysitting or the nanny.
I have been asked if I was his nanny angry angry
It is damn right out of order.

friday16 Wed 23-Oct-13 22:36:31

where there have been suspicions in the past eg ben needham reportedly said to have been seen in a traveller camp shortly after his disappearance

"reportedly said to have been seen".

This, presumably, is child protection by people who think that what went wrong during the Satanic Abuse debacle was that not enough children were taken into care?

archieplacid Wed 23-Oct-13 22:36:38

giveme so a missing child allegedly seen in a camp proves what? scared is scared love. you try it sometime to be taken away from everyone you know, with no explanation possibly in a scene of chaos and hysterics and then give a little shrug and think know what, we will look back at this and laugh in years to come.
Go on, have a go

MrsDeVere Wed 23-Oct-13 22:36:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jacks365 Wed 23-Oct-13 22:43:24

I'm dark haired with green eyes my ex is very dark haired, brown eyes and very dark olive skinned. We both take after our fathers side of the families our daughter however has very fair skin blue eyes and ginger hair, that colouring comes from our mothers, one being Scottish the other Irish. You wouldn't pick us as her parents from a line up but she is very definitely ours.

Strumpetron Wed 23-Oct-13 22:46:31

It's ridiculous because it's all down to perception anyway

Me and my dad used to get 'aw she's the spits of you'. Little did they know he wasn't my biological dad, he'd brought me up from me being 2.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 23-Oct-13 22:54:16

giveme based on two or three things, one of which is a rumour, you think a child should be taken away from its parents if someone calls and says they don't look alike?

I worked for SS next door to the children's team. I sometimes saw children being led or carried through our office because they had been removed. They were crying, sobbing, clinging to the SWs. Yes traumatised.

BrianTheMole Wed 23-Oct-13 22:58:35

You can't tar a whole community with that though gimmeaboast. Otherwise the same would be for everyone who has a child that doesn't look like them. It is racist, what else can you call it?

BrianTheMole Wed 23-Oct-13 23:00:25

My child looks nothing like me. Would it be ok for the police to come to my house and take her away until it can be proven she is my daughter?

sydlexic Wed 23-Oct-13 23:03:27

My DF is Italian, I am olive skinned, dark haired, dark eyes and short. My DD is very tall, blonde, blue eyed. Should I be worried.

friday16 Wed 23-Oct-13 23:04:01

Would it be ok for the police to come to my house and take her away until it can be proven she is my daughter?

What's the generally accepted rate of people turning out not to be the children of their acknowledged parents? About 5%?

BrianTheMole Wed 23-Oct-13 23:06:21

No idea mate.

DontGiveAwayTheHomeworld Thu 24-Oct-13 08:05:08

DP and DS aren't biologically related, but DS looks a lot like him, and has picked up most of his little quirks and mannerisms. He's also blond as anything, so doesn't look much like me. But I was blond as a kid, proper golden hair, and it had gone mousey brown by the time I hit my teens.

It's bloody ridiculous. There has to be a better way to investigate this sort of thing.

motherinferior Thu 24-Oct-13 10:48:24

It is actually quite traumatic - not in a majorly damaging but in a day to day v wearing and distressing way - to explain, again and again, that yes this is your parent/child - as I'm sure other people on this thread will attest.

I can very, very vividly imagine being taken away from my mother when I was small. (When I say I am white, I don't mean the sort of white you associate with being mixed-race, but white as a sheet. Irish-style white. My mother, on the other hand, is fully Indian.)

I really don't think it would have been a very good 24 hours.

jellyboatsandpirates Thu 24-Oct-13 11:16:08

After the Greek Roma case, I'm far more comfortable with the fact that police are more willing to check, just in case.
If it all turns out to be innocent, it will be found to be like the Irish girl.
Better safe than sorry.

NotYoMomma Thu 24-Oct-13 11:23:31

im adopted so obviously look fuck all like my parents

however MY dd looks like nobody! not me, not dh, im adsuming she may look like some of my extended biological family (maybe/ maybe not)

I would like to think dh and bil werent related thoughas they look and act so differently lol. I got the nice one wink

Imsosorryalan Thu 24-Oct-13 11:24:12

I think its frankly disgusting that they can turn up and take away a child as young as 2 from the only parents it's ever known, regardless of the fact of true heritage. I just keep thinking of all these poor children, probably taken while distressed and put in a 'care' facility it seems as long as 2-3 days!

Imagine your child being taken away for that long with no explanation and no idea when you'd see your parents again. I understand the need to investigate but why can't the child stay at home while it is investigated? If necessary post a police officer there if they're worried about the family absconding. I can't imagine a few nights in a care facility costs anymore than an officer.

Willemdefoeismine Thu 24-Oct-13 11:27:10

I pondered the same thing myself OP! DD is entirely different to look at from me and I often get looks as if to say "you're not her Mummy" but I most certainly am and she never left my side in hospital so I know she's not been switched!

Kewcumber Thu 24-Oct-13 11:31:00

Yes Devon - DS was adopted from Central Asia - so we will be fine because they aren't trying to rescue beige children from white people only the other way around.

Properly investigate if there are suspicions (more substantial than "but she's blonde") but unless the child is being abused or neglected then leave well alone whilst investigation happens.

BrianTheMole Thu 24-Oct-13 11:32:41

After the Greek Roma case, I'm far more comfortable with the fact that police are more willing to check, just in case.
If it all turns out to be innocent, it will be found to be like the Irish girl
Better safe than sorry.

Then answer this honestly. Would you really be happy if the police turned up on your doorstep and took your child away, until it could be proven that the child is yours? Imagine the trauma to your family and your child? Would you really be ok with this?

Kewcumber Thu 24-Oct-13 11:38:04

Apparently some white middle aged English woman once stole a child so I think its perfectly reasonable to expect all white middle class english women to have their child removed whilst we establish whether child is really hers.

Venushasrisen Thu 24-Oct-13 11:38:58

The police don't act because they think a situation looks suspicious. They act because someone has reported something and they are then obliged to follow it up. They can't sit on their behinds saying 'Aww, this looks like a load of nonsense.' They have a job to do (presuming the laws in Ireland are the same as the UK).

So far we don't know who reported their suspicions about the child to the police, how many reported it, if they were in a position of authority, like the child's teacher or just their next door neighbour.

Shame they didn't do dna test first but hindsight is a wonderful thing.

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