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I gave my friend armfuls of clothes as she had started a new job and had nothing smart to wear

(152 Posts)
redrubyshoes Wed 23-Oct-13 20:20:50

She was made redundant and it took nearly a year for her to find a new job. Her new position needed her to look smart and I let her raid my wardrobe for suitable clothes and shoes.

The clothes she took with my blessing were LK Bennett, Mulberry, Hobbs etc and I wished her well in her new job.

She told me yesterday she had sold the lot on Ebay for £500+

I gave her the clothes to WEAR not flog. I was made redundant earlier this year and I know how it feels but found work quite quickly (with a massive pay cut).

Ermmm I could have sold them! AIBU? confused Should I ask for 50% of the sale?

Supergeek Wed 23-Oct-13 20:39:52

That is shockingly rude. I would be seriously pissed off with any friend who did that. They were a gift to help her out, not profit from. How cheeky.

redrubyshoes Wed 23-Oct-13 20:40:17

Good point that I gave them to her so they are hers to do what she wishes. I have 'leant' her clothes, bags and jewellery before and got them back.

Lesson learnt I guess but I am a little angry but very hurt. The Mulberry clothing upset me and thank god I didn't give her my handbags and vintage stuff.

As I said upthread I was made redundant but now work in a wonderful job that does not require smart clothes.

Ok Redruby cowboy up and move on. Get some bricks, build a bridge and get over it. It is only a few outfits.....................but a massive betrayal of 'trust' or 'friendship' or 'generosity' ?

bimbabirba Wed 23-Oct-13 20:40:41

It would be different if they were supermarket clothes with no resale value. You just don't put designers clothes on Ebay before asking the person who's given them if they want them back

PurpleCrazyHorse Wed 23-Oct-13 20:45:25

I'd be annoyed at how quickly it appears they were sold. If she'd worn them for ages and then sold them, it would be a bit different. However it sounds like she took the stuff with a high resell value and sold it straight away. That's shocking.

Personally, I'd not be offering her anything else.

Minnieisthedevilmouse Wed 23-Oct-13 20:46:49

Op, rethink the friendship.

I would suggest coffee where you express that you were hurt/surprised at her selling them. Was there time between two actions? Did she enhale Cadbury and no longer fit so sold?

I'd be right miffed. In my book not on. She should have given back, offered back or mentioned might sell did you want something back.

If you can't ask/talk then it's not a deep friendship so avoid situation again.

Retroformica Wed 23-Oct-13 20:49:24

She should give you all the money

HelloBoys Wed 23-Oct-13 20:50:14

OP I've got a Q - suppose you'd never found out what happened e.g. been sold etc.

would you then be annoyed that she hadn't told you? what do you seriously think she was saying/gaining by telling you of the Ebaying and the profiteering? Did she sound sneery/didn't want your cast offs etc or was she genuinely pleased she'd sold some nice clothes for a profit and wanted to share the good news with you?

If it's sneery and cast-off charity dislike of you from her then you have a problem. I'd maybe not trust her more but TELL her why you're upset. don't NOT talk to her. If she was pleased she'd made a profit, didn't think you'd mind etc then also TALK to her about it, ASK her etc.

I do not understand why more people don't talk re this.

of course you can ignore all my advice and that's that. smile

HelloBoys Wed 23-Oct-13 20:50:50

Minnie - seems you and I are on similar page re this. smile

ThePinkOcelot Wed 23-Oct-13 20:51:52

That is shocking. I would not be impressed at all! What a cheek.

CoffeeTea103 Wed 23-Oct-13 20:54:42

It could be that she realized after that' she could sell the clothes, buy cheaper stuff and then use the money for something else. You said she wasn't working so maybe she needed the money. If she was sneaky then she wouldn't have told you how else would you have found out. She did tell you though, rather tell her how you feel.

IHaveA Wed 23-Oct-13 20:56:43

I would ask her for AT LEAST half the profit. That is more than reasonable of you. If you don't ask her you will never be able to forget it and it will bug you forever ...

ElBombero Wed 23-Oct-13 20:58:46

Oh my fucking god! I would be fuming. What was your reaction? I would ask for more than 50%. Cheeky cow shock

BrianTheMole Wed 23-Oct-13 21:00:11

She should give you the money. How rude of her to do that, esp as you were doing her a favor. You could have sold them yourself.

redrubyshoes Wed 23-Oct-13 21:00:14

Helloboys and Minnie

If I thought she was going to flog them I would have leant them to her. I 'gave' them to help her out with a new job where she needed to look smart.
As I said upthread I have 'leant' her clothes such as cocktail dresses, jewellery, bags and shoes for special events. If I were mercenary I would have 'rented' them for a deposit. She has never 'sneered' at wearing my 'cast offs'. I am not wealthy but buy clothes that I consider 'classic' and will not date.

My thirteen year old god-daughter raids my wardrobe for vintage clothes. I lend them to her.

Awomansworth Wed 23-Oct-13 21:01:00

I would not be impressed if one of my friends did this, you clearly gave her the clothes for her new job and if she didn't like them she should have declined your generous offer, not see it as an opportunity to make a quick buck.

I would have been very clear how unhappy I was with her actions, and be cooling off the friendship.

Jinty64 Wed 23-Oct-13 21:01:23

I give all my ds3's clothes to a friend for her younger ds. Some of it is really good stuff joules, gap etc and ds3 is not hard on clothes so most of it is like new. once her ds has outgrown it I am happy for her to pass it on or sell it as it has been given not lent however I would not expect her to sell it as soon as she got it and if she did it would be the last she got from me.

I wouldn't ask for money I would end the friendship.

ZenNudist Wed 23-Oct-13 21:02:47

Yes it's an awful grabby thing to do. I'm gobsmacked you gave then her in the first place. I assume you are very well off & have tons of beautiful stuff?

But once given then I guess they are hers to do with as she wishes. A couple of outfits might buy a new selection that are more her taste if not the designer brand.

You were happy to lose the clothes, I can see its an insult to your taste & generosity. Just chalk it up to experience. Being so generous can often have its downside. I hope you don't let people take advantage of you often, it's a bad habit to be in!!

PinkStarStuck Wed 23-Oct-13 21:05:24

£500+? or do you know the exact amount? Do you think she got a fair price or just sold them cheap for an easy sale and some quick cash?

Personally I would be really hurt, I gave some suits to a friend who had just qualified and it really set her up, if she had sold the suits she wouldn't have been able to buy that quality again new.

Batmam Wed 23-Oct-13 21:08:18

Omfg I'd be fuming.

But OP please answer the Q everybody else has asked...what did you say to her when she told you?!?

slothlike Wed 23-Oct-13 21:11:48

Wow. Even if you did give rather than lend, it should be obvious that it's not on to go selling them afterwards - it's not about the technicalities, it's about what's normal and appropriate! I wouldn't blame you for asking for a good share of that money, if not all of it.

redrubyshoes Wed 23-Oct-13 21:15:08


A mint condition Mulberry waistcoat made £85. I bought it in 1990.

Minnieisthedevilmouse Wed 23-Oct-13 21:15:46

Op then I'm definitely very sorry. She a bee-atch. A big buzzy annoying needs crushing kind of way.

Wish if known you when I'd needed smarts!

£500 won't get her far though. Barely to month end. Either she's mercenary or desperate....

Minnieisthedevilmouse Wed 23-Oct-13 21:17:25

Sorry, mulberry not to taste?!?!

My flabber is gasted....

hermioneweasley Wed 23-Oct-13 21:21:17

IMO the "done" thing if you are finished with stuff that you've been given in bulk is to ask the giver what they'd like you to do with it. Whenever I give kids clothes and baby equipment, people have always asked what I'd like them to do when they've finished with it.

It was quite clear that your intent was to help set her up with some smart clothes, not to give her things which she coukd sell.

I would tell her that you feel taken advantage of and see what she says.

candycoatedwaterdrops Wed 23-Oct-13 21:21:49

She is not a friend. Ditch her ASAP!

P.S. can I come over to raid your wardrobe please? grin

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