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To not think it's ok for adults to wee in the garden?

(96 Posts)
Weeweegate Tue 22-Oct-13 21:19:21

My father in law wees in my garden as does his brother, when they visit.

We don't have a downstairs toilet, just an upstairs one. It is not done when the toilet is occupied, they literally just go out the front door and wee rather than go upstairs. They're older (in their 70s) but not incapable of climbing the stairs by any means. They are from overseas and say this is common and acceptable behaviour in their country and nobody bats an eyelid about weeing in the garden. The uncle in law at least goes out the door and to one side (lucky neighbours) but FIL literally stands in the porch and pisses out.

I have made it abundantly clear that I find it absolutely unacceptable and disgusting, but they still do it, and think I'm uptight.

girlywhirly Thu 24-Oct-13 13:13:46

If it is just the front door he does this out of, you will have to keep that door locked all the time he is staying with you. Say it's because of a new home security initiative from the local rural police. Hint that they may make a visit at some point to check that everything is OK, due to some flashers/indecent exposure in the area recently.

OK, you might not want to lie. But if your DH persists in allowing this to go on, even though you are upset by it (rightly so) you need to get sneaky.

roseblanche Wed 23-Oct-13 19:51:28

I live in France. There was a thread on an 'ex pat' forum regarding spitting on the street. It developed into a discussion about pissing in the street. Most of the men (who now they live in France presume they are 'frencher than the french') didn't see a problem. It is not just pissing in your own garden we are talking about here, but pissing anywhere, in full sight of anyone, no matter the time or place.
This was the 'justification' given by one particular arsewipe:
"It is the male equivalent of breast feeding. I mean, it is anti-social, public and some people just want to have a look at what you've got"
And this is from a (supposed) HR Local Authority person, now retired in France. Nice, eh?

KissesBreakingWave Wed 23-Oct-13 18:51:44

WAAIT, not stepping out and finding a convenient bush or the compost heap, but just standing on the doorstep and letting fly? I think you're having your leg pulled about it being OK back in the old country.

Reasonable, because your house, your rules, but for your general fund of information letting drive into the compost heap is good for it, and peeing high up treetrunks and fenceposts convinces passing foxes your garden is the territory of some giant monster wolf.

VerySmallSqueak Wed 23-Oct-13 18:39:36

I like an outdoor wee personally.
Obviously not in the middle of the High Street though.

PhallicGiraffe Wed 23-Oct-13 17:10:16

I'm surprised people are so disgusted with this, when hundreds of dogs are allowed to piss in gardens, by lamp posts, letter boxes, grass verges etc, and no one bats an eyelid. Dog piss is just as bad as human piss.

Floggingmolly Wed 23-Oct-13 17:05:35

How often do you need to wee, Notta, that actually finding a toilet is such a hassle? hmm. If it was every 15 minutes it might be kind of understandable, but then if it was every 15 minutes you'd have a very real problem.
Who needs to squat in a field just because they're at the stables?

Nottalotta Wed 23-Oct-13 13:58:36

My dad and DH will wee at the bottom of the garden behind the shed if they are doing outdoor work. No downstairs loo so saves them cleaning up shoes off etc. Doesn't bother me. I wee outside most days when at the stables. No loo but a massive field, muckheap and field shelters to go at.....

GingerBlondecat Wed 23-Oct-13 13:51:07

Umm no, I'm Aussie and I've never seen this behaviour. How odd o.O

shewhowines Wed 23-Oct-13 10:09:11

Yes, your real problem is your DH. He has told them, you dont like it, but now he needs to tell them that he doesn't like the fact, that they are not respecting your feelings.

They've made it obvious they don't respect you, now get DH to respect you.

EmilyAlice Wed 23-Oct-13 10:07:49

I get the impression that nobody asks to use the loo here in rural France, because it is a hangover from the days when people didn't have them and they don't want to embarrass you (we have four before you ask).
We have at least one neighbour with no inside flushing toilet. It doesn't matter much here because everyone has plenty of space, but I agree it would be very unpleasant just outside the front door.
Could you explain that in England it isn't done and people will think they are very strange?

Millenniumbug1 Wed 23-Oct-13 09:58:06

I would have a bucket of water & bleach ready at the back door. Next time he decides to mark his territory from your front door, nip out of the back, with bucket, & throw it at him over the wee because nobody wants to walk in disgusting urine, walk it into the house etc, do they? grin

DidoTheDodo Wed 23-Oct-13 09:53:02

The peeing thing is disgusting, but the worst aspect of this is, to me, the absolute lack of respect that your in laws, and indeed your H, have for you.

You've said you find it unacceptable. This in itself should be enough to stop it ever happening gain.

Strong words with H are needed, I think.

reelingintheyears Wed 23-Oct-13 09:36:48

Better to be inside pissing out than outside pissing in.

But seriously, I wouldn't like it at all.

Sunnysummer Wed 23-Oct-13 09:31:39

I actually came on here thinking that objecting to the occasional garden wee was BU, but was swiftly corrected. A sneaky slash by the back fence when outdoors or if the loo is occupied is one thing, flopping your knob out of the front door of your DIL's home is completely bizarre!

It can hardly be totally usual wherever they come from, as if they pissed multiple times every day onto the same patch of grass or walkway their own front gardens would soon begin to reek (or become disturbingly swampy).

YANBU, my favourite idea so far is the water pistol smile

MisguidedAngel Wed 23-Oct-13 09:25:25

We are in (semi) rural France too, and see it all the time, men stop their cars on the verge and only just bother to get out to pee. My OH always pees in the garden (he's out there most of the time) but is discreet and it's true that it deters moles. (I'm quite surprised really, because with the amount of tea he drinks I would have thought it was too weak). He patrols, so each mole hill gets a regular dose. But I certainly wouldn't put up with him standing on the porch and pissing out!

Grennie Wed 23-Oct-13 09:19:37

AmandaHolden - Yes MN is strange like that.

valiumredhead Wed 23-Oct-13 09:07:28

I have a houseful of 'compost waterers'grin

liquidstate Wed 23-Oct-13 09:03:07

My DH pees behind the shed when he is doing the gardening. I hate that, even though we are in the middle of nowhere we do have neighbours (we are in a semi). We also have no downstairs loo and his argument is that he would have to traipse mud through the house.


letsgomaths Wed 23-Oct-13 07:21:59

Blackadder: "It's French to urinate in the street, but no reason to inflict it on the rest of us!"

Something that comes up on MN from time to time is:
"How dare anyone but me shit in my loo, especially workmen?!?!?!" Maybe your FIL has visited or worked for one such house.

Yes I know, different situation, different people, different OP; I just couldn't resist it. thlgrin (Look, we have little evil hats to wear!)

changeforthebetter Wed 23-Oct-13 06:04:15


Little DC are allowed to pee at the bottom of the longish garden which gives on to woods. It's steep and overgrown natural so it's like climbing three flights to get to the upstairs loo. I would expect anyone over the age of 11 to use the loo. Dd1 took a dump in the garden this summer (she s prone to um, eccentric behaviour). I let her know that was most definitely not Ok! angry

LilBlondePessimist Wed 23-Oct-13 06:03:54

I'm in Australia and NO ONE I know does this. If I was held a garden party/BBQ and someone did this I'd call them a putrid fucker and immediately eject them. Likewise if it happened at someone else's house, if they weren't asked to leave, I would. Never heard the likes, it's rude and foul - if a women did it she would be asked if she was on glue!?!

SanityClause Wed 23-Oct-13 05:58:03

I am Australian, and have never known any man to stand in the front door and pee out into the garden!

Peeing behind a bush at a barbecue when a lot of alcohol had been consumed, perhaps, but certainly not what the OP has described.

CharityFunDay Wed 23-Oct-13 05:46:59

Well, he's a relative and it would be a shame to fall out over something that is, at root, harmless.

Have you got a back garden, where your neighbours can't see?

Perhaps he should do it there, if he really can't resist peeing al fresco.

If you would find that acceptable, that is, and you would of course be the judge of what's acceptable on your own premises.

EmilyAlice Wed 23-Oct-13 05:32:35

Very common here in rural France. Nobody ever asks to use a loo even in a five hour lunch / dinner party and the men pee outside.
My OH pees on the compost bin, but that is for scientific reasons.

BearsBeetsBattlestarGalactica Wed 23-Oct-13 04:15:10

Bet they are aussie.

I have been to many a bbq/drinking session over here where the blokes piss in the garden. They generally do it on the far side of the back garden though, not out of the front door.

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