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To fall out with her over this and stop speaking to her

(158 Posts)
Opalite Sun 20-Oct-13 19:25:15

This woman who I met not too long ago but have been getting on well was round at my house, my DD, the woman and I were sitting outside and part of the conversation was my DD calling her dad and DSs dad 'useless twats' and a few other things. This is when the woman started saying you shouldnt speak about your dad like that, it's disrespectful and you wouldn't be here without him and loads of other crap. I was pissed off because firstly she was in our home telling my 16 year old DD what she should and shouldn't do and secondly because DD should be allowed to say her opinion about a person...
It made me feel really uncomfortable but I didn't shout at her or anything, I just said something like 'no, she can say what she wants and she's right etc.' then I said 'we should really get ready to go out now dd' and said to her that me and dd will be busy now, bye etc

We havent known each other for too long, I do have to see her very regularly though! I am wondering if I should just tell her I don't want to have much to do with her any more OR if I'm actually being unreasonable

squeakytoy Sun 20-Oct-13 19:27:21

your daughter sounds a right little charmer...

DorrisM Sun 20-Oct-13 19:28:15


SPsTombRaidingWithCliff Sun 20-Oct-13 19:28:41

I wouldn't fall out over that. Sounds like you want a reason not to see her. Is that the case?

MrsCakesPremonition Sun 20-Oct-13 19:29:19

This a reverse thread isn't it?

Otherwise YWBVVU

Spirulina Sun 20-Oct-13 19:29:29


HopeS01 Sun 20-Oct-13 19:29:39

I think it was inappropriate of her to comment! She has no idea what your DD's background is with her father and its certainly none of her business!

If you get on so well it might be a shame to cut all ties over this, but I'd definitely say to her at another time that you're quite happy for your 16 YO DD to voice her opinions about her dad and anyone else!

Blissx Sun 20-Oct-13 19:29:44

What a great role model you are... hmm

gordyslovesheep Sun 20-Oct-13 19:29:50

seriously? YABU and over reacting massively

Pancakeflipper Sun 20-Oct-13 19:30:49

Really ?

I would not worry too much, your friend might not be in a hurry to meet back up with you. I think you have different takes on life.

mrscumberbatch Sun 20-Oct-13 19:30:50

Ummm, I think that when you call a family member 'a twat' in front of someone that you don't really know, who doesn't know your family history then of course they can 'check' her language.

In any case, if my DD was 16 I'd be telling her off for calling anyone a twat around me/any of my visitors.

I don't think you'll hear from this woman again.

Spirulina Sun 20-Oct-13 19:30:53

I wouldn't sit and listen to my 16 year old dd speak about people like that. No matter who they are. She was brought up better than that!

SheldonsMeeMaw Sun 20-Oct-13 19:31:49

Sounds like a reverse to me too.

usualsuspect Sun 20-Oct-13 19:32:39

Is her dad a twat though?

Are you still with her dad?

I need more details before I judge.

Coconutty Sun 20-Oct-13 19:33:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KirjavaTheCorpse Sun 20-Oct-13 19:36:02


Personally, in your friend's position, I wouldn't have said anything.

However I'd raise an eyebrow at a 16 year old calling her and her brother's fathers useless twats. Bit rude, isn't it? Maybe, as she's a recent friend, she doesn't know how you work as a family and what language, as her mother, you find it appropriate for her to use.

I'd have assumed that you didn't appreciate it without knowing any better, most people would.

I would be both shocked and horrified if my 16 year old dd used language like that about anybody in my hearing (I'm not naive enough to think she might not use such language elsewhere). Whatever you think of your exes, you should not be condoning your dd using such language - perhaps your friend was attempting to teach your dd some manners, since you clearly haven't.

RevelsRoulette Sun 20-Oct-13 19:39:16

You're ok with your daughter using that kind of language?

I actually don't think it is the woman's place to lecture your daughter in terms of respect your father, you owe him your life, blah blah, blah because (I assume ) she knows nothing of your situation. Perhaps your children's fathers were abusive and seriously damaged your children and in any case, the idea that you owe your parent anything because they chose to bring you into the world is ridiculous, imo. Their decision. If anything, considering the state of this world, we owe our kids for forcing it upon them! grin

But I would have the full cats bum about a child using such foul language, particularly with the apparent approval of the parent.

perplexedpirate Sun 20-Oct-13 19:39:51

My dad is a useless twat, I say so now, and I would have said so at 16.
This randomer has no right to tell anyone what they can sag about their own father in their own home.

sebsmummy1 Sun 20-Oct-13 19:40:49

I think if I were your friend I would be choosing to socialise away from your family home as it seems like the situation turned very awkward.

Spirulina Sun 20-Oct-13 19:41:27

Not just her own father tho was it!?

Easyonthetonic Sun 20-Oct-13 19:41:28

Maybe you should be telling DD that it's not appropriate to refer to her Dad and her DSs Dad as useless twats in front of someone she barely knows.

If this is a reverse then you drop the friend.

TheHouseCleaner Sun 20-Oct-13 19:42:09

"I think that when you call a family member 'a twat' in front of someone that you don't really know, who doesn't know your family history then of course they can 'check' her language."

Nobody outside of the parents and school staff are within their boundaries to "check" the language of a young woman who is old enough to have her own child. Otherwise, and aside from that it isn't your place to discipline someone else's offspring or to decide what the limits of acceptable speech are for them, where do you stop? When she's 18? When she's 31?

For all the visitor knows the father may well be a twat. If he is, his daughter would quite possibly have been one of the victims of his twattishness even, possibly, the prime victim. If he's a twat she has a right to say so, she's not a six year old whose language needs censoring in her own home.

Opalite Sun 20-Oct-13 19:42:27

HI, this isn't a reverse AIBU at all.
And the woman does know things about the dads which I have told her.

appletarts Sun 20-Oct-13 19:43:49

I shouldn't think she'll be rushing over to visit any time soon.

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