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The mystery of the kitchen full of poo.

(40 Posts)
OoozingCervix Sun 20-Oct-13 15:04:58

got up for work this morning to find the kitchen full of shite.

for some inexplicable reason there were 2 separate cat shites in the futility room.

why? why would 2 different cats suddenly feel the need to poo in there? why?

also even more inexplicable......

in the middle of the kitchen floor was an enormous dog turd.

definitely dog, not cat.

huge, so probably not SmallDog.

But BigDog was shut in his cage. with the door closed and locked from the outside.


How could this happen?


as I was on the way to work I'm afraid I woke up DH and left him to deal with it all.

marriedinwhiteisback Sun 20-Oct-13 18:42:52

The play doh squeezer grin. Now that and poo brings back a memory.

When I was about 7 I had one and decided the little one was the baby poo, the middle one the mummy poo, etc., and then I got sent to my room just as they were about to announce the name of the new labrador puppy on Blue Peter. I had to wait until the following week to find out and it was Buttons - silly bloody name - I had written in with something far more interesting but I can't remember what it was.

OoozingCervix Sun 20-Oct-13 18:36:48

I considered whether he had fired it through the bars of the cage. but I think it would have been in tubes like a play-do squeezer thing if he'd done that.

definitely BigDog poo. they have very individual turds.

marriedinwhiteisback Sun 20-Oct-13 18:12:35

Fox poo is unmistakeable though. It has a stench of its own that screams fox and if you know your dogs and cats you would know that what the fox left couldn't have been from yours.

How's your DH though OP. Did he survive the cleansing and what did he thing.

yeghoulsandlittledevils Sun 20-Oct-13 18:04:26

I think I might die laughing!


yoshipoppet Sun 20-Oct-13 17:57:37

Could the big dog poo have been shot through the bars of the cage? Projectile pooing maybe?

TonyThePony Sun 20-Oct-13 17:51:33

Maybe you or your DH seep-poo'd? Thrice. grin

Antidote Sun 20-Oct-13 17:43:03

I could tell you a story about an alcoholic ex boyfriend, a massive turd, a washing machine powder drawer and an irate, very hungover resident landlord (and the miss use of my tape measure to calculate whose arse had sufficient clearance to perform the deed) but I'd totally be outing myself.

Cindy34 Sun 20-Oct-13 17:32:36

Any children?

Definitely dog, not child poo?

AgentZigzag Sun 20-Oct-13 17:28:44

I thought you were confessing on your DH's behalf there NotMe grin

Bunbaker Sun 20-Oct-13 17:26:22

It sounds like you need Jonathan Creek on the case!

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone Sun 20-Oct-13 17:15:23

The cats are trying to frame the dogs and saved up the biggest poo ever

The cats have developed thumbs and let the dog out too poo. Then managed to get him back in the cage (the cats are the boss right)

Big dog is an escape artist but doesn't want you to know.

DH was so drunk he pooed in the kitchen. (Really really hope not!)

IcedTeaOneSugar Sun 20-Oct-13 16:52:02

The cats are gaslighting the dogs.

Tuppenceinred Sun 20-Oct-13 16:33:50

I was just going to post what SSS says. A fox probably, got in your cat flap, literally scared the shit out of your cats, but then got scared itself.

fluffyraggies Sun 20-Oct-13 16:29:09

Oh and yeah, i can say that it's easy to identify your pets poos when there's a big difference in size.

(Great Dane vs min. Dachshund here)

SeaSickSal Sun 20-Oct-13 16:27:56

I would say at a guess some other creature has come through your cat flap. This has scared your cats so much they've shit themselves. Other creature also scared has shit itself, then run away.

I've actually had foxes and stoats come through mine.

fluffyraggies Sun 20-Oct-13 16:26:54

Or the other way around - cats poo'd in response to stray/wild animal pooing in their futility room?

fluffyraggies Sun 20-Oct-13 16:26:09

Could an outside door or largish window have been left open OP? If the cats had poo'd in the room before another animal (badger/stray dog tec) had got into the house they may have poo'd there too out of territory marking?

<long shot>

VivaLeThrustBadger Sun 20-Oct-13 16:23:24

My dog can fling poo out his crate. However he normally mashes it up into small bits before starting a flinging session. I guess a complete poo wouldn't get out in one bit.

Pancakeflipper Sun 20-Oct-13 16:21:39

Very good point AgentZigZag.

marriedinwhiteisback Sun 20-Oct-13 16:20:24

It all sounds a bit like the dark dark night when the big skeleton and the little skeleton and the dog skeleton went on a walk through the town and found the zoo with all sorts of other skeletons to me.

I think you're having a laugh OP - or someone's having a larf on you.

OoozingCervix Sun 20-Oct-13 16:17:56

I'm going to check the cat feet to see which one has evolved opposable thumbs.

OoozingCervix Sun 20-Oct-13 16:17:20

I think the cat poo is a red herring. maybe planted to stop me wondering about the cage/og/poo issue

OoozingCervix Sun 20-Oct-13 16:16:28

so at some point BigDog got out of the cage. Crapped in the middle of the floor. Then went back into his cage and somebody/thing relocked the door.

so who? or what?

OoozingCervix Sun 20-Oct-13 16:14:59

2 different sorts of cat poo. bastards. never pood before in the futility room. the bath, yes, but not the futility room.

the large dog poo was huge. about the size of the SmallDog.

The BigDog is also huge.

But both dogs were locked in their cages.

I am bemused.

AgentZigzag Sun 20-Oct-13 16:13:36

No opposable thumbs see Pancake?

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