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to think it's sick twisted and wrong

(28 Posts)
noNicknameAnymore Sun 20-Oct-13 12:23:13

Litle bit of background
Friend left her ex one DC
To cut long story short
She was staying in bed unable to walk due to pain
So her ex was taking care of their child
When she was bit better. Her neighbours ask her haw was her holidays
ex told her neighbours that she left their child and went on holiday while she was ill

IMO it's absolutely sick cold calculated

My friend still cannot not believe in all things he did to her

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Sun 20-Oct-13 12:26:45

Err, don't understand what you mean, can you explain the issue again?

AmberLeaf Sun 20-Oct-13 12:30:17

She was ill but he told her neighbours she had gone on holiday? did he say she had left as in abandoned her child or just that she was away and he was looking after her?

DoJo Sun 20-Oct-13 12:31:48

So her ex told people she was on holiday when she was actually ill? It doesn't sound like the end of the world - I wouldn't want people knowing the details of my medical problems but it sounds as though this goes a bit deeper. I'm not really sure what you are hoping for from this post but as an isolated incident this doesn't sound too bad to me.

PedlarsSpanner Sun 20-Oct-13 12:32:11

Did the child stay with the ex, or did the ex stay at your friend's house?

Not important really, more worrying is that the ex has been telling lies, what a fantasist!

I hope she can call on friends, or family, if ever she becomes ill again

Libertine73 Sun 20-Oct-13 12:33:44


Isildur Sun 20-Oct-13 12:34:30

Well I wouldn't want anyone giving neighbours details of my private life.

Saying she was away/on holiday seems perfectly reasonable, and stops just short of telling them to mind their own business.

AngelsLieToKeepControl Sun 20-Oct-13 12:35:19

Maybe he didn't want to be dishing her medical problems out to all and sundry, or the child was there and he didn't want him/her to worry.

BoneyBackJefferson Sun 20-Oct-13 12:44:33

Is it his place to discuss her medical problems with the neighbours?

ilovesooty Sun 20-Oct-13 13:12:46

Perhaps he had his reasons.

You're hardly unbiased and why is it your business anyway?

TidyDancer Sun 20-Oct-13 13:18:29

Did he say that so that no one would help her?

Otherwise I think he was right not to discuss her medical issues with them.

noNicknameAnymore Sun 20-Oct-13 14:18:24

My friend lived separately with her ex

gordyslovesheep Sun 20-Oct-13 14:21:10

how do you live separately with someone?

I'm either missing something or yabu

noNicknameAnymore Sun 20-Oct-13 14:23:06

From my perspective he had reasons
he even gain some goals
he wanted to picture her as bad as it is possible

HildaOgden Sun 20-Oct-13 14:23:55

Are you the friend?

It certainly doesn't sound that bad to me...maybe he thought her illness was none of the neighbours business?If he had told them,that might have pissed her off too.

Don't see why this is a big problem at all,certainly not enough for you to get riled about (if you are indeed the friend,and not the woman herself)

AgentZigzag Sun 20-Oct-13 14:27:24

Not sure whether that sounds a bit sinister or not, it's what people say when they've done away with someone and accounting for where they are.

He didn't have to go through a run down of her medical history to say 'she's ill and I'm looking after X', why make out she wasn't there when she could have been seen by the neighbours and his lie shown up.

What did the friend say to her neighbours when they asked?

'why is it your business anyway?'

Because it's her friend? confused

Onebuddhaisnotenough Sun 20-Oct-13 14:28:55

I understand what you are saying and I'm not quite sure why your replies have been quite so obtuse.

He wants to paint her in a bad light. Tell her to ignore him. Men like this get a kick out of getting a reaction. Ignore and rise above it..

Passmethecrisps Sun 20-Oct-13 14:29:28

Is this related to aspects of her health? By that I mean is he trying to sew seeds of doubt about her health this get her into trouble?

Maybe you need to cut the story less short

ilovesooty Sun 20-Oct-13 14:29:30

Even if it's her friend she sounds way too invested in the situation to me.

mayorquimby Sun 20-Oct-13 14:31:20

Sounds perfectly reasonable and considerate to me

IvanaCake Sun 20-Oct-13 14:31:38

Not understanding why this is a problem, sorry. Yes it was a twatty thing to do but it doesn't actually matter what the neighbours think, does it?

AgentZigzag Sun 20-Oct-13 14:37:12

Depends what he's done to her sooty, sounds like he's playing the long game and this is just adding to the atmosphere the OPs friend has to live in.

It's OK to be outraged on a friends behalf.

If he had generally good intentions towards her then it'd be different, but he hasn't, so you'd have to wonder what's behind it.

JustThisOnceOrTwiceOrThrice Sun 20-Oct-13 14:40:10

What?! So he's painting her in a bad light to other people?

My abusive ex used to do that. Tell others lies about me so that they wouldn't like me and to make him look good.

BabyDubsEverywhere Sun 20-Oct-13 14:42:03

So you friend lives with her ex still, and the ex apparently told the neighbours that she had abandoned their child to go on holiday when if fact she was ill in bed.

unless the neighbours are a few planks short they would realise that the child could not be abandoned when living in their own home with their father - surely? I must be missing something... cant see why your mate would care - I would much rather my health issues weren't the subject of neighbourly gossip anyway!

ConfusedandDazed24 Sun 20-Oct-13 14:50:05

If he was saying she left her DC alone whilst she was on holiday then yes I'd agree that's massively shitty, but if it's just that he said DC was staying with him whilst she was on holiday it's not the end of the world.

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