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To be offended by this birthday card?

(34 Posts)
Doubtfuldaphne Sun 20-Oct-13 11:04:21

I've always been a bit overweight, size 14. Always get weight comments from IL's usually 'ooh you're looking slimmer' or after ds was born 'how's it going with your weight' and also 'I've HEARD you're losing a lot of weight! (Standing in right in front of me)
Maybe I'm being a bit over sensitive as I've been bullied all my childhood for being a chubster
But today I get a card with a picture of women eating cake and a caption ' we'll diet tomorrow'
Is this another dig or is it funny?

BloodiedGhouloshes Sun 20-Oct-13 15:57:45

I'd be offended.

The weird card sent to a 4 year old by non-English-speaking people thought I would just adore

AngiBolen Sun 20-Oct-13 15:51:42

InMySpareTime -that's so inappropriate it's hillarious! grin I hope you kept it to show DS on his 18th birthday.

Your in laws need to learn some manners, OP.

Justforlaughs Sun 20-Oct-13 15:47:30

It would depend on who it was from. If it was someone who knows that you are sensitive about your weight then I would be upset, if it was from someone who doesn't know you that well/ you've never spoken about your weight to I wouldn't take offence. Tbh I don't think that anyone who is a size 14 should be sensitive about their weight (I'd love to be that size) there's no need, and it sounds more as if you are over sensitive partly down to ILs attitudes. Being overweight myself, I would NEVER send anyone a card relating to weight, but DH wouldn't think twice, he's just grab the first card he saw.

Mia4 Sun 20-Oct-13 15:38:38

Unless they often makes digs at you OP, I'd try to stop getting annoyed over it- it's not personal. That card is pretty routine and people will just grab one and write in it most of the time. My nan once sent DP one which said funny on the front (can't remember the words) but inside it basically said 'and look what you have to wake up next to'. She was so embarrassed when my dad saw it and teased her about it.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sun 20-Oct-13 14:02:24

And I agree with you OP - there's a vast range of cards out there. I'd steer clear of a card like that.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sun 20-Oct-13 14:00:55

I think it is a poor choice of card for many woman, unless you know them very well. It's especially poor if you've already been rude or intrusive about their weight.

I think the ILs are insensitive or obsessed about weight. Don't let their issue become your issue OP

CoffeeTea103 Sun 20-Oct-13 13:57:34

Overreacting here. Cake and birthdays go together, so do indulging or making exceptions on your birthday. It was probably meant as that. As you are sensitive about your weight you are looking at it from this way.

Scholes34 Sun 20-Oct-13 13:54:12

Certainly being oversensitive there. I'd be less likely to take offence at something printed. Now had the statement been handwritten in the card, that might be justification for taking offence.

BrokenSunglasses Sun 20-Oct-13 13:24:13

It wouldn't occur to me to be offended about that card. I think the fact that you are offended is partly about the card, but more about your own sensitivities.

I agree that's its a 'treat yourself - its your Birthday' type message that is quite common and is not intended to be mean.

Doubtfuldaphne Sun 20-Oct-13 13:24:11

That's so bad! Mine could be forgiven if it was a man as they don't seem to pick up on what's appropriate in my expeience

HardFacedCareeristBitchNigel Sun 20-Oct-13 13:15:12

Was it sent by a bloke ? We do office birthday cards and one of my male colleagues once wrote in one that had a picture of a cake "better not have a piece of that cake !". He had no idea how that might be received by the not very skinny female recipient until i said "i can't believe you've written that ".

Gruntfuttock Sun 20-Oct-13 13:09:03

That's vile InMySpareTime. I wouldn't call it fairly offensive. For a 4 year old that's completely unacceptable. I would have had a word with the parents and explained why they should never send such a card to a child or they'll be sending them to other children.

BackforGood Sun 20-Oct-13 13:07:19

I'm with Nancy and Flipchart - a lot of birthday cards have that "go on, treat yourself, it's your birthday" type message, I wouldn't see it as offensive.

Doubtfuldaphne Sun 20-Oct-13 13:01:13

Oh dear that's a bit inappropriate!

InMySpareTime Sun 20-Oct-13 11:46:11

For DS's 4th birthday, someone got him a card that said:
"On your birthday, you'll wish you were an egg-
If you're not getting smashed you'll be getting laid!"
It was from a child whose parents didn't have great English skills, so I hope it was an innocent mistake, but otherwise it was fairly offensive.

themonsteratemyspacebar Sun 20-Oct-13 11:45:46

From what you have said about your IL's i would take it as a dig tbh. But thats only because they have form with making comments about your weight. Its a horrible thing to do and you aren't even big so i don't understand why they would do this.

Happy Birthday by the way!
Just pass it off as their stupidity and insecurities as its them with the problem, because you certainly don't have one!

sneezecakesmum Sun 20-Oct-13 11:43:01

YANBU how insensitive!

I'm not overweight but short.....DH used to say 'I've been putting manure in her boots but it doesn't work!

Do what I did and have a VERY sharp word!

Lazysuzanne Sun 20-Oct-13 11:35:32

When it's their birthday be sure to send a card which makes a joke at their expense wink

saulaboutme Sun 20-Oct-13 11:27:24

So they've offended you before? Then bin the card, don't thank them for it, move on and don't let it spoil your birthday.

Happy birthday by the way.

Doubtfuldaphne Sun 20-Oct-13 11:22:38

I agree those type of jokes just aren't funny whether I'm sensitive about it or not. Personally I wouldn't choose a card that could be taken two ways in the first place - why risk it!

treaclesoda Sun 20-Oct-13 11:21:09

if you never talk about it, its perfectly possible that they just don't realise that you're sensitive about it. And size 14 is not big enough to register with most people as a size that you might be sensitive about.

But having said all that, I hate those type of jokes anyway, so I'm kind of in the yanbu camp!

YouTheCat Sun 20-Oct-13 11:15:48

As you are sensitive about it (size 14 really isn't big though) then it's rude and thoughtless.

I'm a 18/20 and it wouldn't bother me though it'd be a bit pointless as I never diet.

saulaboutme Sun 20-Oct-13 11:14:38

Yanbu I think it's insensitive, unless they have no idea how you feel about your weight.

RevelsRoulette Sun 20-Oct-13 11:13:41

Something can be funny or rude depending on the backstory.

Since comments about your weight are often made, then I can understand that you feel it is barbed.

If nobody made comments about your weight and you didn't feel criticised, then it would just be a funny card. But since you say that they always make comments about your weight and generally act like it is an issue, then I can see why you feel that the card may simply be an extension of that.

But it may not be and since there's no way of knowing, it would be best to file it under joke and not let it upset you.

Doubtfuldaphne Sun 20-Oct-13 11:13:01

Thank you everyone. I never talk about my weight it's not the sort of thing I dwell on but they do talk about it a lot more.
I don't know what to think its not the first time this person has offended me so I don't know if it was on purpose or not

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