regarding MIL and DS's party

[catgirl1976]

MIL is a massive PITA in general. Total narcissist PITA. I could fill a whole board with tales of her shennanigans. However.........

DS is going to be 2 in a few weeks time. A big deal for me, he is my only PFB and this is the first birthday he will be really interactive IYSWIM. We are having a party for him at my DPs. Buffet, bouncy castle, music etc.

MIL lives 300 miles away and has only been to see DS once.

I asked her if she would like to come up for his birthday (more fool me but a) she is is GM and b) thought it might get me out of any Xmas obligations to go down to her.

She would love to.

She then decided she would come up on the train. The mainline station is a good 45 minutes drive away from my DP's so 1.5 hours round trip to get and get her.

Then she decided she would stay in a B&B in a near by town, rather than "put anybody out". Fair enough, but the 1.5 hour round trip now incorporates going to this town, getting her checked etc. So lets call it minimum 2 hours.

Then she decides, instead of coming up on the Friday, she will come up on the Saturday. On DS's actual birthday. I was not happy as obviously we will be doing things with him, getting ready for the party and enjoying the day so a 2 hour hole in that was annoying.

I told her the party was starting at half past two so she needed to be at the station for around 11am ideally.

She has texted me today to say she has got her tickets. ARRIVING AT 13:50.

So, DH will have to go and pick her up and miss DS's entire party? I don't fecking think so.

I am just so angry. I am certain it is deliberate.

I don't know whether to

a)change his party to the Sunday to accomodate her or

b) tell her to change her effing tickets or

c) tell her "That's fine but we won't be able to pick you up from XX at that time and you will have to get 2 connecting trains to where my parents live. Oh. And you will probably miss his party."

I am sorry that's long. I just want to scream

[fluffyraggies]

If DH drove down to the station for 1.50 to get her he'd be back with her at the party for about 2.30 - start of the party?

She can check in to the B&B later when she's been there to stay?

[MarysDressSways]

Tell her to take a taxi... or public transport. There's no way your husband can pick her during the party. Put the ball in her court.

[yoshipoppet]

Send her a taxi firm number and tell her she'll have to sort it out herself?

[fluffyraggies]

When she been *driven there (the B&B) to stay, i mean. She doesn't have to check in before the party.

[FatimaLovesBread]

I wouldn't change the party just for her, she knew what time it started. Tell her the options are: change the tickets, make her own way from the station or don't bother coming.

If she's invited for his party, why has she organised to come so she won't even make the party

[ceeveebee]

She sounds like a piece of work

I would tell her to get a taxi to your DPs house (book it for her if she moans) she can check in at the b&b after the party?

[catgirl1976]

Fluffy he could if the traffic was good etc, but why should he miss out on getting the party ready? I know that probably doesn't sound important and a bit PFB, but I have been really looking forward to his birthday and I want DH there (and I expect he will want to be there too.)

A taxi would cost her a fortune (not that I care right now!). She could get a train to a nearer station and get a taxi from there and looking at time tables only miss about 30 minutes, but then the party will be disrupted by her big arrival (and she will make it ALL about her and cause maximum disruption).

I am not happy. DH can sort this one out though and just tell her to change her tickets or don't bother coming as she is not ruining the day

[roguepixie]

C.

Have the party the way you want to, at the time you want to.

I understand your anger. I also understand your belief that this is deliberate. Obviously only you have the history with this woman to feel so certain but your description sounds suspiciously like narcissism. To be honest, I wouldn't even indulge her for an 11am pickup - not on the day of the party - in my experience the very last thing you want to be doing is mammoth round trips to pick people up. She has had fair warning of date/time and could have made arrangements that didn't result in giving you this pressure.

It's your DS's birthday. She should make the effort.

[MrTumblesKnickers]

Just reiterate what you've already said about the start time. "Oh that's a shame, we'll be busy then as the party starts at 2pm and all hands will be needed on deck. Here's a taxi number, or here's how you get to us via public transport. See you there!"

[MarysDressSways]

Although, if she's coming on a Saturday, that's usually off-peak, so the tickets should be valid on any offpeak service (ie other trains that day)?

[Fukeit]

Yep send her some taxi numbers.

What does your Dh say?

[tedmundo]

Just reply with a taxi number, a cheery 'we use this taxi company, they will sort you out, see you there' and a few Xxx's. Nothing needs explaining as she knows the party is 40 mins later than her arrival time.

Don't pick her up. She is more than capable of getting to the destination without you intervening.

[catgirl1976]

She is a piece of work.

The whole point in her coming was his party.

This is totally deliberate - she makes maximum fuss for maximum attention. Every. time.

I might text her back saying "Oh no - I hope you can change the tickets as you will miss his party with those and we will be too busy to pick you up" and then if there is any fall out, DH can deal with her from there.

[catgirl1976]

I've not spoken to DH yet but I think he will feel the same as me.

She is so manipulative. Arggh.

[Hassled]

Dump the whole sorry mess in your DH's lap. This is not your problem. Spell it out to him that he will miss the build up etc - then leave him to sort it.

[CaptainSweatPants]

Could one of your parents collect her?

[Tuppenceinred]

She will be too early to check in at most B+B's anyway. So that's one problem solved, from the station straight to the party.

[tedmundo]

Oh, x post with you and lots of others.

Well, yes, taxis are expensive. But if she has booked a train ticket to a station so far from you this will not come as a shock to her.

She is a grown up, capable of looking after herself. Of course, if it was not clashing with a prior engagement you would be happy to pick her up, but it does, so you can't.

There is nothing to debate here. Stay strong, sister!

[CaptainSweatPants]

Why are you texting her & sorting it out? Get dh to do it!

[catgirl1976]

Actually Captain - you've just made me think my sister might be able to collect her.

But then again I am not minded to have anyone do anything for her.

[CaptainSweatPants]

Dump the whole sorry mess in your DH's lap. This is not your problem


Amen to that !

[CaptainSweatPants]

If your sister doesn't mind I'd definitely ask her :)

[RevelsRoulette]

Tell her to get a taxi.

[ihearsounds]

Nope, your sister will probably want to be at her nephews party, not driving your mil around who is disorganised and wants everyone to drop what they are doing to pander to her needs.

[BettyBotter]

Agree that she sounds a PITA but I do think you sound as if you're building it up and making it a massive deal of it too.

She wants to come to the party - excellent. She hasn't seen much of her dgs and she's making the effort to come. Good.
She has said she'll stay at a b and b to avoid being a hassle - Great. Sounds ideal to me.

You are making it into a thing.

She's cocked up the travel times so just say 'Oh dear, sorry. We wont be able to pick you up.' (Don't go into any whys or wherefores. Just tell her.)

Then leave the ball in her court. She can get a taxi, book an earlier train, be late for the party or not come. Her choice. Don't get embroiled in her shenanigans.