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regarding MIL and DS's party

(375 Posts)
catgirl1976 Fri 18-Oct-13 14:35:04

MIL is a massive PITA in general. Total narcissist PITA. I could fill a whole board with tales of her shennanigans. However.........

DS is going to be 2 in a few weeks time. A big deal for me, he is my only PFB and this is the first birthday he will be really interactive IYSWIM. We are having a party for him at my DPs. Buffet, bouncy castle, music etc.

MIL lives 300 miles away and has only been to see DS once.

I asked her if she would like to come up for his birthday (more fool me but a) she is is GM and b) thought it might get me out of any Xmas obligations to go down to her.

She would love to.

She then decided she would come up on the train. The mainline station is a good 45 minutes drive away from my DP's so 1.5 hours round trip to get and get her.

Then she decided she would stay in a B&B in a near by town, rather than "put anybody out". Fair enough, but the 1.5 hour round trip now incorporates going to this town, getting her checked etc. So lets call it minimum 2 hours.

Then she decides, instead of coming up on the Friday, she will come up on the Saturday. On DS's actual birthday. I was not happy as obviously we will be doing things with him, getting ready for the party and enjoying the day so a 2 hour hole in that was annoying.

I told her the party was starting at half past two so she needed to be at the station for around 11am ideally.

She has texted me today to say she has got her tickets. ARRIVING AT 13:50.

So, DH will have to go and pick her up and miss DS's entire party? I don't fecking think so.

I am just so angry. I am certain it is deliberate.

I don't know whether to

a)change his party to the Sunday to accomodate her or

b) tell her to change her effing tickets or

c) tell her "That's fine but we won't be able to pick you up from XX at that time and you will have to get 2 connecting trains to where my parents live. Oh. And you will probably miss his party."

I am sorry that's long. I just want to scream

Thumbwitch Tue 22-Oct-13 16:17:01

Hi catgirl, just read your whole thread. I have nothing new nor useful to add but just wanted to give a big CHEER!! to MrCat for being a superhero and standing up to his PITA narc mum; and to say your PFB is delightful, and frankly doesn't deserve to have his party trashed by said narc turning up and making it All About Her.

Believe her when she says it "isn't meant to be" - she has made it so (Picard).

She Just Doesn't Want To Come if she can't make it all high drama about herself, so she's fucked it up deliberately so she can either be begged, or have you all bend over backwards and change everything to accommodate her fuck-up, or be able to tell all her friends (if she has any) that you deliberately excluded her by Making It Difficult.

In all fairness, while I understand you're feelings about wanting your DS to know your DH's side of the family, frankly I think he's better off without the poisonous bitch. She doesn't like you, you've already said that - if you remember/read some of the threads from women with older children and poisonous MILs, you'll see that they spend a reasonable amount of their time telling their DGC how shit their mother is, not in so many words but insinuating it. You don't want that for your PFB, and neither does your DH.

If cutting her out completely is too much (and I understand it can be) then just stick to what you have done this time (and please stick to where you are now) - give her the details of whatever event, times etc. and then if she fucks it up, YOU say "Oh I guess it just "wasn't meant to be" again, huh."

She's created this situation for herself - leave her to it.

And give MrCat another big hug because he's not only a star, he's hurting that his mother couldn't give a toss about his son and that's not a nice thing to know sad

Topseyt Tue 22-Oct-13 17:11:36

Taxi, public transport or nothing, I would say. It isn't fair to send other family members scurrying after her either. She can sort herself out.

EldritchCleavage Tue 22-Oct-13 17:37:02

Oh dammit! My broodiness levels have just gone sky high after looking at the lovely Catboy pictures.

I'd catch several trains and a bus to see him, and we're not even related.

Chippednailvarnish Wed 23-Oct-13 21:24:23

Have you phoned Uncle Brian yet to check his availablity?

catgirl1976 Wed 23-Oct-13 23:08:12


Thank you Eldritch. I think he is super cute biased

Chipped - I haven't but the temptation is almost overwhelming

catgirl1976 Wed 23-Oct-13 23:08:37

And thank you thumbwitch thanks smile x

ceebie Thu 24-Oct-13 11:49:47

So, is she still not coming, or have there been any further developments?

catgirl1976fucker Thu 24-Oct-13 17:53:21

She's still not coming and I haven't heard a single thing from her since her "not meant to be" text. hmm

Not sure when we will hear from her, she's obviously taken the hump!

Every cloud

UncleT Thu 24-Oct-13 18:11:08

This thread has been enthralling. I've nothing substantial to add other than my congratulations to the pair of you for the way you dealt with MIL's clearly unreasonable conduct.

AnyChippednailvarnishfucker Thu 24-Oct-13 18:13:28

Wonder if Uncle Brian does house visits?

On a serious note, what a cow.

kitbit Fri 25-Oct-13 09:06:54

I'd be tempted to call the Bishop and send him round to perform an excorcism.


EldritchCleavage Fri 25-Oct-13 11:20:08

Either taking the hump or shagging the Bishop. Which is more likely?

momb Fri 25-Oct-13 11:52:13

Hmmm, the B+B is fully booked for the saturday night? Was she ever booked in at all? I'm wondering if she left it late to book and then when they were full she got all discombobulated and messed up the trains on purpose as an excuse, rather than admitting she didn't have anywhere to stay?
Or indeed she's still booked in and is prepared to lose that money as well as the train fair just to save face?

kerala Fri 25-Oct-13 12:02:10

It is hard with ILs like this. You end up in a fog of feeling guilty about them for some reason, as well as enraged by their rubbish behaviour.

Its taken me nearly 7 years to accept that my ILs are hopeless and frankly not that interested - to the extent of moving overseas because - and I quote - "theres nothing to keep us here". The final straw for me was when they drove 10 hours to BILs house, which is 1.5 hour easy drive from ours. And weren't planning to call on us and see their only grandchildren shock. That for me, after lots of other stuff, was my absolution from ever feeling guilty for not visiting them again. I cannot imagine having not seen my grandchildren for 6 months and being that close to them and not arranging to see them I just can't imagine that.

Annianni Sun 27-Oct-13 16:52:00

How was the party Catgirl?

catgirl1976fucker Sun 27-Oct-13 18:51:34

It's not until the 23rd of November x

But I will update once he has had it smile

NO contact whatsoever from MIL hmm

SauvignonBlanche Sun 27-Oct-13 18:53:41

She's not coming is she?
Hope your DH is alright about it.

catgirl1976fucker Sun 27-Oct-13 19:06:29

No, she's not coming

DH is disappointed but he's ok. We both know that it is a lot less hassle this way and that she would have made sure she ruined it.

SauvignonBlanche Sun 27-Oct-13 19:09:57

I'm sure it'll be a lot easier without her, hope all goes well. smile

BillyBanter Sun 27-Oct-13 19:12:20

Big cheer to your dh.

Is his sister coming? They seem to get on, so three is some family in his side?

catgirl1976fucker Sun 27-Oct-13 19:28:50

No sad sadly she can't afford it and isn't very well

Which is a shame - we would love to have her

BillyBanter Sun 27-Oct-13 20:22:17

sad I hope you get the chance to see her soon.

birdybear Fri 08-Nov-13 16:43:48

is there an update to this! did mil turn up!?

myBOYSareBONKERS Sun 24-Nov-13 07:15:11

Party update please!!

Blueandwhitelover Sun 24-Nov-13 11:00:26

Oh is it today??? Loves a good update I do!

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