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To not want to move my plans to suit others?

(89 Posts)
daisydoo222 Fri 18-Oct-13 14:30:51

I have been going to Slimming World at the same time and the same day every week for 2&1/2 years and lost over 5 stone, the only time I have ever missed a class is when I was on holiday, I have sat through group when I've been poorly, I plan everything else around it.
I have committed to myself that I will continue to go, probably for the rest of my life and I'm currently considering becoming a leader and making it my career (or at least a bit of a side line).
My point is - this is more than just a bit of a diet, I take it seriously, it has changed my life and also improved everything for the family as I now have so much more energy and I'm able to do more with my kids.

However, now my stepson has started going to football training on the same night that I go so DP has asked if I would be able to change my class so that he can go with him.

I know that doesn't sound like a big deal but it is. The only two options I've got to change are: 1) I take the kids with me to the earlier session to get weighed but then I wouldn't be able to stay to class. I have a 1 year old and 4 year old, there's no way they'll sit still and be quiet and the leader has politely asked people in the past not to bring kids unless they can be good. Also it would end up being past their bedtime before I get them home.
2) I go to a different class in a different town the next day. I don't drive so it would mean me having to get two buses and would take me about 1&1/2 hours in each direction.
Plus the people at my existing group are my friends and are great support to me so I don't really want to have to move groups - I know that sounds silly but the group is often like a counselling session, they have supported me through my Mum's death and through my pregnancy.

I'm just annoyed because it's important to me and I feel now like DP doesn't take it too seriously. If I say I won't change I'm going to be the bad guy but I really don't want to.
I'm sure there must be a different football group somewhere? I'm not sure if his ex has arranged this on purpose because she knows it clashes with my class. There's 7 days in a week but out of the whole week she happens to pick the exact time and date that I'm busy. Coincidence?

bababababoom Sun 20-Oct-13 11:54:57

And how, Neolara, do families without a babysitter "identify one"??

Please don't take your children into an environment where people are praised for weight loss and the focus is on what kinds of food are ok to eat, op. I am sure that being taken to weight watchers with my grandmother contributed hugely to the eating disorder \I developed and was hospirtalised for, that lasted 15 years.

mercibucket Sun 20-Oct-13 12:58:50

my kids do football 4 or 5 times a week. it is not a 'quality time' experience or a 'lads and dads' type thing

up to the parents to sort out, no need for stepmum to feel she has to stop doing her activity

theoriginalandbestrookie Sun 20-Oct-13 13:23:32

Agree with baba - don't take your DCs to SW. DS came with me to WW a few times when I was doing it, he was 6 at the time. Started saying things like "I have a fat tummy" and noticing my weight. It's not a healthy environment for children to be in - and I didn't even stay for the meetings.

DamsonJam Sun 20-Oct-13 15:34:57

Given the nature of your commitment, I would say you are absolutely NBU to keep to it. Your future health and wellbeing (and therefore your DCs and DPs) depend on your commitment to keeping to a healthy weight. The vast majority of people with 5 stone to lose do not lose it and keep it off. The fact that you have done so is a major major achievement and you are right not to let yourself be swayed off course.

NewbieMcNewbie Sun 20-Oct-13 15:53:40

bababa - how do families without babysitters identify one?

Are you joking?

Same way families with babysitters identified one!

olgaga Sun 20-Oct-13 16:49:18

So OP, your SW is important to you, and your DSS's football is important to your DH.

TBH I woudnt be happy about your DC having to be out that late in midweek, especially if the 4yo is at school. So it looks like a babysitter is your only option. Are you going to fall out about who organises the babysitter?

Dubjackeen Sun 20-Oct-13 17:24:08

First of all, congrats on your weight loss. flowers
YANBU. There are two other adults, who can surely arrange to bring the child to and from football. As other posters have pointed out, and in my (limited) experience, it is not a bonding opportunity, more a case of standing looking on, from the sidelines, during any kind of sports training.

theoriginalandbestrookie Sun 20-Oct-13 18:13:00

To those saying get a babysitter - this would add an absolute minimum of £5-6 per week to the household, and that's if you could convince someone just to come for the hour. Plus they would need someone that they trust enough to put a 1 & 4 year old to bed, due to the timing of the sessions.

I don't know what the answer is, but it just seems a bit simplistic to go - babysitter - ta dah, problem solved, unless cost is not an issue.

Picturesinthefirelight Sun 20-Oct-13 18:24:03

Take it from me DON'T give up your group

I gave up the only thing I did with a group of people who became friends due to the dchildren & dhs work commitments

Fast forward 10 years & dh us in a different job, has a good social life with his friends. Dd is at secondary school miles away & first need me to take her places & I have no friends, no social life, not even someone I can phone for a chat.

Don't give up the one thing that is for you as one day when the kids have give you'll be alone.

olgaga Sun 20-Oct-13 19:02:58

Yes I agree, I never had anyone who could babysit, and never wanted them to be left with a total stranger even if I could have afforded it.

I just accepted there were things I wanted to do which I couldn't do while my children were small. It's such a short time out of your life after all.

OPs DH wants to give up his Wednesday evening to take his DS to football training and stand around in the cold to support him. It's not as though he's suddenly decided to go to the pub with his mates to play pool.

I think OP is being inflexible and unco-operative. The real danger is that unlike her DH, who wants to do this for his son, her reasons are purely selfish. I think her lack of co-operation on this issue could have undesirable long-term consequences. .

mercibucket Sun 20-Oct-13 19:39:38

There are some things that I would give up for my kids and some I wouldn't
I have an activity I do once a week that I won't cancel
I have others I would
Sounds like sw is one the op won't and her dh will just have to work a way round it or a different day for the activity
He just thinks his / his sons activity comes first
Why should it?

olgaga Sun 20-Oct-13 19:45:55

We can't assume there is "a way round it".

mercibucket Sun 20-Oct-13 20:24:53

Well yes there may be no way round it in which case he has the option of a different day or not doing the activity
Such is family life
Some of my kids can't do stuff cos their siblings are doing other stuff
Life is like that
The op has an activity that is important to her
So if it can't be rescheduled the football either happens on a different day, doesn't happen ot dh takes the other kids
I wouldn't do the babysitting thing but that's me

NachoAddict Sun 20-Oct-13 20:26:23

Yanbu, you have been doing this for years, why should you change now. What is dss suddenly decides to do another hobby?

Can dsd's mother take him?

Can dh take the smaller children to football, Come straight home and drop dss home when you get back from sw?

Alternate weeks would be a nice compromise for you to agree too, dh could take turns with another football parent.

Dss mother should have checked before she arranged it that it was workable.

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