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To expect when my dh has said he has been doing housework all that day that includes, making beds, hovering, polishing, fuming!!!

(189 Posts)
Allthreerolledintoone Thu 17-Oct-13 16:46:05

I now work full-time and I am really struggling with work and running a home I feel like I do everything. Dh does most of the ironing, DIY occasionally tea and dishes sometimes pack lunches I do every thing else plus the above maybe not so much ironing but I will if needed.
Anyway kids have been home with dh today because of the strike. I come home from work and ask what they have been doing thinking dh may have taken them out and he said he bathed the kids, did all the housework and baking and washing three loads apparently( the basket was half empty yesterday so I doubt it unless he's emptied his work bag today instead of 2moro. Baking was 8 plain buns :-/ so hardly an afternoon.
Oh and he went to the shop I wrote a list of 8 items. I've come home and the house hasn't been polished or hoovered the beds haven't even been made, the bathroom is a mess and I am failing to see what house work he has actually done. I am livid because he could of made the beds at least and took the children out but no the kids look bored, my house looks exactly the same as I left it. Tbh it's tipped me over the edge I've had enough.
Yesterday he had an orange, peeled it and left the peel on the table. I left if for 2 days and no one put it in the bin only my mum did when she came around. I am sick to death of picking up after him to the point even these tiny tedious things irritate me. But apparently I am nagging, I am stressed and tired and irritated by his thoughtlessness. His excuses are I forgot, i I was going to do it, I didn't see it or il do it later but never actually does. Honestly I've been sat for the last hour in tears thinking I want him to leave. I cannot bear to be in the same room any more I do admit it's my time of the month if I seem extreme but it's all building up.

ilovesooty Thu 17-Oct-13 17:12:52

Flibberty you and me both.

comewinewithmoi Thu 17-Oct-13 17:13:30

Oh dear, I think he should ltb.

PhallicGiraffe Thu 17-Oct-13 17:13:48

To be honest, you are being quite unreasonable expecting your husband to hover. I mean, he probably doesn't have wings, or a little helicopter on his head.

fairy1303 Thu 17-Oct-13 17:14:28

i would have a field day if DH had a day like this.
I think it sounds like a reasonably productive day tbh.

washing - tick
baking - double tick
shopping- tick
looking after kids - tick


next time leave a list if there are specific things you want doing.

WorraLiberty Thu 17-Oct-13 17:14:42

Apart from the nose bleed on the bed that obviously needed changing, you seem a little obsessed with bed making?

At 9 and 5 your kids are old enough to straighten out their duvets and pillows.

He sounds as though he's done a fairish bit today and to be honest you're home so early, perhaps he intended to do a bit more later?

ilovesooty Thu 17-Oct-13 17:15:08

She expected him to fume as well as hover.

TheGhostofAmandaClarke Thu 17-Oct-13 17:17:03

YAbu. But I do understand because I hate mess and I hate housework.
If I were the sole WOOH parent it would drive me nuts that it wasn't tidy when I got home.if I were a SAHP it would drive me nuts if I were expected to keep a perfect home.
I always get up first in the morning (whole other thread grin) and it pisses me off that DH then gets p without making the bed. It takes so little time there and then but becomes a chore for someone later.
But there's no changing him and he has his good points thlgrin)
Don't fall out over it. It's not worth it.
Some ppl have a great system for everyone helping with small tasks so that housework doesn't become insurmountable. Hopefully one of them will be along in a minute.
wine for you.

Misspixietrix Thu 17-Oct-13 17:17:45

FWIW OP I don't think YABU. I have my Dad staying with me at the minute. Was up the Hospital all day yesterday As DM really poorly. Had to literally drop and run got in late and night and NAFF ALL was done! Furious didnt even cover it in Chez Pixie!

VivaLeThrustBadger Thu 17-Oct-13 17:17:58

In fairness I guess the kids are at school all day.

He probably just doesn#t see the mess. I don't, dh does. I drive him insane.

Misspixietrix Thu 17-Oct-13 17:18:15

Last night not and night sorry.

thebody Thu 17-Oct-13 17:20:12

mmm when I was a sahm with the kids all day and did what your dh has done I wouldn't take kindly to bring criticised by my OH.

you lost me at polishing to be honest. never polished my house. ever.

comewinewithmoi Thu 17-Oct-13 17:20:34

I'm a sahm, if dh came home and had a go at me about housework or child are, I'd ltb. Tbh my dh is not anal is great.

teenagetantrums Thu 17-Oct-13 17:20:39

My ex was a SAHD, he thought that meant sitting on the PC all day, i got the kids up and dressed before i left for work, came home and did dinner, bath ect, did all the cleaning at the weekend and all the parents evenings/meetings, he did nothing. At least your husband did something it could have been worse. To be honest my standards are not very high, i don't care about making beds, as long as the dishes are done and the house is hovered once a week im happy. Now you are home sit down and relax, don't do anything else and when you are calm talk to your husband, as to the orange peel honestly i would have just put it in the bin if i was going that way.

WorraLiberty Thu 17-Oct-13 17:20:50

But the OP's DH hasn't done naff all Misspixietrix

Allthreerolledintoone Thu 17-Oct-13 17:21:02

I have two sons so will never be a mad house proud type of person. But how can someone put their rubbish on the side but not in the bin directly underneath it or decide to put all their dirty laundry in the basket after I've emptied it.
On tues evening I had a meeting at work dh was late initiallycoming home so I had to play referee with the kids, put washing on, do tea, and try and get ready etc. I left shortly after tea about 6ish came home 8.30ish and dh was shouting at ds because he didn't understand his home work, dishes hadn't been finished, sides cluttered and pack lunches not made. Ds should of been in bed he was obviously too tired and was upset when I came in. ds eventually went to bed and dh went and had a bath leaving me to it :-/

Coupon Thu 17-Oct-13 17:22:13

If you'd like specific things to be done by someone who's not used to doing the housework, maybe you could provide a very clear list with bullet points, so that he can tick things off as he goes.

HerrenaHarridan Thu 17-Oct-13 17:24:26

Sorry op but I think yabu.

From what you've said you did not come home to a tip.

I can see why your annoyed that he didn't notice the bloody bed sheets but he's been looking after kids, baking, done washing and not allowed the house to become a disaster.
He doesn't have to take then out if he doesn't want to, that's his call.

If I were you u would sit down with dp and agree between you which jobs are shared jobs and how often they should be done.
As for picking up after him of its that often get a basket to dump it all in

Allthreerolledintoone Thu 17-Oct-13 17:25:44

Yes but I didn't mean all of the above I meant something I do not polish every day. But I do try to tidy and do the dishes and beds at least. I also put my own rubbish in the bin, my dirty clothes in the basket and generally pick up after myself. If he had done something with the kids then great but hadn't just baking for what an hour. I've taken the kids out lots of times all day and do bugger all house work. Why do I have to work full time and do everything on top and he doesn't??? We both work and should split the chores between up and pick up after selves.

pianodoodle Thu 17-Oct-13 17:26:38

My first impression of reading the OP is that YANBU for quite a few reasons.

I'm just heading out though so will come back later smile

Allthreerolledintoone Thu 17-Oct-13 17:29:08

Well so much for equality the, he bloody expects me to do all the above :-/

lentilweavinghippy Thu 17-Oct-13 17:29:17

Dahlen - that is exactly the situation in my house. DH does next to nothing unless asked, several times with very specific instructions. Then he'll complain about it & leave some small but annoying part of the task undone (not put the Hoover away, wash up but not bother to wipe the work tops etc). I'm so sick of feeling like a petty, nagging old cow that I mostly just do it myself, quietly seething as he falls asleep in front of the telly (we are in our mid-thirties, btw). A while ago he told me that whoever is bothered by the mess/dirt should tidy/clean it. And the house never gets disgusting enough to bother him so why should he do it? And guess why it never gets that disgusting...?? I've lost so much respect for him that I can't even be bothered to argue about it.

overmydeadbody Thu 17-Oct-13 17:29:36

I agree with Flibberty, but I suspect there is more of a history here that is making the OP feel the way she is feeling, rather than it being specific to today.

PrincessChick Thu 17-Oct-13 17:31:45

Sorry but I think you're being U.

I'm also hmm because your DH left an orange peel on a table yesterday and you say it's been there for 2 days . Unless you have a crystal ball or time travelling machine it can only have been there for 1 day. And if your mum tidied it up, it meant she was there today. I'm very confused

Maybe think about 10 things you are grateful for and take a chill pill. Such as, wonderful husband who looks after your children, does baking with them, does some housework etc etc

I would be livid if my DH sulked at me like you have with your DH.

TheGhostofAmandaClarke Thu 17-Oct-13 17:32:28

Well, reading your further posts YANBU.
You seem to be doing more than your fair share.

eurochick Thu 17-Oct-13 17:32:37

Yabu. The orange peel would have irritated me but it sounds like he did plenty around the house in the course of the day.

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