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To expect when my dh has said he has been doing housework all that day that includes, making beds, hovering, polishing, fuming!!!

(189 Posts)
Allthreerolledintoone Thu 17-Oct-13 16:46:05

I now work full-time and I am really struggling with work and running a home I feel like I do everything. Dh does most of the ironing, DIY occasionally tea and dishes sometimes pack lunches I do every thing else plus the above maybe not so much ironing but I will if needed.
Anyway kids have been home with dh today because of the strike. I come home from work and ask what they have been doing thinking dh may have taken them out and he said he bathed the kids, did all the housework and baking and washing three loads apparently( the basket was half empty yesterday so I doubt it unless he's emptied his work bag today instead of 2moro. Baking was 8 plain buns :-/ so hardly an afternoon.
Oh and he went to the shop I wrote a list of 8 items. I've come home and the house hasn't been polished or hoovered the beds haven't even been made, the bathroom is a mess and I am failing to see what house work he has actually done. I am livid because he could of made the beds at least and took the children out but no the kids look bored, my house looks exactly the same as I left it. Tbh it's tipped me over the edge I've had enough.
Yesterday he had an orange, peeled it and left the peel on the table. I left if for 2 days and no one put it in the bin only my mum did when she came around. I am sick to death of picking up after him to the point even these tiny tedious things irritate me. But apparently I am nagging, I am stressed and tired and irritated by his thoughtlessness. His excuses are I forgot, i I was going to do it, I didn't see it or il do it later but never actually does. Honestly I've been sat for the last hour in tears thinking I want him to leave. I cannot bear to be in the same room any more I do admit it's my time of the month if I seem extreme but it's all building up.

hettienne Thu 17-Oct-13 16:48:53

Are your standards quite high? I've never polished anything in my life. Hoovering should be done as part of standard housework though.

Some housework
Went to the shop
Looked after kids

That sounds like a fairly productive day to me?

VivaLeThrustBadger Thu 17-Oct-13 16:51:07

I've never polished anything in my life either. Making a bed consists of throwing the duvet back. I only dust about twice a year.

I'd have a fit if dh told me off for not doing it.

Dahlen Thu 17-Oct-13 16:52:00

Wifework is a book that will not only explain why it's perfectly rational for you to feel like this, but will also help you explain it your DH in a way that means he either shapes up or exposes his true colours.

5Foot5 Thu 17-Oct-13 16:53:22

I do sort of know where you are coming from because sometimes I get frustrated that there are jobs that seem obvious to me but DH won't notice them.

However, I think at least part of the problem may be that you have different expectations as to what needs doing.

I certainly don't expect the house to get polished and hoovered every day and the bathrooms get cleaned once a week. Oh and bed-making? Don't actually do much of that anyway just straighten the duvet.

FlapJackOLantern Thu 17-Oct-13 16:54:49

Can't remember the last time I polished. Hoovered about a week ago.

He's obviously got different standards to you.

And YABU to 'could of' anything when it should be 'could have' grin

(Maybe ^^ will take your mind off things?)

Mintyy Thu 17-Oct-13 16:54:53

How old are your children? It sounds as though he was quite busy. From your op your expectations seem unrealistic to me, sorry.

Have you any idea how soul destroying it is to be a sahp and be expected to do all the menial tasks as well? It is really boring and even if you aren't busy all day, the thought that the only thing you should be doing is housework is utterly demoralising.

ilovesooty Thu 17-Oct-13 16:56:23

Well of course if the OP were male she'dbe told that childcare is work and she should be pitching in as soon as sshe gets home from work.

Seriously it doesn't sound as though he's been doing nothing all day.

Sirzy Thu 17-Oct-13 16:56:29

Sounds like he had a pretty busy day really!

tinkertitonk Thu 17-Oct-13 16:56:32

OP, step back, re-read what you've written and wonder whether an unmade bed really matters.

getoffthecoffeetable Thu 17-Oct-13 16:56:52

I think you're being unreasonable. He hasn't sat on his bum all day, he's done things. Going shopping with kids is always epic and baking with them is brilliant. I think you should give him a break. And just because the kids look bored now doesn't mean they've had a crap day!

dreamingofsun Thu 17-Oct-13 17:00:16

can you get a cleaner? you won't win this argument - or at least in never have and i've worked f/t or nearly for 20 years with kids. i am currently waiting for husband to call engineer to fix radiator which has been leaking onto wooden floor and no doubt making it go rotten. they just think another way to us...thats why batchelor places always look like a tip.

get a cleaner - you can leave them lists of things to do. its like having a fairy coming into your house once a week

TheFabulousIdiot Thu 17-Oct-13 17:01:51

Do you hoover adn polish every day?

ilovesooty Thu 17-Oct-13 17:03:06

they just think another way to us

Don't let your desire to stereotype get in the way of the facts.

Allthreerolledintoone Thu 17-Oct-13 17:04:42

Um yes because I was a stay at home parent for 8 years I know exactly what it's like. I also know what it's like working all day and having to pick kids up, go to the shop and unload, make beds, do breakfast dishes and have tea cooking for when dh comes home. I do more after work then he did all day.
I am not expecting all of these things just something other then washing. He never ever makes the bed or hovers, he never picks up after himself which is my main bug bearers.
Ds must have has a nose bleed in the night his sheets are covered in blood so I've come home from work and have had to make the beds, change sheets and now cook the tea. My children are 9 and 5. The hall way needed hoovering and the beds making, changing that's it and maybe tea cooked would be a nice surprise.

Dahlen Thu 17-Oct-13 17:05:03

The trouble with housework is that having differing standards is one thing, but unless a compromise can be found, one person ends up feeling full of resentment. Whether you're the happily untidy who resents being made to feel like you can't put anything down without a dramatic eyeroll, or the put-upon martyr who's made to feel that they are good for nothing more than picking up other people's litter and dirty socks, it breeds lack of respect for each other because it's basically saying: your feelings about this don't matter enough to me for me to make an effort.

We don't know if the OP is a mad house-proud type or just an ordinary person who's fed up of living in a pigsty not of her own making. However, given that her DH thought it was acceptable to leave orange peel lying around indefinitely and it only got moved because her mum put it in the bin, my money is on the fact that the OP's standards are actually perfectly reasonable and her OP is just in the habit of letting others pick up after him.

expatinscotland Thu 17-Oct-13 17:06:26

Polishing? Daily? Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

sonlypuppyfat Thu 17-Oct-13 17:06:33

I honestly don't think me see jobs like we do. Mine will tell me he's done loads and I can never see it.

Allthreerolledintoone Thu 17-Oct-13 17:07:42

No I don't Hoover and Polish every day but I do come home from work and do it if needed. I mainly pissed of because I cannot see what he has done the house was relatively tidy yesterday so the fact he didn't make beds change bedding and take the kids out has really pissed me of. My mum had my poorly ds the other day and I came home to a lovely clean house and I could relax. I didn't expect to have to come home and do everything that I normally have to do.

StillSeekingSpike Thu 17-Oct-13 17:08:45

Oh I hate that 'I left that orange peel there on purpose just to see whether you were ever going to pick it up'! angry My ex used to do that to me.

Sammie101 Thu 17-Oct-13 17:09:54

That sounds like more than an afternoon's worth to me! And it also sounds like you have quite high standards when it comes to cleanliness.

However I do understand about the orange peel thing, it doesn't take much to pick it up and put it in the bin! My OH does similar things and it drives me crazy

ilovesooty Thu 17-Oct-13 17:10:11

I know men who are obsessively tidy and their partners much less so.

expatinscotland Thu 17-Oct-13 17:11:19

Why is the solution always, 'Get a cleaner'? In the real world, most people on one income don't have money to pay a cleaner.

Flibbertyjibbet Thu 17-Oct-13 17:11:30

I get confused on mumsnet.

When a dad is out all day and comes home after a mum has been looking after children all day, he is expected to start doing housework as sahms priority is childcare not housework.

Here we have a dad who has been at home all day with two primary aged kids, baked, shopped, washed etc, and working mum is ranting that he does not do enough.

Were the children supposed to just entertain themselves on the Wii or xbox while he polished the house?

hobnobsaremyfave Thu 17-Oct-13 17:11:59

when it comes to cleaning dh is far better at it than me, what bollocks the "men don't see mess the same as we do", some men don't just like some women don't.

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