Advanced search

To think that it is irresponsible to...

(31 Posts)
QueenoftheSarf Thu 17-Oct-13 15:41:36

...leave your child (aged 11) with your ex husband during half term week to go on holiday abroad with your new boyfriend and to only tell your ex and child that you will be going away but not where?

There are no issues of the mother being hunted down by her ex or trouble starting or anything like that whatsoever as she and her ex are on good terms. The reason given is simply "they don't need to know where I am as long as I'm contactable by phone".

Personally, I can't understand the mentality of this and wouldn't find this behaviour acceptable for a mother or a father of a dependent child but am beginning to wonder whether I'm over-reacting a bit? Is it something lots of people find perfectly reasonable?

TwoStepsBeyond Thu 17-Oct-13 18:18:43

Ivy I imagine its to do with having the ex look after the DS, perhaps he had booked time off to spend with him at half term and mum thought this was an ideal opportunity to get away.

As for being unfair to go away without your child, when you're solely responsible for looking after. DCs 90% of the time you need a break.

I find that if I'm at home, my DCs end up popping in because they have forgotten stuff, ex texts because he needs something etc. the only way to truly switch off is to get away.

Perhaps her new boyfriend is paying, so although she may not be able to afford to take her DS, she's not going to turn down the chance of a nice break instead of staying home alone, fending off requests for more socks or lost homework.

There are so many variables in this situation and you're right, without understanding the dynamics of any particular couple, especially a divorced couple co parenting a child, you can't really understand. I suggest you stay well out of it and keep your judgey pants neatly folded away for another day.

wigglesrock Thu 17-Oct-13 18:05:23

I'm leaving my 3 kids with my parents tomorrow & going away for the weekend <shrug>. I'm leaving them our 2 mobile numbers (which they have) & the name of the hotel.

The child in your example is with their Dad, am sure he will be able to manage for week.

Fishfingersandwich9 Thu 17-Oct-13 17:37:16

It seems petty but not irresponsible. If its only a week long trip then unlikely to be long haul and the ex knowing exact location won't make any difference if they have the phone number. Mobile phones work perfectly well abroad these days!

ColderThanAWitchsTitty Thu 17-Oct-13 16:33:32

I'd always want to have as many ways of contact for my childrens sake.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone Thu 17-Oct-13 16:19:23

As long as the child is fine with it then your opinion doesn't really matter foes it?

Snatchoo Thu 17-Oct-13 16:15:31

I think it's a bit weird tbh, but this is the way DSSs mum has always operated.

Except she would also turn off her phone and not actually be contactable at all angry

ivykaty44 Thu 17-Oct-13 16:09:40

I do wonder why though you would go on holiday during half term when you need to pay far more to holiday than either the week before or the week after confused

PerpendicularVincentPrice Thu 17-Oct-13 16:07:19

I agree with you OP, it seems strange. I'd want my child to have the comfort of knowing where I would be.

What if my mobile was lost/stolen, or there was an emergency and I had no signal?As a poster upthread said, if there was an incident my child may also worry I was involved.

Concern for DC would outweigh any concerns re judging cost of holiday etc, if someone did that it wouldn't bother me at all, my money my business!

SaucyJack Thu 17-Oct-13 16:07:02

Did you like her better when she was miserable and single and someone you could pity instead?

ivykaty44 Thu 17-Oct-13 16:06:46

it is irresponsible to leave your child with someone who is incapable of looking after your dc in any eventuality

Is the person the 11 year old child being left with incapable of looking after the child? If they are then and only then is the parent irresponsible and they need to search for another adult to take on the job

flippinada Thu 17-Oct-13 16:06:41


b) Please don't refer to this woman as your friend.

c) YABU, with bells and whistles on.

ihearsounds Thu 17-Oct-13 16:04:19

So mum gets some time to relax, while the child is spending quality time with their other parent.

The problem is?

ArtexMonkey Thu 17-Oct-13 16:04:13

She's your friend? You're slating her as irresponsible and judging her for not taking her child with her, and you call her your friend? Wow op. What are you like with people you're not friends with?

PeppiNephrine Thu 17-Oct-13 16:00:39

What about the child? They are fine, no doubt. You're really making a big deal of this, parents are allowed to have lives too you know.

AngelsLieToKeepControl Thu 17-Oct-13 16:00:36

Maybe its to avoid snidey digs because she is going away with her new boyfriend and not her child.

As long as she can be contacted in an emergency I don't see the issue.

ihearsounds Thu 17-Oct-13 16:00:19

Why is it irresponsible to leave a contact number?

QueenoftheSarf Thu 17-Oct-13 15:57:59

Perhaps I don't have the perspective on the situation that other people who have been, or who are divorced, have. I don't have any insight into the dynamics of a relationship with an ex. Maybe there are issues here I haven't considered or have no concept of. I just can't help thinking about the child though sad.

Oh and this is just a friend BTW.

PeppiNephrine Thu 17-Oct-13 15:56:55

Where is the irresponsible bit?

UnicornsNotRiddenByGrownUps Thu 17-Oct-13 15:54:56

Who are you in this situation? You sound like the father's partner??

I totally get why you wouldn't, all about privacy and relaxation. Also avoids judgements on price/location from the ex partner.

QueenoftheSarf Thu 17-Oct-13 15:51:59

Excuse me thebody? What do you mean, "drip feed"?

yeghoulsandlittledevils Thu 17-Oct-13 15:51:56

No, if it is just for a week and they have a phone number then I don't see the problem. If she's going abroad, it would take a while for her to return in an emergency wherever she is. Perhaps she feels the need to do that to be able to 'switch off' from parental responsibilities and hand over the reins to ExH. If it is for childish, petty reasons, and accompanied with moaning within the child's hearing, then that's another matter entirely.

QueenoftheSarf Thu 17-Oct-13 15:50:40

It seems I am overreacting a bit then. It's just something I wouldn't dream of ever doing personally so maybe that's why it seems like a big deal to me. Another aspect here is that I couldn't go away on holiday myself with a good heart knowing that I never take my DC anywhere. I'd feel too guilty to enjoy myself.

thebody Thu 17-Oct-13 15:49:44

if this is a drip feed then do please get it over with now.

as it stands as long as the parent is contactable then that's the main thing.

Lilicat1013 Thu 17-Oct-13 15:48:38

I wouldn't do it, if I left my child with anyone (including their father) I would give full contact details in case of an emergency. I would ensure they had the hotel name and number where we were staying in case there was an urgent need to reach me and they for some reason they couldn't get hold of me on my mobile.

I simply don't see the reason for it especially as she is on good terms with her ex partner. It is just weird for me, I am given more contact details for the people I cat sit for than she is giving to someone caring for her child.

DontPanicMrMannering Thu 17-Oct-13 15:48:34

I do think someone should know where she is, what if she was ill / died / disappeared <<pessimist>> although its not technically any of her exes business her child is old enough to worry.

For example tsunami time / ferry accident / earthquake / hurricane, mobile fails, child sat worrying thats where his mum is.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now