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To be sick of trying to lose weight and wonder if I should just accept myself as I am?

(85 Posts)
JulietBravoJuliet Thu 17-Oct-13 14:07:57

I'm 5ft 7in, weigh 13st 12lb and I'm a size 16 (14 in a lot of trousers/jeans etc but big busted!). I'm not enormous by any standards. I feel like I've been on a diet of some description for most of my adult life, and I really, really struggle to lose weight. I have an under active thyroid, which, although I'm on drugs for, seems to slow my metabolism down, and I have to eat very carefully to drop a few pounds. I've lost just over a stone and a half with SW since May, but have now hit a standstill. I calorie track as well using MFP and I'm genuinely not overheating yet I'm struggling to drop anymore, and I hate the thought that if I manage to lose more, I'll have to "diet" for the rest of my life to maintain it.

Today, so far, I have eaten:
Banana and yoghurt for breakfast
Cup of tea
Small brown roll with boiled egg, lettuce, tomato, cucumber and onion for lunch followed by some grapes and an apple
In the slow cooker, I have some soup - 2 rashers of bacon chopped up, onions, carrots, lentils, garlic, leeks, celery and tinned tomatoes. I will eat some of this for tea with some naan bread croutons and have made a sugar free jelly with raspberries which I will have with some raspberry sorbet.
I'll perhaps have another banana, or maybe 2 weetabix and raisins at about 8pm if I'm peckish.

This is a fairly typical day and I don't think it's that bad? I eat chocolate probably 3 times a week, but tend to buy a little Freddo or a small Milky Bar, and have a couple of glasses of wine on a weekend. We have pasta 2 or 3 times a week, plenty of fruit and veg and I eat very little bread (never white as it bloats me).

I'm about ready to give up and just accept that I'll be fat forever! So frustrated!

Davsmum Thu 17-Oct-13 15:11:10

Give up dieting - YES!
Every woman I know who is dieting has been 'dieting' for years and years!
One friend I have has been going to Slimming Club for 15 years! - she is still overweight.
You sound active enough so keep being active - as for food - You know deep down when/if you are eating the 'wrong' things so just try to make healthy choices and watch your portion sizes. Don't calorie count - it gets you obsessed! Just choose low fat and less sugar options.
Its hard to get off the dieting roundabout but when I stopped dieting and just decided to try new healthier types of meals I found I lost weight slowly over a long time.
I still mostly eat healthy stuff because I got used to it and love it but I don't say no to less healthy meals when I fancy them.

When I do over indulge I try to exercise more - as in walking or just moving about more!

Mitchy1nge Thu 17-Oct-13 15:14:17

am sure it is possible to 'accept yourself' whilst still acknowledging excess fat as a temporary physiological state that has little to do with who you actually are?

was just in response to thread title, will read actual thread now . . .

CoteDAzur Thu 17-Oct-13 15:14:23

As someone else said, you also need portion control.

And you need to exercise. Not only to burn calories but proper cardio to speed up your metabolism.

"Naan bread croutons, Weetabix, small brown roll" - Why not freshly baked whole wheat bread? Slice and keep in freezer, then heat a slice in the toaster when you need it. That brown roll has 150 kCal, for example.

Also, no Milky Way bars when you are trying to lose weight and I wouldn't have 2 bananas in 1 day, either.

Don't forget to have protein. Eat lots of vegetables and salad (with only 1 spoon olive oil). Have an egg or a chicken breast with your salad.

HotelTangoFoxtrotUniform Thu 17-Oct-13 15:16:49

Please don't choose low fat options. They are full of crap and are part of the problem. Dietary fat does not make you fat unless you eat it to excess - as and excess of anything does. Fat gives things flavour and when they make a low fat yoghurt or whatever they pump it with sugar to replace the lost flavour. It's not a healthy alternative.

Around 1/3 or more of my calories come from fat and I wear a 6/8. When I ate low fat etc I was still a size 16.

Beastofburden Thu 17-Oct-13 15:17:39

I have a friend who has lost 12 stone (no, that is not a typo) by becoming involved in a specific sport. She adores it, it makes her very happy, it protects her mental health and of course, she has resolved her very longstanding weight issues.

Perhaps that would be the right way for you?

Davsmum Thu 17-Oct-13 15:24:09


I agree with what you say re the low fat - I didn't mean low fat options as in processed foods - I meant more in choosing low fat meats.

Mitchy1nge Thu 17-Oct-13 15:25:28

oh horses are a great incentive to keep an eye on your weight, it's scary to weigh yourself in your hat and boots and winter stuff but that's what the horse is expected to carry and jump with and so on shock and the fitter you are the easier everything generally is

I hope it works out and you are feeling better and back in the saddle soon

JulietBravoJuliet Thu 17-Oct-13 15:26:15

If I tell myself I can't have a little Milky Bar, I'll crave chocolate and have a huge Mars bar instead!! I know exactly what I should be doing to lose weight, but I find it so bloody hard, it makes me miserable, and I don't think being slim will make me happy anyway to be fair!

WorraLiberty Thu 17-Oct-13 15:26:53

Of course we should all accept ourselves for who we are, but that doesn't necessarily mean giving up trying to lose weight.

Diets don't work (you've proved that) but whilst 'giving up' may bring you some temporary 'relief' now, what about the future?

Getting older/the menopause often leads to weight gain, so while you might be happy to give up now at a size 16, will you be happy if that possibly rises to 18/20 in the future?

Perhaps more vigorous exercise and portion control is the way forward.

frumpet Thu 17-Oct-13 15:32:49

beastofburden you have to tell us what that sport was please ?

Lilacroses Thu 17-Oct-13 15:35:25

It depends what you mean by "diet" though doesn't it? I've changed the way I eat but I don't see it as a diet more as my diet if that makes sense. I think you have to find a way of eating that is healthy for the most part but also allows you to enjoy the foods that you like some of the time. Well, you don't have to do anything but you know what I mean!

I wouldn't want to be going to weight watchers for example for the rest of my life but as Worra says neither do I want to end up larger and larger as the years progress so DP and I have decided we are determined to find something that works for us long term.

msshapelybottom Thu 17-Oct-13 15:38:09

Another fan of Health at Every Size. I am in the middle of recovering from 6 years of pretty extreme dieting and exercising in order to try and force my body into a size it was never meant to be. I buggered my metabolism up good and proper! I had an eating disorder really.

There is a book by Linda Bacon called Health at Every Size which is quite eye opening. It cites lots of research which shows that people who are overweight are not the burden on the health system as is made out.

Personally I will never diet again. I kept 3 stone off for almost 5 years but by the time I gave up my hair & eyebrows were falling out, I was always freezing cold, I wasn't sleeping and I was putting the weight back on anyway despite still restricting calories and lifting weights.

I was no happier at a size 10 than I am now at a size 16, and now my health is slowly coming back.

Maybe start working on how you feel inside? Do you really want to diet for the rest of your life?

Beastofburden Thu 17-Oct-13 15:54:15

frumpet I dont want my friend to feel outed by me, so I need to be a bit vague. It was an endurance sport, involving several hours of training every weekend, and some major events once or twice a year which took several days and were very sociable. Examples of that kind of sport include marathon running, triathlons and long distance cycling.

Snatchoo Thu 17-Oct-13 16:04:20

If you are logging that on MFP, I can almost guarantee you that people would say you are starving yourself!

I don't want to have to maintain my weight on a meagre 1500 calories per day so I low carb. I don't count calories (although sometimes I do log on MFP to chart everything) and I know I do lose better when I'm eating more.

Also, plateaus can last a loooooooooong time.

rainbowfeet Thu 17-Oct-13 16:15:44

I dread to think of the danger I've put my health in over the last 20 years with my obsession ... Extreme starvation, binging, banned slimming pills, laxatives, purging... But I know by far the one organ that I've damaged is my brain!!! Some days I look in the mirror & just cry wishing I didn't have to leave the house! confused

GiddyStars Thu 17-Oct-13 16:23:53

Having a slipped disc will play merry hell with your weight might be a tad bitter angry so please try not to worry too much at the moment. It's the inactivity and the over eating because you are in constant pain and feeling depressed I may be projecting a bit grin

Just make sure you try and do some gentle Pilates when you can so that you don't fuck up your metabolism with immobility like I did. That way it will be easier to pick up where you left off when you are feeling better.

But honestly, go easy on yourself. It is a lot simpler and less soul destroying to attack the fat when you are not in pain already. It's falling off me now only 4 stone to go

Skinheadmermaid Thu 17-Oct-13 16:35:03

Cut the carbs and start exercising. Start with weight lifting, this will burn more calories then cardio and will tone and shape you (and no you won't get big or masculine looking) then once you've lost a few points and feel fitter start jogging, swimming and join the gym or learn a martial art.
I was overweight from the age of approximately 13, even though i watched everything i ate, simply because i did absolutely no exercise, i had no friends and spent all my time in my room reading. In my early twenties I gave up watching what i ate, was very depressed and miserable and consequently absolutely ballooned and ended up over eighteen stone.
I have since lost this and for the first time in my life am a normal weight.
I recently have gained a few pounds because i started eating carbs again and drinking alcohol-don't do it! Cut out all the white flour from your diet and the alcohol and you will see results.
Stick to vegetables, dairy and meat. Don't bother with low fat crap, it will just leave you craving more.
Don't fool yourself that you look fine, you know in your heart that you can look so much better.
If i can do it so can you.

FunnysInLaJardin Thu 17-Oct-13 16:56:44

OP, the best thing you can do for yourself is to accept yourself for who you are and stop worrying about not conforming to some accepted norm. Your weight and height sound fine and you are obviously healthy and mindful about what you eat.

I stopped 'dieting' years ago although generally follow the WW points plan as a guide as left to my own devices I would just keep putting on weight! As proved by the 1.5 stone put on over the summer when I ate whatever I fancied......

JulietBravoJuliet Thu 17-Oct-13 18:10:26

Thanks guys smile mixed responses here! I know I need to lose weight and I know I'll look better if I do, but, in the past, I've been a size 12 (when I had horses and was competing regularly) and I've been a size 18-20, and I cannot remember any difference in how I have felt about myself. At a 12, I felt fat, hated how I looked in clothes, felt like everyone was judging me because of how I looked. At an 18, ditto. I don't feel comfortable in my skin, never have done and probably never will do, and I think I need to address that issue and try to like myself a bit more! Not quite sure how exactly...

msshapelybottom Thu 17-Oct-13 19:03:24

JulietBravo, why do you think you need to lost weight? Who do you want to look "better" for? Better than what exactly?

You've hit the nail on the head, you need to work on accepting yourself now and think about the other stuff later. Nothing good ever came from hating yourself!

msshapelybottom Thu 17-Oct-13 19:03:58

Ohbloody hell, I meant "nothing good ever comes from hating yourself".

josephinebruce Thu 17-Oct-13 19:18:20

JulietBravo - I've been there and know exactly how you feel! It also didn't help that my last partner made it clear that I was far too fat for him (he admitted that all the women he'd been involved with before me had been practically anorexic) and, although I hate to admit it, his attitude really hurt - even though I knew he was a right tosser.
I wish I had the solution to make you feel better about yourself and the magic words to convince you that you are ok as you are - but you have to believe it yourself.
Just get yourself better and start moving a bit more - having a back injury is a good incentive to do a bit of physical activity - I have one and feel better when I'm exercising...nothing heavy or too much and I don't try and compete with the gym bunnies. And relax and just eat healthily. If you want that Milky Way have it. Just don't have the Mars Bar as well!!
Mostly, take care of yourself and try and see yourself for the lovely, gorgeous, curvy woman you are xx

nobutts Thu 17-Oct-13 19:29:19

You're eating quite a lot of carbs and sugar in sorbets, fruit, wine and chocolate. Eat much more protein - and make it tasty - don't lose the fat on it..steaks, chops, duck breasts, meatballs, eggs. More leafy veg, way fewer carbs, lift weights, do'll lose weight end of. It's not a diet, it's a lifestyle choice. If you really change to this kind of eating, it'll be hard to have too large portions and once the weight falls of (it will without fail) you'll be able to eat the treats you're eating normally anyway. AND accept yourself as you are..but who you are isn't in your weight, it's your personality, love, humour and life.

Housesellerihope Thu 17-Oct-13 19:29:47

JBJ, I do think you'll be healthier if you lose weight. A couple of things that have helped me lose were 1. eat a big bowl of raw vegetables 30 minutes before lunch and dinner (fills you up so you eat less calorie-dense stuff), and quit eating anything with more than 10g sugar per 100g. very dark choclate is ok - after a week or two of this sugary foods just started tasting weird and unpleasant to me. Finally once a week just have a blowout meal and eat what you like with the exception of sugar. That way instead of looking forward to treats at each meal you can look forward to that one particular meal instead. For me knowing I'd be having a curry with naan and all the trimmings at the weekend kept me going during the week.

However if you decide to accept yourself as you are that's ok too, but definitely once your back is better increase the amount of exercise you do because exercise can protect your health even if you're overweight.

There's a very interesting though fairly academic article here about weight loss myths and facts

Nancy66 Thu 17-Oct-13 19:38:30

You're not big and I bet absolutely nobody thinks you are either. You're active, you're healthy.

If you stop fretting about food, stop analysing and calorie counting and obsessing you'll prob find you'll drop some weight anyhow.

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