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To be sick of trying to lose weight and wonder if I should just accept myself as I am?

(85 Posts)
JulietBravoJuliet Thu 17-Oct-13 14:07:57

I'm 5ft 7in, weigh 13st 12lb and I'm a size 16 (14 in a lot of trousers/jeans etc but big busted!). I'm not enormous by any standards. I feel like I've been on a diet of some description for most of my adult life, and I really, really struggle to lose weight. I have an under active thyroid, which, although I'm on drugs for, seems to slow my metabolism down, and I have to eat very carefully to drop a few pounds. I've lost just over a stone and a half with SW since May, but have now hit a standstill. I calorie track as well using MFP and I'm genuinely not overheating yet I'm struggling to drop anymore, and I hate the thought that if I manage to lose more, I'll have to "diet" for the rest of my life to maintain it.

Today, so far, I have eaten:
Banana and yoghurt for breakfast
Cup of tea
Small brown roll with boiled egg, lettuce, tomato, cucumber and onion for lunch followed by some grapes and an apple
In the slow cooker, I have some soup - 2 rashers of bacon chopped up, onions, carrots, lentils, garlic, leeks, celery and tinned tomatoes. I will eat some of this for tea with some naan bread croutons and have made a sugar free jelly with raspberries which I will have with some raspberry sorbet.
I'll perhaps have another banana, or maybe 2 weetabix and raisins at about 8pm if I'm peckish.

This is a fairly typical day and I don't think it's that bad? I eat chocolate probably 3 times a week, but tend to buy a little Freddo or a small Milky Bar, and have a couple of glasses of wine on a weekend. We have pasta 2 or 3 times a week, plenty of fruit and veg and I eat very little bread (never white as it bloats me).

I'm about ready to give up and just accept that I'll be fat forever! So frustrated!

Mia4 Thu 17-Oct-13 14:19:48

Op please don't beat yourself up this sort of thing happens when losing weight and even if it didn't you have done really well.

The one thing I do wonder if if you should focus less on the food worrying and more on exercising instead. My friend has almost no thyroid auction and struggled for years too. At one point all she drank was shakes and took in barely any calories. In the end our mutual friend- a personal trainer- offered her free help and got her eexercising for half hour a day. Some funky programme that is 5 mins strength then 5 cardio then 5 abs. He also got her swimming too. She went from a size 26 to a 16- it took over a tear but she is now happy and just eats healthily and swims a lot. She can outswit anyone I know!

Jasmine and green teas help with bloating as can peppermint oil capsules or tea.

Just please don't be so hard on yourself- to do what you are doing now is amazing as if is

KateCroydon Thu 17-Oct-13 14:20:48

YY. Life is far too short to diet.

Dahlen Thu 17-Oct-13 14:21:03

Do you want to lose weight because of your health or your appearance? Or is it a combination of both? Forget your clothing size and BMI and think about how you feel if you run up the stairs or walk a mile to the shops. You can be a couple of stone overweight quite comfortably without any risk to your health provided your diet is good and you are taking regular exercise. Beyond that, it's just cosmetic.

What you're eating sounds fine, although there is maybe too much sugar in it (it doesn't matter that it's the type of sugar naturally found in fruit). It encourages the body to store fat. Also, what are your portion sizes like? I know quite a few people who have an excellent diet but they are overweight simply because they eat a lot of it.

It may also be worth a trip back to the Doctor as you may find that your thyroid medication needs upping. You could also investigate food intolerances (as opposed to allergies).

Good luck and I'm sure you look fine. smile

Pinkbutterfly31 Thu 17-Oct-13 14:21:14

What about exercise? I found with me, weightloss happened a lot quicker when I was exercising regularly. I feel for you though, I am 5ft 9 and a size 10 but it's taken me years to lose the weight to get here. I have relaxed my eating and exercising regime and have managed to put a stone back on. It's so depressing as all I have to do is look at something fattening and I put on a pound. I hate feeling like I constantly have to watch what I eat! Xx

Mia4 Thu 17-Oct-13 14:22:46

And tbd I don't think you ate fat anyway but I know how it is feel that way. I'm a size 12 and when I gain more or bloat I feel very fat. Especially when bloating.

I want a milky bar now too

JulietBravoJuliet Thu 17-Oct-13 14:27:17

It's more appearance than anything; I'm pretty fit. I walk about 2-3 miles a day with the dog, do a circuit training class once a week and ride when I get the chance (just been potentially offered a horse share so this may improve smile ). At the minute, however, I'm laid up with a slipped disc and I'm feeling sorry for myself! I just want to look better in clothes, but, on the other hand, I'm not sure that I'd ever be happy with how I look, regardless of my weight, so maybe I ought to just accept it and work with what I've got!

Pinkbutterfly31 Thu 17-Oct-13 14:30:46

JBJ what you say is very true. I will fully hold my hands up and say that, when I was bigger, I kept saying to myself "if I can get to a 10 I'll be happy". Well, I ended up getting to an 8 - now I'm back to a 10. Am I happy? Nope, I'm still moaning! I just want to slap myself sometimes.

JulietBravoJuliet Thu 17-Oct-13 14:34:31

I look in the mirror and see a huge, grotesque woman staring back at me. To me, I look no different to how I did at 15 1/2 stone yet I know I've shrunk, I just can't see it. That's what makes me think even at. Size 12 or 10 I would still see that same person, and maybe it's that issue I need to work on as oppose to being hung up on what the scales say! I have so many friends who are a similar size/weight to me, who are happy, attractive and confident, yet I just don't feel like that.

debka Thu 17-Oct-13 14:37:03

Absolutely you should accept and love yourself the way you are. Do you have people in your life who love you and tell you they do?

I've lost weight to get to my current size- 5'8, about 14.5 stone and a size 16. In an ideal world I'd be 3 stone lighter and a size 12 but fuck it, I look hot in the right clothes, I have a man who fancies the arse off me, and tbh life is just too damn short to be miserable.

Mia4 Thu 17-Oct-13 14:37:40

I think if yiu have a slipped disc you need to be taking it easy and not worrying so.much about it- sounds very painful.

Most people find something they really don't like about themselves and then we worry and stress over it too much. As you say even if that thing goes away you may just find something else.

JulietBravoJuliet Thu 17-Oct-13 14:40:02

That's the exact attitude I'd like to have!
No, I don't really have people who tell me they love me! I have a very small family, small group of friends and I seem to scare men off lol I was in a rather destructive relationship for a few years off and on, with a man who constantly told me I needed to lose weight, would pinch an inch and laugh, and was critical of everything. Stupidly, it took me way too long to get rid of him and the effects have long lingered.

Pinkbutterfly31 Thu 17-Oct-13 14:42:25

I must admit, when I got to an 8, I was finally happy with myself. It is very hard to maintain though! Now I've put on a stone I feel like I did when I was 6 stone heavier, which I know is ridiculous.

The human mind is a strange thing!

You've done a great job with your weightloss so far, some people just take longer to lose than others. Maybe try switching it up with another diet? Get the motivation back on track. The good thing is, slower weight loss means you're much less likely to put it all back on. Also, it takes time for your mind to adjust to what you're actually seeing in the mirror, especially if you've been bigger for a long time.

HotelTangoFoxtrotUniform Thu 17-Oct-13 14:42:34

It takes a while for your head to catch up with your weightloss - when I lost weight it took a couple of years for me to stop seeing the bigger me in the mirror.

I think you need to give yourself a break. Dieting can become all consuming and it sucks the joy out of food and, frankly, life. Take a couple of weeks off and spend them doing things you enjoy then reassess. Remember what your body can do and celebrate it for that rather than what you look like.

If you want diet advice, which it assume you may after posting your food intake - cut carbs. I had a plateau I couldn't get through for years and am now comfortably ten lbs below that because I cut back on my carb intake. Sometimes it helps to just mix it up a bit.

And chuck out your scales - go by measurements or how your clothes fit. Weight is so variable and so obsession-making it really isn't helpful.

ithaka Thu 17-Oct-13 14:43:11

The only thing I will say is portion control. IME, it is not what people eat but how much they eat that is the problem. I eat what I want & I am thin. I always assumed I was lucky, until a friend pointed out that I don't actually eat that much - apparently I eat small portions, but they fill me up.

They only time I got tubby was when I was breastfeeding - I have never been so hungry in my life. My diet didn't change but the volume of food did. Cut down on how much you eat and you'll lose weight.

spindlyspindler Thu 17-Oct-13 14:45:52

I say stop focusing on numbers. I've been overweight (more so than you, I think) ever since I hit puberty to some extent. I have lost significant amounts of weight three times and each time have put it back on plus a little more. About five years ago I made a conscious decision to like myself as I was, stop fretting about blokes who didn't fancy overweight women since it was fairly obvious I was always going to be one, and not get hung up on chasing numbers.

I've now accepted that I will probably always be overweight to some extent. I love food - cooking and eating it - and the thought of spending the rest of my life counting calories or Points or "Syns" (bleargh) makes me want to shoot myself. (Not that I can manage it anyway, because whenever my weight has started to go up it's been because I was absolutely starving).

I'm now practising HAES (health at every size), which is about mindful eating (in broad terms, eating what you want when you're hungry, eating slowly, and stopping when you're full) and getting moving for fun rather than chasing numbers. If you google HAES and mindful eating, there are some very good sites out there. Also, Paul McKenna's I Can Make You Thin book and CD are actually all about mindful eating rather than about conforming to some sort of objective standard of fashion industry thinness. They are very good.

In short, I would say don't spoil your life with dieting - which is not the same as saying "don't try to be healthy".

Rollermum Thu 17-Oct-13 14:47:17

This could be me, though I am three stone heavier! I have an under active thyroid too and find even when the levels seem fine I do not lose weight.

The only thing that has worked for me was eating very low carb. But this created quite a bad binge / diet cycle - I tended to regain.

Also I would recommend exercise as a way to feel good about yourself and possibly a sport too - gives you a new perspective on your body. Sounds like you do exercise already and have a slipped disc, but wanted to say anyway.

ILoveMakeUp Thu 17-Oct-13 14:48:03

We all know that we should just accept ourselves as we are, but not everybody does. Anyway, being slim is healthier than being overweight and is better for you as you get older (no idea how old you are, OP. I expect quite young).

Looking at what you eat, I would try to cut out carbs for a month. Eat everything else you normally eat on your diet, but no bread, pasta, potatoes, rice. I think you will be amazed at how much weight falls off just doing that.

ILoveMakeUp Thu 17-Oct-13 14:50:13

... and get yourself a Diet Plate to address portion control.

happybubblebrain Thu 17-Oct-13 14:50:35

Without a doubt you should accept yourself as you are.

I was a size 8 throughout my 20s and early 30s but I had to half starve myself and do more than 2 hours exercise a day to stay that way, some days lots more. I wasn't happy.

Now I'm in my 40s and a size 12, I'm probably a bit overweight but I don't weigh myself. I eat what I like but still do about an hour exercise every day. I am happy.

There is nothing that would make me want to go back to my old self. Life is about enjoyment, not about being a certain size.

rainbowfeet Thu 17-Oct-13 14:51:44

Debka.... Love your attitude to life send me some now!!! grin

I could have written this post word for word other than the thyroid part! hmm

I have battled with my weight since my teens, I'm now approx 13 stone & a size 16... Feel like I should stop letting my weight/dress size make me so miserable.... Is it my size stopping me find a bf or is it my low self esteem?! hmm

JulietBravoJuliet Thu 17-Oct-13 14:52:09

I'm 35 so not mega-young smile I'm hoping that once I'm mobile again and able to view this horse, then I might be able to lose some just through exercise. I've tried cutting out carbs before and it's honestly my idea of hell! Really, really struggle, feel hungry and crave them lol

JulietBravoJuliet Thu 17-Oct-13 14:54:01

Ooh I like the look of that diet plate... Wonder how high I could pile it...? wink

CoteDAzur Thu 17-Oct-13 15:06:24

As s

Lilacroses Thu 17-Oct-13 15:08:48

I really love the posts on this thread. So supportive and humourous. I have been trying to lose weight for the last few months. I lost 7lbs just by eating really healthily and cutting out the crap (which for me meant biscuits and sweets).

Now I have stopped losing weight and do feel, since I've put on nearly 2 stone over the past few years from stuffing myself, that I need to lose more. I'm just starting the 5:2 diet and am feeling as if I can cope with it because it is simple. My DP, who has 3 stone to lose, is doing really well on it. I understand exactly what you mean though. I AM happy with myself but I was concerned that when I literally "ate what I like" I was steadily gaining weight and as a very short person it didn't look or feel good. I also didn't want to end up being even larger and have an even harder job getting it off.

I do think these sort of part time diets are the way to go for me, where you are very careful some of the time and more relaxed at others. It seems to sit well with me emotionally ifyswim. I don't have to think of certain foods as a complete no go, I just have to think "not today" . We shall see!

Good luck though, I do sympathise and I do think that ultimately being happy with yourself is more important than losing weight.

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