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To be slightly pissed off at this comment from dh regarding housework?

(362 Posts)
Stillhopingstillhere Mon 14-Oct-13 11:28:12

I've been a sahm since ds was born so consequently all childcare and housework, cooking, ironing etc has been my responsibility. This is fine as dh works long hours. Anyway ds has started school now so I've started to look at going back to work. I mentioned to dh last night about a coupe of things I might apply for on top of the volunteering I'm doing at the moment. His response? As long as you can keep the house tidy and keep on top of the housework I don't mind what you do.

Aibu to think why should that be any more my job than his if we are both working?

marriedinwhiteisback Wed 16-Oct-13 21:42:59

But just think how much more time you'd have for sex if all the housework was done motherinferior wouldn't that be more fun than talking about housework. grin.

Guess we all want and expect different things.

motherinferior Wed 16-Oct-13 21:46:28

What, you mean I would be allowed sex once I'd tidied up?

Sod that. Why would I want to shag a bloke who considered me his skivvy? I'm afraid Neanderthals have never really fried my onion, sexually.

marriedinwhiteisback Wed 16-Oct-13 21:48:31

Allowed sex, no MI I'd expect you make him hoover naked in a pinny and while you waited in your stockings and suspenders. I hope he'd be trained to fold his pinny nicely before putting it away though.

motherinferior Wed 16-Oct-13 21:51:21

I simply do not want to do a man's housework. I don't like housework. I find the assumption that I should do it because it makes 'family life' easier completely erroneous; it makes my life vastly less pleasant. I find the idea of enabling my partner to have an interesting, well-paid and highly respected job by virtue of taking on his domestic work actually rather degrading. I can't understand why I should have to do a lot of something we both dislike just to make his life more comfortable.

I guess my expectations are just higher than thatgrin

marriedinwhiteisback Wed 16-Oct-13 21:54:32

Logging off for a while now. He's nearly home and I want to pop his dinner in the microwave and make sure the kitchen's tidy smile.

motherinferior Wed 16-Oct-13 21:55:22

But hell, if it's easier to think of me as a bearded ball-breaker, go right ahead. I'll just enjoy the fact that I haven't had to do the washing in months grin

eggyhead Wed 16-Oct-13 22:01:24


Tell him that some people (i.e. me and DH) leave at 7.45am and get home at 7pm (sometimes later) and still shop, cook from scratch, do the washing, ironing, housework and gardening.

He needs to get in the real world!

merrymouse Wed 16-Oct-13 22:06:37

married, I didn't get the impression that the OP objected to doing any housework or even most of the housework. She objected to her DH remarking that it was only ok to do other things once she had done the housework.

ScaryFucker Wed 16-Oct-13 22:07:28

Talking of the OP, anybody remember her ?

Slipshodsibyl Wed 16-Oct-13 22:41:46

In once had a friend who maintained that she enjoyed sex much more when she had done all the washing. I thought it a bit odd. I wonder what she'd think of Mother Inferior not having done the washing for months grin

nooka Thu 17-Oct-13 01:22:37

My dh does all the washing. I don't think it makes him feel frisky...

When he was home with the children at school he did everything that needed doing at home, plus had a good chunk of free time. I was happy at work, he was happy at home and the children were happy with having him home. All great. But unfortunately I'm not enough of a high flyer, and actually I don't really think it's terribly healthy or wise to spend huge chunks of your life being economically inactive. Plus it was stressful relying on one salary.

So he's back at work and now we all have to pitch in with housework. None of us do a good job standing on our heads, and our four bedroom house takes about two hours for all of us pitching in to clean. Plus maybe an hour each day for cooking and other chores. So not a huge amount of time all in I guess. We do it after school/homework and work and before activities, and it is not a real problem to fit it in. None the less we'd all love to have someone else do it instead!

merrymouse Thu 17-Oct-13 06:59:47

I don't really think it's terribly healthy or wise to spend huge chunks of your life being economically inactive

Agree with this - it is a risk. If you are prepared to take the risk and have a fulfilling life, great. However, all things being equal, from a sensible point of view keeping a foot in the money earning door trumps keeping the piano dusted.

GrandstandingBlueTit Thu 17-Oct-13 08:43:00

Spectacular spot of point missing there, married.

You can't understand why women don't want to do housework, but don't for a second expect your own husband to lift a finger. What's that about?

You're coming across most irrationally on this thread, if I may say.

marriedinwhiteisback Thu 17-Oct-13 08:57:24

Think I've said what it's about several times now. If a partner is out of the house working under huge pressure for 14+ hours a day and if there is money to outsource then outsource. My DH and I make an equal contribution to our partnership. I do not understand why any partner woukd resent coming in and doing an hour or less of chores if their partner follows three hours later because they are workinng for the good of the family. My DH has already done and hour and a half at work - I am sitting in the car park Mnetting before starting work - what don't you understand about mutual support and playing to each other's strength?i

motherinferior Thu 17-Oct-13 09:04:09

I suppose if you've sunk everyone's individual wants, needs and identities into this multi-headed hydra of a Family and Partnership, there is a logic to saying "I am going to work more hours (building my own career, reputation and income) so you must take on my drudgery". Here in the Inferiority Complex, the fact that my working hours enable my partner to go to more evening meetings are not used as a reason why I should also do his share of the hoovering.

And I'd rather use 30 minutes to practise the piano than dust it!

BurberryQ Thu 17-Oct-13 09:04:47

its all v well married but what about when he fucks off and leaves you for a younger woman who will reap the benefits of all that career building he did? leaving you at home clutching a damp cloth with zero prospects and the kids to raise?
not that i am suggesting that your husband will do this, but in general it is a distinct possibility - and it does happen to the smuggest people...

GrandstandingBlueTit Thu 17-Oct-13 09:07:07

It's fine if both parties agree to it, married. That is a moot point, surely. Especially as it doesn't apply to the (departed) OP's situation.

But - once again - I'm picking up on your comment questioning why women people don't just get on with the housework and do it, and stop moaning about it. When you, yourself outsource it, as you clearly prefer not to do it.

And yet again, you're contradicting yourself. If housework really is no big deal and can be done in the time it takes to complain about it, then why can't your DH run a quick cloth over the bench top when he gets in from his hard day toiling at the office?

One the one hand, house work is nothing, no effort and no bother. But on the other, big ol' important high-flying boss man can't possibly be expected to do any of it. Bless him.

That particular comment was so out of left-field and you don't appear able to defend it.

Loopylala7 Thu 17-Oct-13 09:35:34

Bill him for your house keeping. Work out a rate, break it down into tasks and how long each task takes you. Present the bill and say, I was thinking of returning to work, but if you still want me to perform every household task, then I think it's only faire I'm salaried for it.

wordfactory Thu 17-Oct-13 09:48:41

See married I just don't buy the 'he works for the good of the family' thing.

I happen to be married to someone in a long hours/high pressure job and he would be the first to admit that he doesn't just do it for us. He was doing it way before we had DC. He likes it. He's ambitious.

Sure we benefit from the cash. But that doesn't mean we should all run our lives around facilitating it.

DH and I know quite a few guys who insist that their work come first, second and third. And that becomes the normality for those families.

But it really isn't necessary.

There are loads and loads of men and women working in the city, whilst simultaneously helping with kids, being involved in schooling, over seeing domestic issues.

Who would want to be married to someone who absented themselves from family life?

wordfactory Thu 17-Oct-13 09:50:13

To be honest the whole idea that the man of the house can't fit in anyhting but his job is pretty 1980s, no?

GrandstandingBlueTit Thu 17-Oct-13 09:57:23

It is a bit Gordon Gekko. <swank>


limon Thu 17-Oct-13 10:05:32

Wow. DH is a sahd and I do more than half the housey stuff.I am at work four days a week. Looking after a child is work in itself.

marriedinwhiteisback Thu 17-Oct-13 10:05:46

But I do work and earn a good professional salary with a good pension and don't sit at home clutching a damp cloth. Leaving me with nothing - don't think so that's why we had a pre-nup.

But if you agree at the outset and if you both feel the partnership is equal and you all love each other - what is wrong with that.

And our DC are already raised so he hasn't left me to do it on their own for a younger model yet. I suppose he might but I doubt it but if her does I've a good career, a good pension and will have a couple of mill behind me - ie - the percentage I put into our family home all those years ago so even if he escaped a settlement altogether I'd be mighty fine based on my own individual and personal efforts. He's really not the sort of chap to have stayed with a frumpy drudge

GrandstandingBlueTit Thu 17-Oct-13 10:10:05

And still no explanation as to why women should just get on with the housework, regardless of their SAH/WOH status, while men (high-earning ones, anyway) should be exempt...................

BurberryQ Thu 17-Oct-13 10:15:03

well that is reassuring married!!
but you know what i mean, not just your particular circs.
you are right though that keeping a house reasonable is not actually that hard, sadly i have only discovered this recently!

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