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To refuse to host Xmas dinner for 16 when I will be 40wks pregnant?

(139 Posts)
pinkjumper1 Sun 13-Oct-13 18:45:54

I discovered today that all the in-laws were planning to come to us for Xmas dinner. DH is horrified that I said no. I had invited my dad, sister and her boyfriend (a chef!) as we will need someone to look after DCs if the baby is born that day but I don't think I'll be up to entertaining a huge crowd. Am I just being hormonal or is this not a good idea when I'll either have a newborn or be due to give birth? I do like hosting big Christmas dinners normally. Any other year...

dyslexicdespot Tue 15-Oct-13 09:09:32

The OP has already said no, why should she retract her refusal?

The issue is that her husband is "horrified" because she refused. We should offer her advice on how to slice, dice and dress a grown man, and stuff him in a xmas hamper! I'm sure his family will be delighted.

bigbrick Tue 15-Oct-13 09:04:27

The guests must do all the shopping, cooking, clearing, all meals and all sorting out at your house. They sort our their beds, bring their bedding & towels or wash everything before going home. You will either be doing nothing or giving birth or already with a newborn. Make it clear that nothing will be ready for them or done. If you have your newborn in your arms you will need quiet and calm and time to recover.

MalcolmTuckersMistress Tue 15-Oct-13 08:06:01

Jesus! Tell them to fuck off and that you're busy that day. How stupid must someone actually be to think that that could possibly be even slightly a good idea?

Ericaequites Tue 15-Oct-13 02:56:29

No is a complete sentence. With a new baby, you need calm.

CanucksoontobeinLondon Tue 15-Oct-13 02:16:16

OP, you are not being unreasonable. Stand fast.

As for KiwiMum, your in-laws sound positively murder-able. No jury would convict you!

kiwimumof2boys Tue 15-Oct-13 01:50:43

Oh and FIL told DH's grandparents I was a 'little tired and tetchy' and 'couldn't believe' I was still in my PJ's. I was angry.

kiwimumof2boys Tue 15-Oct-13 01:48:45

Pinupgirl - thats terrible ! I had a similar experience when DS3 was 3 days old - in laws told us they were coming down (they live 4 hours away) and promptly turned up at 8am Saturday morning, empty handed and sat down while I faffed around making them coffee and morning tea. Then after I made DH get up, they left for an hour, saying they'd be back in an hour for lunch. "Oh good" I thought. "They're going shopping for food." er no, they'd been to visit a friend and arrived back again empty handed (Despite passing 2 supermarkets). Luckily we had food, but me and DH were rushing around making lunch and looking after 2 DC and a 3 day old, and again in laws just sat there, and then I cleared up (again no help) and when i suggested they take 2 older DS to park MIL rolled her eyes, and they got the pip when they came back and I was in bed. They then drove 4 hours home. hmm
But, I think OP's situation is much worse !

JenaiMorris Mon 14-Oct-13 18:14:45

Did the ILs invite themselves, or did your dh invite them, OP?

pigletmania Mon 14-Oct-13 18:09:46

Yanbu tell them it's bring a dish day. Then sit and put your feet up. No bloody way, dh can book a restaurant then!

Pinupgirl Mon 14-Oct-13 18:07:41

YADNBU op!!-I can easily believe that the inlaws don't see this as a problem-some people are selfish arses.

Some dh's clearly don't have a clue either-on the day I got out of hospital with dc3,dh decided we had to have a bbqhmm He then spent hours building new bbq,leaving me to be responsible for our 3 dcs and brand new baby.

He then buggered off for hours to buy food for said bbq but not before shouting cheerily from the car that inlaws were coming roundangry

I ended up running around entertaining inlaws,bil,sil and 2 dns-while they all sat on their arses,I was serving tea and biscuitsangry-I was 5 days post section!!!!

I have never truly forgiven dh for it.

MissStrawberry Mon 14-Oct-13 18:00:14

OP, they are clearly coming for the chef BF. You being pregnant is an inconvenience.

JenaiMorris Mon 14-Oct-13 17:53:37

My guess is that knowing OP's family are coming, the ILs are feeling left out - or at least OP's husband can't see the difference between her family coming to help and his family being hosted.

Beastofburden Mon 14-Oct-13 17:03:17

Well, book into a nice restaurant and tell them they are paying, and if you have to cancel on the day you are sure they will understand why....

LatteLady Mon 14-Oct-13 16:04:45

Err, well just on the practicalities how on earth are you meant to heft the bird in and out of the oven?

grimbletart Mon 14-Oct-13 15:54:59

I am just visualising the size of your 40-week abdomen, the weight of a turkey big enough to feed 16 and you trying to lift it out the oven......

What knobs.

Some people have no conception of empathy.

sparkle12mar08 Mon 14-Oct-13 14:32:15

Hell to the fucking NO! That would not be happening in my lifetime, I tell you! In all seriousness you need to sit down and have another chat with your dh - you have to hammer home very clearly just how ludicrous an idea this is. You have to make him, and them, understand.

jegandmany Mon 14-Oct-13 14:16:39

You know who I am! Of course that can't happen! I wonder whether dad sister and boyfriend need to be uninvited though? Seems fairer to me. Cd easily do Xmas dinner at dad's house? Then you cd either stay at home or even pop round for xmas dinner. DH m's forgotten the newborn stage completely hasn't he. You could then have everyone round for an hour only for mince pies later on if you want the whole hoard together. But you'd need to get dad tee'd up to chuck everyone out promptly.
If you need to outsource your assertiveness I am at your service. I have many years experience wink .

BoffinMum Mon 14-Oct-13 07:49:03

There's definitely a case for some twinges here, even while you announcing that 16 people is not an option.

(Hope the OP hasn't gone into labour early at the thought of all this!)

ZillionChocolate Mon 14-Oct-13 07:10:45


I'd imagine having that many people in your house is probably quite hard work, even if someone else is shopping/cleaning/clearing up.

GaryBuseysTeeth Mon 14-Oct-13 06:57:04

If it was just his parents and you said no, I woukd say yabu as you're having your family around. 16 hiwevee YANBU.

I had ds1 a few days before christmas, pil, sil&bil were down on Christmas Day & they cooked. I had a rubbish birth and could barely remember my name let alone how to cook a turkey.

pumpkinsweetie Mon 14-Oct-13 06:43:19

Yanbu, don't do it!! I did similar but with 4 extra guests with a 4 month old, was a disaster & i was left with all the washing upconfused

MummyPig24 Mon 14-Oct-13 06:14:11

No way, you are definitely not bu!

I will be 30 weeks pregnant at Christmas, we don't host Christmas, instead we spend the day travelling and visiting. I'm refusing to do that this year. We aren't hosting anything, just having an open house drop in from 4 pm, after we have enjoyed a family Christmas, just the 4 of us.

Seriously, do whatever is easiest for you and your family, don't be pressured!

MistressDeeCee Mon 14-Oct-13 01:11:19

shock 16 guests? & you, OP will be 40 weeks pregnant - or at least, have a newborn by then? Your DH is horrified that you said no? Ive glanced through the thread and am wondering..surely this isnt also a case of being expected to do the cooking & preparation too? Well..I hope someone has a word in his ear before then..I dont know how this can even be under consideration

HorryIsUpduffed Mon 14-Oct-13 00:09:08

I'm 37w now and not hosting Christmas dinner nor indeed any houseguests.

YADBNU to get everyone else to wait on you!

ems1910 Mon 14-Oct-13 00:04:10

YANBU but I think this thread has already confirmed that!

As for the people asking why it is okay to have her family there but not his, really? Her dad, sister and her sister's boyfriend are nothing compared to 10 people from his side. It isn't a case of her family coming first, it is a case of OP coming first and being comfortable with her small family there. I would be comfortable with my mum but not MIL being around if I went into labour/was very early stages of feeding/bleeding etc. Surely this is normal?

Have you discussed this further with your H OP? I suggest you lock the doors this year, nobody in and nobody out (except you if you need to go give birth!.

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