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to like a birthday with no fuss?

(28 Posts)
maybe3x Sun 13-Oct-13 11:03:05

I need to know if I'm being a miserable cow or not re my birthdays. I don't like a fuss but do love it when friends/family pop round with a card or gift and for a chat, chilled day, nice bit of lunch etc, lovely cards from the kids, maybe a meal out. I don't however like a big organised thing where everyone is invited to come at the same time for food, birthday cake singing happy birthday etc. I just don't like all that attention, much prefer the company of a couple of people at a time and no fuss!!

I ask because close friend is completely the opposite, birthdays should be all about big fuss etc etc and there is pursing of lips when EVERY year I am not 'doing something' for my birthday, nor do I want a cake in a restaurant with everyone singing if I go out for a birthday meal. She even questioned whether it's because my mum didn't make a big deal of birthdays when I was young (she did but in a way she knew I liked, favourite meal, nice cake at home, most favourite auntie coming to visit) and I found that quite insulting. sad

So am I being miserable to like my birthdays the way I like them?? I feel quite tense every year when the same questions come up and feel like I'm being told there's something wrong with me not wanting a big fuss, it's like a constant niggle and spoils it all a bit really. Not a huge problem in the scheme of things I suppose but it gets me down.

So am I miserable or at nearly 40 can I suit myself?

Purplefrogshoe Sun 13-Oct-13 11:07:13

YANBU i feel exactly the same, my family drive me mad every year and my DH still doesnt get it. I long for a birthday where i can do what i would like.

FortyDoorsToNowhere Sun 13-Oct-13 11:10:35

Yanbu, I don't fuss either.

MrsDavidBowie Sun 13-Oct-13 11:10:58

I'm the same.
Loathe a big fuss.
My 30th, 40th and 50th passed uneventfully.... went out for dinner or something, but I would hate a big party.

marykat2004 Sun 13-Oct-13 11:12:44

Nothing wrong with that at all

BrokenSunglasses Sun 13-Oct-13 11:13:36

YANBU. I like to just have a meal out with family, but my closest friend is almost insulted that I don't make a big deal of my birthday because she always goes to town and has a big celebration. She doesn't have children though, and I find organising things for my children's birthdays is more than enough. I wouldn't mind a big celebration if I didn't have to organise and coordinate it, but having to organise is what puts me off.

Bunbaker Sun 13-Oct-13 11:14:25

All I want is for people to acknowledge that it is my birthday without a big fuss. I don't like big parties and public displays. I just want my family and close friends to say happy birthday and have a meal cooked for me or go out for a meal, but that's it.

So YANBU at all.

SunshineMMum Sun 13-Oct-13 11:19:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatieScarlett2833 Sun 13-Oct-13 11:20:11

My family are well trained re my birthday.
I loathe fuss and attention. My day is spent thus;
Everyone carries on their day as normal.
DSIL pops round in the morning with my birthday survival kit. This consists of new Jammie's, smellies for a bath, chocolate and a candle.
Family and friends pop in for 5 mins max to deliver good wishes.
I put on new Jammie's after nice bath, light candle and eat chocolate.
When DH and DC return home we order a takeaway of our choice.
I retire to bed with a book.

Tortoisegirl Sun 13-Oct-13 11:21:15

I'm the same! There is only me, my mum and my DD and every year I get the "Are you having a party, what have you been given etc".
Well as my DD is young and my DM quite old I will be buying my own present again (which I don't mind actually!) and having a lovely meal out.
Really wish people would cut the look of pity. I once was even told what a pity I didn't have an OH who could buy me the big, statement present and make a fuss of me. I like my birthdays, I just don't like other peoples reactions to them!

MrsDavidBowie Sun 13-Oct-13 11:28:24

I do like an appropriate card.
I am renowned for sourcing cards for people, and appreciate cards which have relevance rather than one just bought randomly.

I hate surprise presents too ....dh has learned his lesson there. I generally go and buy what I want and give him the receipts. He occasionally will produce a "thoughtful" present...something I have mentioned over the year, or maybe tickets for a show.

Squitten Sun 13-Oct-13 11:31:18

I don't understand all the fuss over birthdays either. Usually DH will get me a few gifts from himself and the kids and we will go out for a nice dinner somewhere - we hardly ever go out ourselves so that's more of a treat than a big party!

I turned 30 this year so I did organise a girls day out for that - we went to a crochet class and had some drinks afterwards. The next big birthday will be DH's 40th in a few years time. His birthday falls over Xmas time so we're hoping me might plan a holiday for Xmas that year.

HerbertGistcool Sun 13-Oct-13 11:33:29

Sounds like you are an introvert and your friend is an extrovert. I also much prefer one or two friends at a time rather than everyone at once and being the centre of attention is my idea of a nightmare.

FeckOffCupofBatBlood Sun 13-Oct-13 11:35:49

YANBU I don't like fuss either and having a restaurant full of people singing to me and bringing me cake would be awful. I prefer things the way they were this year, DH got me a small, thoughtful present each from him and DD and then went off to work leaving me and DD to get on with a normal day.

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 13-Oct-13 11:45:05


That is how I like my birthday to be and always have. A couple of presents and a nice meal is all I want.

FunkyBoldRibena Sun 13-Oct-13 11:46:42

Introduce her to the concepts of 'introvert' and 'extrovert'. You are the former, she is the latter and if she can't shut up and let you enjoy things your way then by all means, flounce out now.

I am with you - I HATE the fuss of birthdays. Just leave me several bars of quality chocolate on my desk for a pressie and feck off.

dawntigga Sun 13-Oct-13 12:26:26

YANBU, neither do I - I do wonder if I don't like fuss because I was made to feel guilty for wanting fuss because it's so close to Xmas though. That is a whole other thread wink


SunshineMMum Sun 13-Oct-13 13:47:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatieScarlett2833 Sun 13-Oct-13 14:02:19

It has turned a day of dread into a day I look forward to.
DSIL is the best, she shops all year for the perfect ingredients for my survival kit. I love her v much smile

SunshineMMum Sun 13-Oct-13 14:39:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatieScarlett2833 Sun 13-Oct-13 15:02:39

I'm January too grin

maybe3x Sun 13-Oct-13 16:44:28

Thanks all, good to know it's not just me.

It never actually occurred to me that I was introverted, just "quiet", but after having a good Google and reading about it it really describes me. How did I not realise this before, I feel quite liberated knowing this!

Katie that sounds wonderful grin

quietbatperson Sun 13-Oct-13 17:33:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoTananat Sun 13-Oct-13 17:46:14

Katie, your birthday sounds perfect!

comewinewithmoi Sun 13-Oct-13 17:51:39

I'm th same.

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