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To think the school need to support my child

(341 Posts)
mychildisnotnaughty Thu 10-Oct-13 19:02:38

DS turned 4 at the end of July so started in reception as one of the youngest. Hes been struggling and today I was called in because he ran out of the hall in a PE lesson then when the TA tried to get him back in, he had a tantrum. He then had to wear his PE kit the rest of the day as he refused to get changed and he had no top on as he refused to wear his t shirt.

They said he won't line up either and runs off, also had a tantrum when going to lunch. Also keeps trying to run off at the end of the day.

At the moment I feel he is not being supported, they just keep trying to put him in time out but this doesn't work, I said he needs ignoring but they said that isn't possible. To me it's all down to him being a summer born.

They also complained he's been annoying the school rabbit, this really upset me as at home he loves animals.

AIBU to think they need to do more to help than ring me, as he behaves fine at home so I can't do anything.

RooRooTaToot Thu 10-Oct-13 19:21:06

Can you do role play at home, playing school with his toys, or reading a story together about starting school? You could also start a reward chart based on his behaviour in school that day with a little reward at the weekend if he gets five stickers.

ilovesooty Thu 10-Oct-13 19:21:07

I agree with other posters. he school has a duty of care and cannot ignore a child who is behaving in a way that endangers his well being and disrupts everyone else. You'll have to find some other strategies to facilitate engagement and learning.

mychildisnotnaughty Thu 10-Oct-13 19:23:08

I can't afford childminder, childcare is paid through my grant I get for being mature student and they won't pay for him while he can be at school.

ShadeofViolet Thu 10-Oct-13 19:24:57

Have you spoken to your DS about needing to line up?

If the school ignored him as you suggest, most parents would then complain that the school was not giving the child adequate attention. They cant win.

Also, they need to teach the other children that that behaviour is not acceptable, before they all start to do it 'because Jimmy does'

MrsWembley Thu 10-Oct-13 19:25:10

Tbf, it's not the school's fault if your child isn't ready and you can't say it's because he's summer born as they would be used to that and prepared to be more lenient. Teachers also have more than your child to worry about and spending more time with your DS because he's not doing as he's asked means less time with the child who sits quietly in the corner, not playing or making friends with anyone.

My DD is a June baby and behaves beautifully at school (better than she does at homehmm), partly because she loves learning but partly because her nursery prepared her for the routine.

Maybe take him out til Easter and in the meantime get him used to behaving for other people. You can't be with him all the time and he needs to know what is expected of him when you're not around.

Shellywelly1973 Thu 10-Oct-13 19:25:42

I feel a bit sorry for the op.

Yes she needs to realise school can't ignore behaviour that carries risk ie running off etc.

Realistically, what can a parent do if their child isn't behaving in school?

I've got a child with complex SN but it was easier to deal with that situation then my youngest ds behaviour.I have done eeverything asked of me. I supported school decisions I didn't agree with but ds behaviour hasn't improved- if anything its deteriorated.

TigOldBitties Thu 10-Oct-13 19:26:15

Don't leave college, that a ridiculous suggestion.

If he behaved at preschool he can behave at actual school.

He's a 4 year old, maybe he has sn, but regardless, I doubt his behaviour is unmanageable. The school probably want you to do work with him at home.

Tell him to leave the rabbit at home, sort out some way of influencing his behaviour at school like a reward chart and work with the school. Find out what they suggest you do. Speak to the preschool for useful tips. Ignoring him is not a suitable option

ICameOnTheJitney Thu 10-Oct-13 19:27:13

How is his language and communication OP? does he play well with other kids when he's in a comfortable situation?

nkf Thu 10-Oct-13 19:28:07

This idea that they are fine at home therefore there it's a school problem doesn't really hold up. School is different and they have to learn different rules. I agree with the role play. I had a very young boy and we used to play (endless it seemed at the time) games with stuffed toys. Lining up, sitting on the mat, listening while he (as the teacher) talked. I would make one of the toys "naughty" to see what would happen. One poor bear was permanently excluded. Anyway, it was long winded and rather silly now I see it typed out, but somehow by articulating the rules himself, he seemed to get the hang of them. Hope you find a solution.

YoureBeingADick Thu 10-Oct-13 19:29:44

Well then you need to be doing as other suggest and getting him used to behaving for others, following rules, role play etc. you really cannot just ignore this.

Spirulina Thu 10-Oct-13 19:30:12

Assume ore school wasn't full time? School is.... There's the difference and that is probably your answer

brambleandapple Thu 10-Oct-13 19:30:13

What support have the school put in place? How has this been reviewed? It is the school's job to support your child. They have to spend an additional 6k and demonstrate this before they can apply for High Needs Funding. 6k equates to 12-16 hours 1to 1 support. So this could mean a TA supports him specifically at lining up times and with dressing. There are many strategies they could use, such as a timer with dressing, or even having him come separately into sessions without lining up, joining the line gradually at the back with a TA as he progressed.

Spirulina Thu 10-Oct-13 19:30:24


YoureBeingADick Thu 10-Oct-13 19:30:59

Also- when was his hearing last tested?

martinedwards Thu 10-Oct-13 19:31:06

Clearly it's all the education system's fault for having kids born in the summer in school.


lots of good advice posted already about YOU preparing the child for school.

ignore him you say, OK, lets be the teacher.

one child has thrown off his shirt and run out of class, so we'll ignore him.

what do the other 29 kids do when they see that it's perfectly acceptable to throw off thier shirts and run out of the room?


brambleandapple Thu 10-Oct-13 19:33:57

Clearly it's all the education system's fault for having kids born in the summer in school

Short answer is YES. Children develop at different rates for all sorts of reasons. There are established processes, in place, within the system, which the school can utilise to deal with this.

Ilovemyrabbits Thu 10-Oct-13 19:34:49

Putting the blame on the school is not the solution. Schools are generally used to dealing with young children. They understand that they need time to settle. If your child isn't coping, they will work with you to sort out as much as they can, but you have to accept, they can't ignore his behaviour. They have to do what's best for the school and the other children attending. I understand you're having a bad time of this, but take ownership of the problem and stop blaming the school completely. See what you can do to sort this proactively. The school will have experience and tips they can share and you would be wise to take on any advice you can. I hope it works out well for you both.

brambleandapple Thu 10-Oct-13 19:38:18


Read this thread. Then tell me you feel the same.

Thing is children receive actual Statements of SEN and funding, with support tailored especially for them and schools do not adhere to them

So in this situation how can we expect children to receive the right support? The money is there, the advice is there, the staffing is there but not utilised for the children it is meant for. If they progress from needing the support and it can be tailed off this is not communicated either, so there are less funds available to those that do need it. Mess the whole lot of it!

brambleandapple Thu 10-Oct-13 19:39:29

People seem to prefer to blame the parents or worse of all the children....

Floggingmolly Thu 10-Oct-13 19:45:09

They can't ignore him! It is not down to him being summer born either...
Did he behave like this at nursery?

frogspoon Thu 10-Oct-13 19:59:38

Sorry you're in a difficult position OP, but so is the school. Even if he is young for the year, unless he has a SN, having tantrums and refusing to follow instructions cannot be tolerated. The school cannot ignore his behaviour, because otherwise other children will see that he "gets away with it" and will start acting up too.

They are doing the best thing by ringing you to discuss his behaviour. You need to come up with better strategies and work with the school, not against them, in order to help your child.

brambleandapple Thu 10-Oct-13 20:16:55

You need to come up with better strategies and work with the school, not against them, in order to help your child.

The school needs to come up with better strategies. The OP is a mother not a teacher, she has advised to the best of her ability.

Fairenuff Thu 10-Oct-13 20:18:39

There are lots of things you can do to support your child and work with the school

1) Get him checked medically, especially his hearing

2) Make sure he has a routine at home, dinner, bath, bedtime story, etc.

3) Make sure he is getting enough good quality sleep

4) Make sure he has a good diet. Cut any junk food/sweets out of his daily diet and reserve them for just one day a week

5) Give him some simple responsibilities at home and make sure he does them, such as tidying up after himself, etc.

6) Be consistent with rules and stick to routines so that he understands they are not there to be broken

7) Give him lots of praise for his efforts. If hitting is a problem a school, make sure you don't hit him at home.

8) Tell him that you expect him to follow rules at school

9) Start a stamp chart for him to earn rewards

10) Tell him that if his teacher says he has not followed the rules, he will have a consequence at home (take away favourite toy, etc.)

11) Follow through.

brambleandapple Thu 10-Oct-13 20:30:42


Fairenuff Who says the OP has not done all that? or is doing all that already? Sounds very much like blame shifting to me...

The OP is managing her child's behaviour at home. The school needs to manage his behaviour.

ThisIsMeToo Thu 10-Oct-13 20:38:54

YY bramble

And why on earth should the child being punished twice? (Your No 10)
And how do you know she isn't doing all that already? She never said she has some issue with behaviour at home did she?

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