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to think this woman is trying to screw me?

(66 Posts)
RevoltingPeasant Thu 10-Oct-13 18:35:43

Okay, so on the weekend I very stupidly reversed into someone's car in a parking lot. The bumper, or just above, was cracked. It was my fault, I felt dreadful as I would have been gutted if it had been my car. I left an apologetic message with my full name and phone number.

Two days passed and I heard nothing. Then I had a text to ask for my full name (?) and registration. I immediately rang back and chatted to the woman. At first, she was rather stiff ('I fail to understand how you hit me...').

Understandable, that. I apologised, signified I was happy to pay damages, but would also understand if she wanted to go through insurance. She would take the car to the garage and see what they said.

Two days after this, nothing. Tonight I texted as nicely as possible, and asked if she had heard, reiterating I was happy to try and make amends.

Her reply: 'My mechanic is concerned due to the age of the car and the fact that the whole back wing has to be replaced that the car is a write off'.

Me: 'Really?! It did not look that bad, but then I am no mechanic. I take it you'd prefer to go the insurance route.'

Her: 'I will decide overnight as I will be out of pocket. I have to decide whether to let u get away with hitting me. I may ask to see the camera footage from XXX car park.'

Now, I felt terrible at first and would happily have paid any halfway reasonable repair bill. I said so several times. But I feel like she is upping the ante and kind of.... playing with me.

For some reason that text has really fucked me off and I am minded to go straight to the insurers myself and accept losing my no claims bonus. AIBU?

YouTheCat Thu 10-Oct-13 18:37:20

Don't engage with her at all and go through insurance. That way she can't fleece you.

hobnobsaremyfave Thu 10-Oct-13 18:38:09

Tell her you will only deal with them via insurance and let them deal with it.

Binkyridesagain Thu 10-Oct-13 18:38:17

Go through the insurance.

Spirulina Thu 10-Oct-13 18:39:45

go through your insurance,but she might be right...

holidaysarenice Thu 10-Oct-13 18:40:27

Let her go through the insurance. Also as this is private property, she may find it more difficult than you think.

RevoltingPeasant Thu 10-Oct-13 18:40:59

Thanks. Will be prepared to accept if IABU, but for some reason that text has given me the fucking RAGE. I made a mistake, we all do, I tried decently to make amends, and the whole 'I'll decide overnight... I may let you get away with this...'

I haven't fucking asked to get away with anything.

Should I make it clear to her I will now only go through insurance so she doesn't keep texting me?

hobnobsaremyfave Thu 10-Oct-13 18:41:43


RevoltingPeasant Thu 10-Oct-13 18:42:21

Spirulina - you mean about the damage? Yeah, she might! That is why I didn't contradict her. Although I doubt it, as we did photograph the damage and unless there was some massive damage underneath, it did look like a cracked bumper.

It was just the tone.....grr.

NotYoMomma Thu 10-Oct-13 18:47:55

could it be a text miscommunication issue

ive got images of her looking at her obviously old car and thinking it isnt worth it so she may let you off with it - ie not do anything at all

but it coming across all arseholeryish iyswim?

solveproblem Thu 10-Oct-13 18:48:49

How old was the car?

Bellts Thu 10-Oct-13 18:48:51

I think she's trying it on. she sounds like someone who will end up telling the insurance company that she was in the car (just for the money). did you take any pics? was there any cctv nearby? hope she won't con you

Renniehorta Thu 10-Oct-13 18:50:26

In future if I have any incident at all involving my car touching another car I am going to take photos of the whole area involved of my car and the other.

It is too late for you as it was for me recently. There was no damage to my car or the other when my car touched another in a car park. The other driver had a shouting match with me and then reported me to the police for leaving the scene of an accident.

You cannot trust anyone in these events. There are so many ways to screw you over. So to you and everyone photos, photos, photos!

The police investigated and dismissed the whole claim by the way.

cakehappy Thu 10-Oct-13 18:53:49

What a cow! I'd feel the rage as well! You can get your own back by sending a message to her, very cold but polite text saying she must only communicate through your insurance company from now on. She won't be expecting it, but even though you lose your no claim insurance it'll be worth it!

cakehappy Thu 10-Oct-13 18:54:47

Sorry, not finished. As it sounds like she is going to try to take you to the cleaners anyways!

MsWilliamTheBloody Thu 10-Oct-13 18:55:19

People are wanky over their cars, aren't they?

They're design to crumple on impact. It's so the peeps in them don't die.


Accidents happen. Get over it!! Her, not you. ( <blows kiss> ).

OP, I wouldn't engage any further. I'd go through insurance. She sounds like a really awkward person to deal with.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius Thu 10-Oct-13 18:58:24

I agree - let the insurers deal with it. I have, in the past, owned up when I have bumped someone's car, and in both cases the other person seemed to appreciate that I had been honest, and we settled things amicably. It is a shame that it wasn't that way for you, OP.

wickedwitchNE Thu 10-Oct-13 19:07:17

This exact same thing happened to us - barely a dent in the woman's door and she was insisting there was a lot of work needed, including to damage underneath apparently. She was even asking for money for being without her car for a week when she had kids to ferry around.

Told DP to refer her to his insurance and then ask her to stop contacting him (she kept pestering him even when he handed it over to them). In the end she didn't even make a claim!

FreeWee Thu 10-Oct-13 19:11:44

What does she expect the cameras in the car park to show her? Someone else hitting her old banger?? Seriously, you've owned up. What is she trying to achieve with all this pissing about? She's got a name, access to their insurance details so what's she playing at? Either you pay her mechanic to fix it privately at a cost agreed by you both or you go through insurance. What's this nonsense about letting you get away with hitting her. If her car is a write off I appreciate you don't always get the full value from the insurer but surely that's more incentive for her to go privately with you at an agreed cost? YANBU to have the rage with this tit.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood Thu 10-Oct-13 19:23:06

I should let it go through the insurance.

But a word of warning. You must report it quickly or you might get grief from your own insurance company as they will want to take the lead on repairs etc.

I'd tell her tonight that unless you and she come to a firm agreement by the morning as to the damages then you will be forwarding the matter to your insurance company by midday. Then do so. The longer you leave it before getting them involved the more complicated it becomes.

You've paid your premiums. Let someone else deal with it.
You might not even lose all your no claims if it is protected.

RevoltingPeasant Thu 10-Oct-13 19:29:13

Thanks everyone. I have been driving since I was 17 (started overseas) and am 34 - never had so much as an off glance from a parking warden before this. A first I felt so bad, because I thought, what if she is really badly off and this car is everything to her.... But I offered to do everything I could, and I said repeatedly "it's your choice to go thru insurance, of course" so she didn't feel like I was trying to game her.

notyomamma thanks. That is a much nicer way of looking at it. I am going to hold onto that and discuss it with DH when he gets back.

I accept the damage may be worse than it looks but then her insurance will pay for it.....

Car was fairly old - either T or W reg (can't remember which it started with) and had other dents, one of which was quite large and visibly rusted, suggesting it had happened some time ago.

starfishmummy Thu 10-Oct-13 19:30:28

Go through your insurance.

RevoltingPeasant Thu 10-Oct-13 19:31:23

Lady, do you think I have left it too long if it happened on Sun and it's now Thurs? Bit worried about that.

My NCB is not protected but I think (!!!) I can afford a rise in premiums as mine were quite high till recently due to haing lived outside the UK for a long time.

MsWilliamTheBloody Thu 10-Oct-13 19:32:01

what if she is really badly off and this car is everything to her

Then she'd have sorted it out really quickly and not dithered for days.

Don't feel bad.

Viviennemary Thu 10-Oct-13 19:38:27

That's the thanks you get for being honest. She sounds a bit of a sharp one to me. I'd go through insurance and have no more dealings with her. By the sounds of her she is not to be trusted an inch.

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