DS the 5yr old teen....(31 Posts)
Picked up DS from school. I note that he now tends to socialise with the older children, maybe 9-10yr olds. He's normally got a great sense of humour, very dry, and I think he finds their
sarcastic conversation a little more on his wavelength.
So, he's becoming a little more bolshie and outspoken (picture Clarkson in pint size) with his older peer group, and I've not really corrected him too much along the way, not wanting to stop his natural character coming out, but reprimanding for any bad behaviour or rudeness.
I'll get to the point: Today he comes home, in particularly "good form" leaves his clothes strewn across the landing en route to the bath. "DS, pick up your things and put them with the laundry please." Leaves a torrent of water all over the floor in his bathroom "DS, what have you been doing in here??" Has his milk and cookies at the table, I wander off to answer the phone, return and he's gone, spilt milk everywhere, and there are a trail of broken cookies and crumbs (being rapidly snaffled by the dog) to the sofa where he is lounging, surrounded by crumbs having flicked the tv on. "DS!!! What the?!!....." He interjects, puts his hand up casually in a "stop" motion: "Mummy. Must you always twist my melons??" Oh fucking really.
Have hauled his smart ass to his room and he's gone to bed half an hour early. That was the right thing to do, yes? And what do I do about nipping this "teen" behaviour coming from a 5.3yr old boy in the bud??!
If you're happy, he's happy and the teachers are happy there's no need to worry about these friendships... As part of a mix. Quite often boys and girls of 9/10 are nearer in interests to 5 / 6 year olds But next year or the year after things change and your DS may find himself left behind. If he's been encouraged to think that his older friends are better rather than just different to his younger ones he's going to have a hard time coming to terms with it all when they eventually move on. If he's lucky it will be gradual but if he's not it could be a sudden and confusing dropping.
I've some experience as DD 1 was in a multiage class at a village school. At 6 and a half her best friend was 10 and the rest 9 rising 10. This was in class so hard to do anything about but we sent her to brownies, and out of school clubs with her peers to ensure she understood different does not mean one group is better and she had enough mates of her age to cope with her emotions when the spilt eventually came. She had learned that You can have friends with different backgrounds, ages hobbies and beliefs... There is no better group they're all friends and you need to spend time, invest energy and find the things you do share in common.
I suspect its flattering for him and for you too to see your boy so popular with these cool funny lads. However unless he's uber smart and is going to be moved up year groups he's going to be spending the next 12 to 13 years of his life with the boys and girls he says are boring. That's a long time on the margins. Better he learn to use his amazing personality, smartness and emotional intelligence to be a leader among his peer group than spend his formative years as a follower trying to impress the cool kids.
Oh and don't worry about the melons... DD1's was 'talk to the hand cos the face ain't listening' ... We bought her a tshirt with it on and started using it when she was being whiney. Once the 'rents started saying it ad nauseam it lost its coolness. All part of growing up.
Problem is when they lose interest in him will he have no friends his own age, and they will lose interest. I'd ask teacher to encourage playing with his peers. I'd also not encourage his rudeness , cute at a push at 5, not for long
can't help but had to at him channeling Shaun Rider at five.
The only issue I can see is one arising in the next couple of years when they move up to senior school.
If he alienates his own classmates, who are forming firm friendships in year 1, he may well find it very difficult to fit back in especially if he has subconsciously picked up their attitude.
I know hundreds of teenagers (I teach them) and now and again I come across the annoying 'too cool, yeh, yeh, yeh, stop nagging me' type. Thankfully they are rare.
They tend to be precocious little s**ts who swagger around thinking that they can do what the hell they like dismissing anything they don't like as 'rubbish'.
You need to teach your little boy some manners and to lose the attitude. Sounds like he's playing to his audience. His 'friends' may be older but that doesn't mean to say that they are well mannered, funny or mature.
"And here we see..." that's hilarious!
There is no reason he should be limited to socialising within his own age group and it'll probably be good for him in some ways to be among older children. I would maybe go in and speak to the head about how DS is probably learning a lot of good things from these children but that it might be a good idea to speak to them about responsible attitudes towards younger children. Great idea to have them over. You might find DS is putting on a 'grown up' attitude with no help from these others; mine regularly go through phases of 'trying it on' in this way. DD tells me sometimes she's going to go and lie on her bed writing in her secret diary "because that's what teenagers do". Then she does a little arrogant-looking pose for me. She's six!!
also the phrase 'your twisting my melon man'comes from an old happy Mondays song and melon refers to the head.
and for the record we have been calling our nine year old son kevin the teenager for years.
might have something to do with my name but I have maximum respect for your amazing ds.
I presumed he was a novel tag along to them, who it was amusing to have as the group side kick, but it appears not, he seems to have genuinely integrated into this group. He took his transformers in last week, and they all sat at lunch working out a particularly tricky model as a group. Which was lovely to hear as feedback from the teacher at the end of the day. If he's more suited to these boys and they are really becoming his friends, I don't want to trample the friendships. But, I can't have him strolling around the house like The Fonz, and he's certainly picking up these mannerisms from them. I think inviting them over might a fab idea.
Ahem.. <<adopts Attenborough tone>>
"And hear we see the juveniles in their natural habitat, observe how DC1 arranges the Lego people into compromising positions. The other DC in the pack laugh in confirmation of their leader's behaviour"
The older boys probably enjoy having a little "mascot" who hero-worships them. Ordinarily, I wouldn't see anything wrong with a 5-year-old playing with older children. But it sounds as though he is copying their language without having the maturity to judge when (or to whom) it is appropriate to say certain things.
In this situation, I would certainly explain very clearly to the child that speaking that way is rude and unacceptable (which it sounds as though the OP did). I might also have a quiet word with the teacher about perhaps encouraging friendships within the class, though that sort of thing doesn't always work.
He might just be repeating things that the older boys have said about his peer group. They have adopted him to their group and are probably looking to distinguish themselves to him. Thisd is however the peer group which your ds will have to spend most time with so it is vital he finds friendly bonds again with them I would go to the party and observe goings on very carefully. If your still not sure invite a small group back to yours and observe there from the comfort of your own pad. You need to check out that he is able to hold his own and it is appropriate. I would definitely talk to the teacher as she/he may well have taught this group and would have a good idea if they are suitable play mates.
If be horrified if a child of mine behaved like that! I'd be encouraging him to play with mates his own age tbh.
He does still have his little friends over, but increasingly he complains once they've gone that he's found them boring, they don't have good ideas, they are not funny. In a very black and white way, he seems to have decided that 5yr olds are babies, despite being one, and older boys are cool.
Should I speak to the school and ask for a little diplomatic separation? I'm wondering if it's a phase that will die out as quickly as it has started and I should just bite my tongue and ride it out. I thought the older boys would have been bored with a 5yr old cramping their style by now, but he's even been invited to a birthday party by one of them.
My ds 8 was encouraged to say fuck by the older kids on the bus. They love him coz he looks blond and cherub like so think its fun to make him do crazy things. I had to get the d Head in to sort it out. My ds was just lapping up all the attention with humour. I'd like teachers to observe the play of this group and check out how appropriate it is. But then it is play time. I've been know to park in my car near school at play time and covertly spy at play time to observe things that I needed clarification on. The mess sounds just like my ds. Hopefully you and your cherub will laugh your melons off about this when he's older.
Well I wouldn't fall out with him over it for a start. Explain why what he did was a problem and that he needs to try to clean up after himself a bit more. If he's trying to act like a grown up and you're squashing him he'll just try harder to 'rebel'. I have told my 8 yr old DS that being cocky and sneezy doesn't make people think you are grown up and in fact makes you look like a silly child. He actually listened (the 20th time)
Seems he developed quite an attitude there. Is this group his regular group of friends. I think you should encourage him to join kids his age. It's ok if he joins these kids here and there, but they are into other things which your 5 year old isn't ready for.
School children, all very naice, but around 9/10yrs old. It's not under my supervision that he plays with them, it's a school time thing. do I tell the teachers to stop him socialising with them? As it's notably since he became friends with this group. Or is that just really mean as he's found a group he really seems to get on with. No idea how to go about this.
Maybe find a group of better behaved older children for him to hang around with? Honestly that's not 'older' behaviour it's just 'bad' behaviour.
maybe start supervising him more? who are these older children?
Hmmm, before I get a tonne of "my teens don't do that " I think I should explain, it's the general "too cool for school attitude" that tends to happen in older children. He's gone from being 5 to 15 overnight. He'll still have his little friends round, but I've noticed he gets bored with them very easily, and longs for the company of older children, who seem to quite like him too. But I'm buggered if I'm going to have Kevin and Perry style behaviour from a 5yr old. At a bit of a loss.
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