The other day DD1 (3) was invited to a birthday party by one on her friends at nursery and I've been a bit bothered and wanted to know if IWBU!
We haven't done any nursery birthday parties before (DD not been there long) so didn't know what to expect! Before the party I took DD to choose a present for her friend. We went to the pound shop and she chose a jigsaw (DD has several of them, they're great value, and a colouring book with crayons) We went to the poundshop for two reasons, partly because I don't have masses of money, but admittedly a good part of it is because I don't believe in spending a lot on pre-schoolers.
I'm honestly not a smug 'my kids get a lump of coal for Christmas and they're grateful for it!' kind of parent! It's just that, at 3, DD can't discern between expensive gifts and cheap so I may as well save some money! I know she'll realise soon enough!
I also got DD to draw a birthday card for her friend rather than buy one. This is because DD asked if she could make one.
After going to the party, I am mortified! All the other parents brought in these massive wrapped boxes! I don't know what was in them but I can only assume they spent a heck of a lot more than mine! And the party bags that were given out at the end had masses of stuff in. Easily £15 worth of things.
A few things are bothering me. Firstly, the birthday boy's mum mentioned in conversation that she works in the pound shop. So she's going to know straight away that I spend precisely £2 on her son 
And the other thing is I'm massively torn. My principles are that small children don't need lots of money spent on them. They have no concept and are usually happy with 'toys' in general, regardless of where they come from.
But on the other hand, I don't want to be known as the tight wad. I'm utterly paranoid about the fact that all the other parents will have spent so much more than me. I feel pressured that I should be getting a grander gift for people's kids, even though it's money I could do with spending on my own family.
We are not poor, in that we can pay the bills. But theirs very little money left for frivolous stuff (about £20 a week left, after bills but before new shoes etc) and to be perfectly honest I'd rather spend it on a trip to the swimming pool with my own kids rather than a present for a kid I've never heard of and has no concept of who's bought them it of what they've spent.
Give it to me straight, am I a tightwad cow? If it was your three year old would you be pissed off at that as a present? Especially if you'd spent circa £25 per child for the party?
AIBU?
Was I being tight? So embarrassed!
InsertBoringName · 10/10/2013 15:14
The mum chose to spend that amount. That does not mean you have to give an equal amount as a present!
To be honest, we just had DS' 2nd birthday and I was embarassed at how much some mums spent on him! Especially as the party bags were cheap and cheerful (although we're not in the UK and the kids weren't used to party bags so somehow we ended up looking really generous 
)
I'd be absolutely mortified to think that someone had felt pressured into spending a certain amount on my child's present that they didn't feel they could really afford.
Your presents sound really lovely OP and were chosen with care. That's what counts. You are absolutely right that the birthday boy or girl won't give 2 hoots as well 
This reminds me of that saying "Those that mind don't matter and those that matter won't mind"
Yanbu, you bought what you could afford and more important the time and effort you and your dd made counts for more.
If the mum chose to spend that much then it doesn't mean you should feel any less.
And if you only have 20 pounds left to spend definitely spend it doing quality activities with your kids. As long as all the kids had fun 
Newsletters you might like
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.