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Me being hormonal or her being cheeky as fuck?

(50 Posts)
Anjou Thu 10-Oct-13 12:34:06

My hormones are all over the shop at the moment so I'm totally prepared to be told I'm being overly touchy, but I do think my friend has been pretty rude about my kids.

My friend and I have known each other for about 15 years. We get on BRILLIANTLY in terms of having an amazing laugh. our friendship was built on going out in London in our early twenties, so it was all quite raucous. We're now in our late 30's and we accept that - particularly as I've now moved away - we're not as physically close or 'there' for each other. We're both fine with this and stay in touch by text, phone and say "we MUST meet up soon!" all the time without making plans to actually do so. Fine.

She's very much still a good time girl while I'm married with 2 DS. She asks about them and occasionally I'll send her photos. Sent her a photo yesterday - the first one in about 4 months probably - and she texted back "they're very Scottish looking!". DH is Scottish, we live in Scotland. Unsure what she meant, I texted "In what way?" Her reply "well, a diplomatic answer would be round faced and jolly?! LOL"

For a start I fucking hate 'LOL' and all that crap, but has she just called my kids fat?!!! They're 2.5 & 8 months old. They're not overly chubby but I'm not even annoyed by her suggesting they are (because they're not). I'm annoyed that she's made what seems to be a disparaging comment rather than a nice one.

I was tempted to text back "actually, that wasn't diplomatic at all" but I've decided to leave it. I've also decided not to send any more photos as she's said many times she won't be having any kids and so probably isn't that interested (although she does ask about them which is why I sent photos in the first place).

AIBU to be upset? Have I got hold of the wrong end of the stick? Prepared to be told to go Grip shopping!

Anjou Thu 10-Oct-13 12:34:31

Christ, that was longer than I planned! Sorry.

FlapJackOLantern Thu 10-Oct-13 12:38:03

So you have well-fed, jolly happy DCs -I think that is great. You are being just a leeeeeetle paranoid, I think.

brightnearly Thu 10-Oct-13 12:40:11

Might she feel a little jealous?

ClangerOnaComeDown Thu 10-Oct-13 12:40:32

Deep breath and a cuppa I think.

I'm sure your friend wasn't deliberately trying to insult you or your children. Maybe a case of foot in mouth disease smile

Justforlaughs Thu 10-Oct-13 12:41:02

Sounds like she didn't actually know what to say about them, said something daft "Scottish looking" and then dug herself into a hole. Just move on. Don't take it personally.

MajorMassSpecsMistriss Thu 10-Oct-13 12:41:08

I think she was tactless and maybe didn't think it through, but I also think you're making more of a deal of it than it needs to be.

DSM Thu 10-Oct-13 12:41:17

I don't, I think that was downright rude.

Who says that?! Even when you see an ugly baby, you tell the parents it's beautiful.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Thu 10-Oct-13 12:41:46

No, I don't think you are being paranoid at all. It's not as if she said - 'Oh aren't they round faced and jolly smile' she said if she was being diplomatic that is what she would say... so yes, she's saying 'they're fat & unattractive kids'.

She sounds like someone it's time you distanced yourself from, for good. 'Good time girls' are fun in your 20's, not so much fun when you grow up and they don't.

WorraLiberty Thu 10-Oct-13 12:42:09

Dear Lord yes you're being very unreasonable.

Babies do have chubby round faces - hence their cuteness.

Beastofburden Thu 10-Oct-13 12:43:05

Sounds as if the gulf between you has grown- she has no idea what to say about kids, any kids, so she says something inane.

But she still feels the need to be a party girl in this friendship so she "has" to say something "witty" and also show that she's not jealous of your family, no, not at all.

Forget it, she isnt being negative directly about your kids, I would say it is a classic foot-in-mouth by someone who hasnt moved on yet and is trying to be funny for no particular reason.

Mim78 Thu 10-Oct-13 12:43:07

I think she has probably been a bit rude, but you could give her the benefit of the doubt on one occasion. Maybe she thinks you have a jokey friendship. As she doesn't have kids she probably doesn't realise that this wasn't very polite.

It's not really entirely clear that she meant fat from her comment. Taken on the face of it there is nothing wrong with being "round faced and jolly" or "Scottish looking".

I would just ignore it this time, and assume she didn't mean badly, but maybe don't send her any more pictures.

WetGrass Thu 10-Oct-13 12:44:28

A bit touchy - sorry.

(and I say that as the mother of a newborn Dd1 who was welcomed into the family with 'Awww - look - she has that big pointy chin - just like her mum!')

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Thu 10-Oct-13 12:45:34

Its the fact she mentioned diplomatic which makes it tactless.

If you are good friends I would say something

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Thu 10-Oct-13 12:48:05

And maybe make definite plans to meet up..then you will know if friendship is worth hanging on to

tedmundo Thu 10-Oct-13 12:50:18

Ahh you don't know, maybe she is actually jealous? You say she has not got children. Maybe that is not by choice.

My first born got a load of abuse because he looked the spit of Simon Pegg. Possibly outing myself there!

MinionDave Thu 10-Oct-13 12:54:38

I'd be offended by 'Scottish looking' actually. Is she saying we are all fat?

She sounds like a twat

thebody Thu 10-Oct-13 12:54:44

well she was a bit of a tit but she hadn't got kids herself so doesn't understand the danger she is in. grin

you are in different places. personally I would text her back ' you cheeky bitch' and leave as a joke.

itsn0tmeitsyou Thu 10-Oct-13 12:55:27

Text back something 'jokey' like 'Oi are you calling my kids fat?' (don't forget the obligatory smiley) then she'll firstly have to call them gorgeous, which we all need to hear, and secondly she probably will be more complimentary next time. Bit early for calling time on an otherwise good friendship... how many of us really knew what to say to/about children before we had our own??

Milkjug Thu 10-Oct-13 12:56:56

She was rude, and clearly has no idea what to say about your children, preferring her 'witty' response to saying something banal but nice about how cute they are. Meet up with her and decide if the friendship is worth hanging on to or not. She sounds a bit of an idiot to me.

For what it's worth, I would have been equally baffled by her original comment about the children being 'Scottish looking'. I am not diplomatic, and would probably have responded to her 'clarification' with something extremely straightforward.

sebsmummy1 Thu 10-Oct-13 12:57:38

I don't think you are being paranoid or overly sensitive. What I do think is your friend does not understand the 'kid thing' and the unwritten rule that you don't imply close friends children are anything less than gorgeous and clever.

I think this certainly does highlight the differences between you both now lifestyle wise and it's up to you how you proceed. You can roll your eyes to the sky, think gee thanks and decide to keep the kid talk away from her. Or take it really personally, decide to focus on better suited friends who are in a similar stage of life to you right now and let the friendship wane.

Personally? If she is on the whole a good friend and you have shared some lovely memories in the past I would forgive her her indiscretion and file it. But if she offends you again then I think you might not be able to move past it, particularly if it's about your family.

LazyGaga Thu 10-Oct-13 12:57:48

I think I'd be unable to stop myself replying "Diplomatic?!! Wtf are you on about! They're bloody gorgeous." and leave it at that.

NotintheMiddle Thu 10-Oct-13 12:59:14

Too touchy - I would think she meant like

Even round faced and jolly isn't a critcism. As for Scottish looking being a criticism hmm

BabsAndTheRu Thu 10-Oct-13 12:59:58

I'm with Miniondave on this, what she trying to say about us scots cheeky mare.

thebody Thu 10-Oct-13 13:00:46

yes what does looking Scottish mean? were they in kilts? grin really don't get that.

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