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To want to punch my MIL in her interfering face?

(140 Posts)
crimsonwitch Thu 10-Oct-13 01:22:59

I have never quite seen eye to eye with the MIL, but tolerate her passive aggressive superiority because my DC love her and her them. My DP asked her to babysit Ds2 (5 months) for a few hours today while DD (10) and Ds1 (5) were at school, so we could go out for lunch together. It was the first time we have been out alone since he was born, and I was very grateful to MIL for agreeing to have him. Ds2 is ebf and has never had formula, so I expressed enough milk for her to feed him while we were gone. After a lovely lunch with Dp we went to MIL to pick up Ds and he was fast asleep (he should have been hungry by this point). MIL looking very pleased with herself said "The milk you brought looked funny so I threw it out, but Its ok, I brought some formula from asda the other day just incase, and look at the good its done him!" hmm MIL has been anti breastfeeding from the start always dropping totally unreasonable helpful hints on how ff would help Ds sleep better and would give me a break, ff is more socially acceptable, Dp won't bond properly, he is too big to still be breastfeeding hmm etc etc etc.... DP is very supportive of breastfeeding, but he and his whole family won't stand up to his mother no matter how wrong she is. Poor Ds has been sick a few times and is very uncomfortable now. I am in no way against ff by the way, just the way my MIL likes to control things all the fucking time with my dc. I could write a whole novel on her behaviour over the years. angry

BananasInNegligees Thu 17-Oct-13 16:18:31

Well done OP.
She sounds like a nightmare. Hope your LO is better after the poo smile

I had similar with my own MIL.
DH actually distanced himself years ago but I kept up the visits and the calls because I thought the kids should know her.
I got the same attitude towards BF too.

Anyhow, we have had no contact in over a year and it feels like a weight off.
I realised nothing could change her toxic ways and my own family unit didn't need that kind of negativity.

MintyChops Thu 17-Oct-13 16:07:16

Well done on dealing with her. Stand by for her having some sort of health crisis brought on by your "unreasonable" "attack" on her. Heart attack/fainting fit perhaps? This seems to be the next step for these toxic relatives....

EldritchCleavage Thu 17-Oct-13 15:30:52

It is potentially seriously deficient if not, Fabulous.

TheFabulousIdiot Thu 17-Oct-13 15:20:00

I wonder if Katy's book about MILs contains the advice 'punch her in the face'?

Thesouthernwindisblowing Thu 17-Oct-13 15:12:49

I thought you were ott in your title but on reading your first post Yanbu. I would have gone apeshit.

EldritchCleavage Thu 17-Oct-13 15:12:45

Are you going to post that exact post on every MIL thread, sofur/*Katy*? Because that will keep you busy.

TheFabulousIdiot Thu 17-Oct-13 15:08:41

And the Daily Mail Katy - don't forget the Daily Mail!

sofurcough Thu 17-Oct-13 14:42:42

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

bubalou Sat 12-Oct-13 08:49:42

Well done crimson. I'm glad that it has been said.

I have similar mother in law problems and I literally cannot stand the woman but no one stands up to her, DH used to think it was me but I have stood back and over the past year events have added up and he has learnt on his own who is the really bitch!

My mil likes to give my son things she knows I won't like and then smile at me when she tells me. Grrrr - you keep standing up for yourself. You were in the right and hopefully she will bloody learn her lesson.

Hope baby is ok now wink x

Donkeyok Fri 11-Oct-13 19:16:05

Well done Crimsonwitch I can see you flying smile

HalleLouja Fri 11-Oct-13 12:24:17

Well done your DH. I would be livid if anyone did something completely against my wishes to my children.

cornflakegirl Fri 11-Oct-13 11:57:17

I'm so pleased that DH stood up for you and that you've started to see the relationship with your MIL for what it really is.

It might be worth starting a thread in Relationships to get some advice on how to move forwards - I'm sure it won't be a smooth ride for your or DH. Lots of posters there seem to give really good advice on dealing with toxic parents / in laws.

crimsonwitch Fri 11-Oct-13 08:19:01

Thanx but tbh I dont care about the rest of the family now. Bunch of arse sucking tosspots the lot of them. I didn't want to feel left out, but on reflection, being out of that dysfunctional mess can only be a good thing.

SlangKing Fri 11-Oct-13 04:53:54

This is good news. When I wrote my first post way up the thread I wasn't sure which way your DH would go but he needed to commit and he has,,, so well done to the pair of you. I'm now wondering if your actions will positively affect the other in-laws,, whether MILs efforts to ostracise you will instead lead to mutiny in the rank and file. Wishful thinking perhaps, but ya never can tell.

crimsonwitch Fri 11-Oct-13 03:01:26

Dp did actually amaze me. He has always been on my side in theory but would never say anything to he, preferring to diffuse the situation and make excuses for her. When we went round I told her how upset I was and she started ranting about how much she has done for me nothing and what a bad mother I am, and how im unfit (due to my mh problems which is her favourite weapon of choice). Dp cuts her off and said how dare she criticise me when she is such a terrible mother!! And I am better than her in every way. My face was like this..shock No one has EVER spoke to her this way.

TheTruffleHunter Fri 11-Oct-13 02:50:12

Crimsonwitch, I do not condone violence. However, in this case, I will personally come and hold your coat.

this. but also well done to your DH for manning up to her, I'm sure that was hard for him. Good to know where your boundaries are tho

crimsonwitch Fri 11-Oct-13 02:48:54

I think that never being backed up and her behaviour being downplayed by others in the family pressured me into letting her get away with totally unreasonable things. Writing it down here and having others validate my concerns has really helped me to see clearer. Thank you for your support MNers

Chottie Fri 11-Oct-13 02:44:48

I am a GM and yes, things were done differently in 'my' day. But things move and a GM should support her GC parents and respect their views on child rearing. Your MiL is really out of order. She is fortunate that you speak to her still.

crimsonwitch Fri 11-Oct-13 02:37:00

I am envious of people who have good relationships with their mil, and she is the only older female rolemodel I've had. (could write a brand new thread about my own mother) I have allowed her to continue to treat me this way for a long time <sigh> i feel like such a pathetic mug when i think back to all the incidents. She is definitely not seeing them unsupervised again.

Scarifying Fri 11-Oct-13 01:02:40

I think you were a bit optimistic leaving the kids with her and not expecting her to do anything wrong given her track record. I wouldn't have left my kids with someone who had smacked a child of mine.
She sounds awful.

Easy to be wise in hindsight but at least you now not to leave them with her again.

JoinYourPlayfellows Fri 11-Oct-13 01:00:13

grin @ fat thumbs

It's understandable that if you've been around her since you were a teenager that it's taken you a while to see her clearly for the nasty bully she is.

I'm sure she took full advantage of your youth and inexperience when you had your eldest to make her bossiness seem normal.

crimsonwitch Fri 11-Oct-13 00:54:09

Sorry for any typos, im on my phone and have fat thumbs.

crimsonwitch Fri 11-Oct-13 00:51:57

I agree with what you are saying fellows for too many years its been very much a wood for the trees situation. Since I being 15 this is the only family I've had and I suppose I have allowed myself to be sucked in to the disfunction rather than be isolated and ostricised. Time to stand alone and create our own family now and let her get on with ruining her own.

JoinYourPlayfellows Fri 11-Oct-13 00:33:12

Why do you let your children spend time with this poisonous woman?

It can't be doing them any good to have to listen to her bitch about you when you are not there.

What are they learning?

crimsonwitch Fri 11-Oct-13 00:26:48

Baby is sleeping now and no idea what the fuss is about, but the whole thing has made me wake up. I think I have figured out mil anti bf stance. She never fed her dc and apparently, according to her other dil, thinks that doing it past 4 weeks is disgusting. hmm It is like what a previous poster pointed out, she is trying to be their parent. However, bf is one thing she can't do, so she tried to manipulate me into ff so she could take over there too. I am not in any way anti ff. I feel a child is happy that they get the milk, wherever it is from, as long as they are loved. I am prepared for the backlash from my confrontation with her, but for now all is quiet.

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