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To want to punch my MIL in her interfering face?

(140 Posts)
crimsonwitch Thu 10-Oct-13 01:22:59

I have never quite seen eye to eye with the MIL, but tolerate her passive aggressive superiority because my DC love her and her them. My DP asked her to babysit Ds2 (5 months) for a few hours today while DD (10) and Ds1 (5) were at school, so we could go out for lunch together. It was the first time we have been out alone since he was born, and I was very grateful to MIL for agreeing to have him. Ds2 is ebf and has never had formula, so I expressed enough milk for her to feed him while we were gone. After a lovely lunch with Dp we went to MIL to pick up Ds and he was fast asleep (he should have been hungry by this point). MIL looking very pleased with herself said "The milk you brought looked funny so I threw it out, but Its ok, I brought some formula from asda the other day just incase, and look at the good its done him!" hmm MIL has been anti breastfeeding from the start always dropping totally unreasonable helpful hints on how ff would help Ds sleep better and would give me a break, ff is more socially acceptable, Dp won't bond properly, he is too big to still be breastfeeding hmm etc etc etc.... DP is very supportive of breastfeeding, but he and his whole family won't stand up to his mother no matter how wrong she is. Poor Ds has been sick a few times and is very uncomfortable now. I am in no way against ff by the way, just the way my MIL likes to control things all the fucking time with my dc. I could write a whole novel on her behaviour over the years. angry

quoteunquote Thu 10-Oct-13 01:28:02

What a nasty thing to do, don't leave your children with her again if she can't respect your wishes, sounds like a set up,

Who suggested lunch?

I brought some formula from asda the other day just incase

In case she got a chance to feed it to the baby?

Funny that the chance then came up.

SugarHut Thu 10-Oct-13 01:32:10

If MIL loves your DC then she genuinely wouldn't do something she thought was in their worst interest just to spite you. So she didn't do it with pissing you off as her motivation. She obviously thinks her way is better, and the fact she had already bought the stuff ready in her cupboards shows she never intended to use your bottle. That's the issue. It needs addressing, because she can't just override the way you choose to raise your DC for her own methods. I would just let her know(kill her with kindness through gritted teeth) that she was right to question your bottle looking funny of course you are very happy that she pays so much attention, but next time, if she thinks there's a problem, please just give you a call, as due to her actions, DS has been vomiting quite a bit, and of course neither of you want that. Once she knows she's been a bit underhand and as a result made the child sick, she'll think twice before she steams ahead "her way" again.

Spelt Thu 10-Oct-13 01:36:11

Has the formula made him sick?

foxbasealpha Thu 10-Oct-13 01:37:20

YANBU (to want to do might be if you actually did it...) I would be beyond furious.

nona2706 Thu 10-Oct-13 01:42:47

YANBU to think about doing it though dont actualy do it. Iv the same type of relationship with my mother in law but the past month my partner has come to realise that she is nothing but a poisonous twisted self-centered bitch (that's being polite lol) As a previous poster said just let her know that what she done has made your ds sick. And say it will a smile on your face as it will make her feel 100x worse than what it would if you shouted at her. flowers for you as i know exactly how you feel. I hope you little one recovers soon.

Bogeyface Thu 10-Oct-13 01:48:04

"Hi, its me! What did you give DC today?.....Yes I know it was from Asda but i need the barcode and batch number of the formula as DC has been sick several times and I am really worried. We need that information for the hsopital...."

You dont need to tell her that you are not actually going to hospital. As awful as it sounds, your DS will be ok, but the fact that he has thrown up will (if used correctly) prove that she was completely out of order.

Bogeyface Thu 10-Oct-13 01:48:28

That is, prove to HER that SWBU, you already know that

crimsonwitch Thu 10-Oct-13 01:51:54

Spelt The formula has made him sick, when he woke up he was crying and threw the lot back up, and he is never sick usually.
Sugar It is not the first time this kind of thing has happened. She gave dd baby rice in a bottle at 6 wk because she needed topping up!! angry She just thinks she knows best in everything and quietly criticises, and belittles everything I do. It would be difficult to not allow them to be at her house as I have no family nearby so she is the only available childcare but I've had 12 years of her shit interfering now.

JustinBsMum Thu 10-Oct-13 01:52:55

Awful behavior. I would give her a final warning and tell her you won't accept her underhand ways. If she wants to do things her way then it you wont' be involving her with your DCs.

I think you DCs follow your lead, if everyone is nice to Grandma then she must be nice, it wouldn't occur to them to think that it might be otherwise. But doesn't really mean they love her imo.

But her behaviour is way overstepping the mark, you don't just give babies stuff out of the blue.

5madthings Thu 10-Oct-13 01:53:42

what bogey said. i would have had a shit fit if anyone had done this with any of mine.

5madthings Thu 10-Oct-13 01:55:07

baby rice in a bottle...fucking hell. nive choking hazard there for one.

crimsonwitch Thu 10-Oct-13 01:59:05

Thanks for your replies. I did ring her at about 22:00 and told her that the milk made him sick. Her reply? "Oh the milk was fine, he loved it, guzzled it down and went straight to sleep. It was prob something you ate getting into your milk, disagreeing with him. That happens with breastfeeding." Seriously there is no talking to this woman.
nona Do we have the same MIL? sick, twisted, poisonous bitch describes her perfectly.

Gruntfuttock Thu 10-Oct-13 02:02:37

What absolutely disgusting and completely unacceptable behaviour on the part of your MIL. I can understand why you're so furious - I would be too. How dare she? angry

Bogeyface Thu 10-Oct-13 02:02:51

Then cut her off.

The kids will get over it.
Seriously, do not allow her to do this.

It is nothing to do with feeding methods but everything to do with the fact that she doesnt care who she hurts in her efforts to win. She will sleep tonight despite the fact that she made your baby ill, that is not a good person to be in their lives.

crimsonwitch Thu 10-Oct-13 02:07:07

Luckily DD (10) is very clued up on her now. She has refused to go to her house after she defended me when MIL was bad mouthing me in front of her, and was told off for it. I have had confrontations with her in the past, but dp doesn't back me up and buries his head in the sand for a quiet life. I feel very isolated because everyone else lets her be this self appointed matriarch including her other daughter in-laws. They let her get away with it so that she will babysit, buy lots of presents at xmas/birthdays (for them and dc) she signs cards to her other daughter in-laws love from mum and they call her mum, its sickening.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Thu 10-Oct-13 02:07:15

YANBU what a stupid fucking idiot. Wondering if she cleaned and sterilised the bottle correctly as maybe that's why he's been sick? Of course it's more likely its the bottle of formula milk he isn't used to has done it but even so.

Doesn't really make a difference if "she wouldn't do anything to deliberately hurt your DC" she has due to her own selfish need to prove a point/be "right". She's done it for her not for the baby.

Morloth Thu 10-Oct-13 02:13:55

Most MIL posts on MN make me roll my eyes.

But I would go fucking ballistic over that.

I might not cut her out, but she would be left with a very clear idea how I felt and no fucking way would be be allowed unsupervised near my kids again.

Bloody hell.

Gruntfuttock Thu 10-Oct-13 02:14:23

Will your DP still not back you up, even after she's done this? Surely there's a limit to the behaviour he'll tolerate from her and surely this has gone beyond that limit? confused

crimsonwitch Thu 10-Oct-13 02:16:27

Thank you for validating my murderous feelings. Dp thinks its because things were done differently in "her day" and she just wants to help hmm. BULL SHIT!!! she wants to undermine me. Think I will cut her off, or minimal (supervised) contact. on the upside DS1 (5) said to her on sunday that he wasn't staying for tea thank you, coz mummy cooks nicer dinners. She wasnt very pleased with that grin

FatOwl Thu 10-Oct-13 02:18:42

Awful thing to do, she did it to undermine you totally.

I'd do what Bogey said, ask for the barcode as the hospital are asking for it. It will (should- if she genuinely does love the DC) make her never, ever do something like that again.

Morloth Thu 10-Oct-13 02:23:55

It isn't her fucking day and it isn't her baby.

She made him sick to prove her point.

What a goddam bitch.

Shellywelly1973 Thu 10-Oct-13 02:25:18

Hi op.

Your right its all about control. Take back that control. My mother sounds like your mil. No point in confronting my mum as she ALWAYS right so I hardly see her now. I seen her last Christmas & in June.

My youngest dc5 went with my younger sister to see her in August. My mum slapped him- oh but its for his own good because ' He's a f**king little bully'

Lovely women-not! Just don't put up with it. Sod ur dp he needs to grow a spine...


DesperatelySeekingSedatives Thu 10-Oct-13 02:28:16

Oh and meant to say your DP is also very unreasonable indeed for not fighting your corner. His mother will keep doing this again and again because he lets her.

My DP used to have a similar outlook with his parents and it took us splitting up over it for him to realise things had to change. Not saying you should leave him btw! Just saying that things changed for us when I made it clear I wasn't putting up with it anymore.

crimsonwitch Thu 10-Oct-13 02:29:36

The more I think about this the more I hate her. I think I have just been that used to being undermined and criticised that it became normal. Seriously the woman is obsessed. Bathing the dcs when they have already been bathed because she didn't think I'd done it, taking their clothes to wash at home, criticising my cooking and cleaning, keeping any clothes she buys for the dc at her house because I don't wash them properly. I could go on and on. WTF have I been putting up with??

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