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To not understand where the notion that children are 'womens work' comes from?

(30 Posts)
Tallalime Mon 07-Oct-13 14:19:58

I keep seeing freds alluding to this.
If the dc are sick, the mother has to take time off work...
When the dc are little babies the mother takes care of them at night..
The mother organises the dc's clubs, school stuff, childcare/babysitters, food etc...

The father, I don't know, sits about looking nice and not worrying his pretty little head about children and all their gubbins.

I don't get it, my DH is far from perfect (he certainly doesn't worry his pretty little head about things like cleaning toilets or umderstanding what constitutes a 'balanced' meal)

But when it comes to DD he does half the work.

When she is sick we takes turns having time off - I don't give a fuck if he earns more than me, he has the same rights to parental leave as me, and she is as much his as mine!

When she was a baby waking at night I fed her, he woke up and got her, he got her nappies/other stuff together and changed her. At weekends we each got (and still get) a lie in.

I have always trusted him (total lie but I pretended I trusted him wink ) 100% to do anything for her (except bf) that I can.

She is and has always relied on us both the same.

I don't understand this notion that mothers are more important to young children than fathers are.

They should bloody well do half the work (or near as damn it).


MurderOfBanshees Mon 07-Oct-13 17:19:48

Also helps that boys are taught from a young age that childcare is "womens work" and there's something unmanly about doing it. That's never going to help.

everlong Mon 07-Oct-13 17:22:01

I think it comes from the mother wanting or needing to give that basic care once they're born.

I see threads in here where women moan that their DH doesn't step up to the mark but then they admit they don't like to leave him to get on with it.

You can't have it all your own way.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Mon 07-Oct-13 17:29:59

I find the notion of DH's 'helping out' really odd. They're doing you a favour by looking after their own child?

When DH is home we split parenting equally. He comes home and baths DS (its their time together), I tidy up his toys, sort his milk and when he's in bed one of us will start dinner. We are a team. Why should it be left down to me because I'm the woman? We used to take it in turns to get up in the night and have a lie in on the weekend.

I didn't realise parenting was optional. If my DH thought it was, well it just wouldn't happen.

IBelieveInEngels Mon 07-Oct-13 17:32:52

I tend to stay at home with DS when he's ill as I get 8 days care leave per year. If DH stays at home with ill DS then he loses a day holiday. So for us it is circumstance. (We both work part time and I earn more than DH). However, if DS becomes ill during the day and has to be picked up then DH will usually go and puck him now off and either try and work from home or will have to take holiday if this isn't possible. DH works in the town we live in whereas I'm further away.

I did all the night feeds when DS was a baby as he was bf and DH was back at work less than 2 weeks later, whereas Iwas offfor 4 months and by the time I went back to work DS was sleeping through the night.

jasminerose Mon 07-Oct-13 17:43:25

Dh takes time off when the kids are ill, had 3 months off when dc1 was born, does all care and household stuff when Im at work/out. Im not a doormat I wouldnt accept my husband doing nothing.

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