To wish my friend would STOP telling me how well her baby sleeps(76 Posts)
I AM being unreasonable, I know. But Grrrr....
My friend had a little boy 2 weeks ago, and he sleeps beautifully, only wakes once or twice in the night for a feed, has lovely long naps in the day, and feeds well.
I suffered with both mine - tongue ties and feeding issues, never sleeping, etc etc. am still in the throes of sleep deprivation with 6 month DS who only naps 20 mins at a time and wakes up every 2 hours (or less) at night.
I am very very happy for her, and I'm not wishing for her idyllic baby to change, but AIBU to wish she'd STOP texting me saying 'Ah, DS just had a 3 hour nap after his morning feed', or posting on FB about how she's finding everything soooo easy, keeping her house clean and getting everything done.
It's driving me insane! She knows how knackered I am. Stop with the stealth boasting! It makes me feel shit.
As you were.
My second was like that. He did start sleeping less at around 3-4 months. It was such a pleasant surprise after DD (who would also only sleep in 20 minutes snatches). However, in retrospect, we do wonder if it was an early warning sign for his quite significant speech disorder and less serious developmental motor delays. It's only been two weeks for her though...the adrenalin rush will wear off soon and he will start being less convenient.
To be fair, you should probably stop telling her how your son is sleeping if you have been. Are her Facebook posts aimed specifically at you?
YANBU op, but IME no one gets off scot free. I've yet to meet someone who didn't have sleep problems with their DC's at some point
She sounds so smug.
Also, she must know you have sleep deprivation issues, so why is she being so insensitive/
It's all swings and roundabouts though, so she will have issues where you do not...like down the line she may have feeding issues/teething/colic/school/kid marrying someone she hates etc.
Sorry swimmyfishy. Although having a toddler AND a baby that don't sleep, I'd still feel a bit stabby that at least one of yours was sleeping!
Every bloody hour last night. Thanks DS. And up for the day at 5.45.
I know mrTBF it's odd isn't it. Because of my 5yr age gap
between dc2 and dc3 I got a lot of "how will you cope woth going back to the sleepless nights" comment. Back? back! I haven't slept through in 8 years!
Frusso I agree - everyone sympathises with mums of small babies, makes allowances, expects them to be tired - mentioning that your 2 year old (or 5 year old - have a ) has woken every 2 hours, or more frequently some nights, every night for their entire life, and that in fact the mum of the newborn who only wakes twice a night is getting considerably more unbroken sleep than you, is considered in very poor taste for some reason, and those who are up 5 times a night to toddlers are expected to be helping out the mum of newborn and bustling about energetically, with no excuse for the pile of laundry and the unwashed dishes and haggered face Not fair!
YANBU, although at least at 2 weeks (a) she can hardly take credit for it (or does she? If so dump her sorry smug self), and (b) you can chuckle knowingly at the many sleep regression milestones up ahead.
My least favourite are the ones who were lucky enough to make it to a year or more with no issues, and are forever giving helpful tips like 'you just need a better bedtime routine' or 'the trick is to start with Gina from birth'. Though at least they all seem to think again when they get a sleepless second child...
swimmyfish you've earnt it. Toddlers that don't sleep are horrendous,
I have a 5yo that doesn't sleep you can't even feed them back to sleep.
My ds (5mths) is a perfect sleeper; he only wakes up to feed.
at 11, 1, and 6 pass the matchsticks.
You miss understood me! Yes i loved telling people my DD slept through from 4 weeks, but yet i WAS sleep deprived because my DS who is only a year older than DD was still waking... So at this time the baby was sleeping the toddler was not!
Swimmyfishy, you used to LOVE telling people your DD slept through from 4 weeks?
I bet your other sleep deprived mummy friends just loved that.
My friend and I had babies bery close in age. mine was/is not a good sleeper. He woke every 2 hours during the night we struggled with naps when he was young he would inly sleep on me for a time.
Her baby was a dream slept through the night from a very early age and continues to be a great sleeper. Napped like an angel literally would sleep for hours ay a time.
BUT he can be the demon child!!!
I like ro think of it as karma!
My DD slept through from 4 weeks. I used to LOVE telling people that! They always answered along the lines of "you lucky thing", then I would tell them that not all was a bed of roses... DS 16mths at the time still woke several times at night!! Both perfect sleepers now though.
Totally agree with poster who said it is firs.t rule of motherhood to STFU if you have the good sleeper. I only discovered years later than DS good friend slept through at 3 weeks or something when DS was still waking at 9 months ....
Now that is friendship!
I've got a friend the same, I feel like laughing at her and telling her it will change when she least expects it! Dc2 used to be a lovely sleeper... Now he's up all bloody hours! Bet she won't be boasting then.
Good point MrTumbles. My DS1 (now 9) has always been a great and really deep sleeper. He was 4 before we could stop nappies at night as he just didn't wake. DS2 proved that I can take no credit for DS1s excellent sleeping. He is a very light sleeper, even now at 6 wakes me up most nights. But he was dry day and night by 2 and a half. No baby is perfect all round and things can change very quick. YANBU at all, just human!
Whoa there girls, I most certainly was not banging on about how hard motherhood was while she was pregnant! Sheesh!
I can see how that last post looked but that's not what I meant. I just meant that she met me while I was in the depths of sleep deprivation with DD, and then with DS, so clearly a lot of my bad parenting experience was shared with her. Also a lot of the good ones!
You are so not beint unreasonable (well if you are then so am I!)
I have a friend who does exactly the same, shes a lovely person and yes I'm bitter and jealous but shes always putting on facebook how wonderfully her little girl has slept that night and that she's obviously doing everything right etc and her child is completely perfect (she probably is, shes adorable)
Im sure she is doing everything right, but I look at my 14 month old who has never slept a full night in her life and get all bitter and I read her.statuses and pics etc and feel like a total failure
I agree dayithowitis - there is nothing more draining than somebody going on and on about how hard parenting is, particularly when you are pregnant. I got fed up with everyone making negative comments about it as though I had blithely gone into it with the belief that babies slept for 12 hours straight every night and were adorable angels the rest of the time.
Perhaps she wanted to tell you to shut up when you were banging on how she was setting herself up for a life of sleep deprivation whilst she was trying to enjoy her pregnancy and be excited about having a baby. Or maybe she is reassuring you that she is not finding it as hard as you seemed to think she would, and hoping that you will be pleased for her that she is, so far at least, coping well.
I've been telling her for 2 years, i.e. how long Ive know her, all about how difficult it is, and how sleep deprived one can get etc etc and I feel like..... Whatever the opposite of vindicated is!
If you spent two years telling her how hard motherhood is, I am not surprised she is telling you her experience of it. She may assume that you want to hear about her (so far) good experience as much as you assumed she wanted to hear about your difficult one.
TBH, I would just let it go - the chances are that at some point she will find some aspect of parenthood particularly challenging, possibly even a sleep regression. And then she may look to you for some support to get through it.
MrTumbles That must be it!
My non-sleeping children are certainly never boring!
Actually [slaps forehead] she's bored out of her mind with such a dull.sleepybaby isn't she - that's why she's texting you the minutia of her day!
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.