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to feel under pressure to look a certain way while i am pregnant?? ie slim with small neat bump

(81 Posts)
mistyshouse Sun 06-Oct-13 19:09:48

am 3 months pg with dc3 and i was the same with the others as well. i took it a bit too far with dc2 and i only gained about 14 - 17lbs with her. and ended up having to have a growth scan at 32 weeks as my bump was so small. she is fine though but sometimes i still feel bad that i could have harmed her somehow sad

i don't want to do that this time. but i am still finding myself calorie counting and feeling guilty if i go over 2000 cals in a day or eat particularly unhealthy foods.

i like to keep slim when not pg and watch what i eat and try not to go above a certain weight. i think a major reason for my not wanting to get too big in pg is because i think the smaller i can be the easier it will be to get back in shape once the baby's here.

i have this look in my mind that i want and its tiny and slim all over with just a neat bump and never getting massive. i had that last time but it was through depriving myself and the baby, plus was only 28 so i was younger, am 33 now so realistically am gonna struggle to get any sort of decent shape back. i don't want that this time but at same time cant face getting massive.

someone said i already had a "little bump" yesterday and i was mortified, ended up crying afterwards. i don't know why, i feel like i shouldn't have one yet at only 3 months

dh knows how i feel and thinks i am being silly. and probably lots of you will think i am being shallow and awful. i wonder if anyone will admit to being the same?

IComeFromALandDownUnder Sun 06-Oct-13 19:13:31

I don't think anyone wants to put on loads of weight when pregnant but to diet while pregnant is dangerous. Think of your little one rather then your weight. If you eat healthily you will lose it all quickly afterwards.

nomorecrumbs Sun 06-Oct-13 19:16:07

Sod the calorie counting and eat what you like! It's good for your baby to eat.

AnyFucker Sun 06-Oct-13 19:17:27

Hello there, I am sorry you are feeling anxious

You sound like you have an eating disorder, are you getting any help with that ?

monkeynuts123 Sun 06-Oct-13 19:17:27

Do you have an eating disorder?

catgirl1976 Sun 06-Oct-13 19:21:23

Have you spoken to your midwife or GP about how you feel? As others have said you seem to have an issue around your weight and food control so you might find it helpful to look at getting someone to talk to and getting some support

Shellywelly1973 Sun 06-Oct-13 19:33:55

In some respects I think your right. I most certainly do not understand the mentality of eat what you like , your pregnant!

Im 24 weeks pregnant with my 6 th dc. Im a size 8. After my last dc it took me 4 weeks to go bsck to normal... it nearly drove me mad.

We do not need extra calories until the last 12 weeks of pregnancy&then its only 200 which apparently is a couple of slices of toast.

I don't eat any more then normal BUT I dont know what I weigh. I love my curves & I will deal with gettin back to my normal size after the baby arrives.

Be kind to yourself. Enjoy your pregnancy. You will get bavk to your normal size before you know it!

Shellywelly1973 Sun 06-Oct-13 19:34:59

Excuse typos on phone!

Coconutty Sun 06-Oct-13 19:35:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Coconutty Sun 06-Oct-13 19:37:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

parakeet Sun 06-Oct-13 19:38:09

No one will judge you for not being slim while pregnant. And it sounds like you will be very good at losing the weight fast. Why not stop the calorie counting but still try to eat healthily?

redcaryellowcar Sun 06-Oct-13 19:39:44

I think there is a lot of emphasis on not overeating in pregnancy but would imagine undereating is equally dangerous, I do understand what you are saying you feel, I ate too much in pg1, but now at 17wks in pg2 I am being sick and not feeling like eating much so slimmer than I was at the same point in pg1.
I think it would be worth seeing your gp and explaining your anxieties and concerns. you sound like you are aware it could be a problem, so doing something to get some support and advice would be the a good start

NotYoMomma Sun 06-Oct-13 19:40:10

with dd1 I had a nice bump despite gaining 2 stone

with dd2 I have only gained 4 lbs total (had to lose early on to him mlu bmi target)

sad but my bump is all over and I look like I have two more babies hiding in my saddlebags lol

to make matters worse the office stunner is due 3 days before me and has the neatest most perfect bump ever and she is glowing! I am jist glowing with office lighting rrflecting off the extra greesy hair and skin this 2nd child has graced me with.

HandMini Sun 06-Oct-13 19:40:11

mistys - if you calorie cont and weight watch when you're not pregnant I can imagine it must be hard to switch that off when you are. Can you refocus your food thinking, perhaps plan a careful meal planner ensuring you are getting five portions if fruit / veg, sufficient iron, minerals, good fats, plenty pf proteins, etc etc and if you could focus on this could you then put less emphasis on calories?

hettienne Sun 06-Oct-13 19:41:21

Were you a healthy weight before you became pregnant? If you had a healthy BMI, then you should put on around 25lbs, at a rate of about lb a week in the 2nd and 3rd trimesters. If you had an underweight BMI to start with then you could do with gaining more.

It does sound like you have an issue with eating. Could your midwife refer you to a dietician maybe? It's really important to prioritise the baby now.

AnaisB Sun 06-Oct-13 19:42:00

Op, i think you should talk to your gp or midwife.

BackforGood Sun 06-Oct-13 19:43:06

Yes - as you've put it in the AIBU? section, then you certainly are. Surely the health of your baby is more important than your looks ? hmm

Coupon Sun 06-Oct-13 20:34:26

Any nice person isn't going to mind at all what shape you are, pregnant or not. People come in all shapes and sizes and who cares if there are some judgmental folks out there? Just ignore them. Please be kinder to yourself and if you find this hard, see the GP for some advice.

womma Sun 06-Oct-13 20:43:58

There's no pressure to look any way at all while you're pregnant, only the pressure you're putting yourself under.
You sound like you have issues around food, and may need some professional help.
I'm bewildered that anyone tries to calorie count in pregnancy! Relax, enjoy and look after both yourself and your baby.

puntasticusername Sun 06-Oct-13 20:48:41

As others have said - please ask for some professional help with this. You need to be eating enough to keep you and the baby well. Everything else is much less important. You are not being "silly", "shallow" or "awful". The fact that you've come here and asked the question shows that you are a good mum who loves her children and wants to do what's right for them. Go and ask your gp or midwife for support.

DoNotTellMeWhatToDo Sun 06-Oct-13 20:49:49

I put on just under 4 stone when pregnant for the 1st time (at 29) Got back into shape after 6 months. (pretty close anyway, I do have a bit of muffin top still)

I think you must have a 'head/thought process problem' here. Last time the doctors were worried about the growth of your baby and that still hasn't slapped you round the face hard enough to put aside your worries about putting on weight while pregnant?

You WILL put on weight when pregnant.
Your body WON'T go back exactly like it was.

Stop messing with the health of your baby.

PrettyFlyForAWifi Sun 06-Oct-13 20:52:48

I see where you're coming from. Not pregnant, I am slim and it's very important to me, I don't think I have an eating disorder but I'd never let myself get fat either. Pregnant, I am enormous and because I'm usually small, it gets remarked on a lot and I hate it, I feel really self conscious and like I should have a size 8 body with a bump.
But I do love the excuse to eat for 2. Have put on about 3 stone and while I have a little residual anxiety about it, I know I'll lose it and this is my last pregnancy so why the hell not.

Viviennemary Sun 06-Oct-13 20:53:20

It sounds as if you have an eating disorder. You should certainly talk this over with your doctor or midwife so your baby's health will not be adversely affected. The only pressure on you is in your head which is why you must seek help immediately.

WorraLiberty Sun 06-Oct-13 21:06:46

You do come across as someone with an eating disorder from what you've said OP.

How you look when pregnant shouldn't come into it. Eating healthily and properly for the sake of you and your baby is the most important thing.

I don't understand pregnant women no wanting their bumps to grow big.

Equally I don't understand pregnant women who 'eat for 2' or use pregnancy as an 'excuse' to eat shit loads of the wrong foods.

I agree wholeheartedly with Shellywelly1973's post.

Can you speak to your GP or MW?

Twattyzombiebollocks Sun 06-Oct-13 21:36:01

I managed to grow perfectly healthy ds1 by eating my way through the universe and gained 2stone on top of the weight I gained with him. I also managed to grow perfectly healthy dd2 on a diet of drumstick lollipops, soreen malt loaf, doner kebabs and toast thanks to 9 months of morning noon and night nausea, and managed to lose 1.5 stone whilst pregnant.
Eat what you want when you want it, in the western world it's highly unlikely your diet will be poor enough to adversely affect baby.

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