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To be a bit annoyed at DH because of this?

(103 Posts)
Madratlady Sun 06-Oct-13 18:32:54

I'm totally prepared to be told IABU, I have a feeling I am a bit anyway.

A couple of weeks ago I had a bad cold. I'm 6 months pregnant and have PGP as well so I felt like death but I went to work for 3 12 hour shifts in a row, in a demanding job, anyway, because we need the money and I wouldn't have got any sick pay.

DH then caught my cold. He also felt terrible but took 3 days off. He also doesn't get paid for not being at work so we're now short of money which I was relying on to pay the bills. We're currently clearing debts from me being out of work for 3 months (I got a new job after 10 days but CRB checks etc delayed me starting). He works 8-4 and has a laid back job in IT.

And just to make it worse the tumble dryer is on it's last legs and the washer isn't much better so we'll need to find more money. I'm stressing cos we can't make ends meet and it's going to carry over into next month cos I'll have t use money I was going to put away towards bills at the beginning of next month to pay off the last of the things we owe this month. And I'm struggling at work due to PGP and could really do with stopping for maternity leave a few weeks earlier than my original goal of 38 weeks but I don't want to because we need the money I earn.

I know none of that last paragraph is DH's fault by the way, I'm just stressed and £300 isn't money we can afford to not have just because he had a cold.

FourEyesGood Sun 06-Oct-13 18:37:25

Some people are more badly affected by colds than others (and you did say you felt like death!). Some people are more wussy. You'll never know how badly your DH was affected by his cold, and the time has now passed, so by all means be annoyed, but it won't do you, him or the baby any good.

PixelAteMyFace Sun 06-Oct-13 18:38:16

YANBU about your DH.

Just be thankful that you are the one who is pregnant and not him, otherwise he'd be on maternity leave from now.

FourEyesGood Sun 06-Oct-13 18:38:53

Also, does he know you view his job as "laid back" compared to your "demanding" job? Would he agree wholeheartedly?

TobyLerone Sun 06-Oct-13 18:39:18

I don't think YABU, as such, but I do think it's pointless being worked up about it now.

YANBU to be worried about money and to feel put out that you carried on working through the cold and he didn't, but YABU to carry on about it.

BillyBanter Sun 06-Oct-13 18:42:27

Your employers are unreasonable for not paying sick pay.

I'd be annoyed too.

Madratlady Sun 06-Oct-13 19:17:09

Four he was genuinely ill but does tend to be very very wussy about illness. I do think 3 days is excessive and he has form for taking days off whenever he feels a bit rough. I'm not showing my annoyance because that would be pointless, I'm just frustrated at struggling to get all the bills paid. And yes he agrees that a lot of the time his job is a lot easier/more laid back than mine, although he has his busy days. I work flat out for 12 hours a day at work, it's just physically and emotionally a very demanding job.

Toby I'm not carrying on about it in RL, just venting here. It's sleepless nights trying to work out how on earth we'll cover our outgoings that are making me more stressy than usual.

BillyBanter Sun 06-Oct-13 19:20:41

Do you share the bills stress with your DH? Is he more laid back about them?

3 days is a lot for an otherwise healthy young person to take for a cold when it means no money coming in.

Madratlady Sun 06-Oct-13 19:27:15

Billy I do but he is terrible at managing money so I do all of our budgeting. He has a history of not managing his money properly and getting into debt and we've just finished paying off a large amount of an IVA he was in before we got together than he wasn't keeping up with the payments of before we had joint money so this way is easier. He also suffers from anxiety and finds stress harder to deal with than I do. I think he tends to assume I'll make it all work out somehow which is nice that he has so much faith in me but a little frustrating when he takes time off willy nilly. He's a lovely husband but a little incompetent at times.

AnyFucker Sun 06-Oct-13 19:31:12

Is this your first baby ?

You husband sounds like a manchild that you have to manage

Deeply annoying and exhausting for you....and likely to get much much worse with DC in the picture

Madratlady Sun 06-Oct-13 19:43:12

Yep first baby. I'm in my early 20s and he's 9 years older but I feel like more of a grown up at times. I think having the baby will come as a shock but I do think he'll step up and grow up and be a good hands on dad. He's good at splitting house work and stuff fairly and pulls his weight (with a little reminding of what needs doing), he's just bad when it comes to managing money and being ill! Believe it or not he's lived independently since he left care 15 years ago but he doesn't seem to have got his head around budgeting.

fifi669 Sun 06-Oct-13 19:45:54

Time off for a cold? I would have told him to man up!

bordellosboheme Sun 06-Oct-13 19:47:21

Yabu and. Martyr.... You should have taken time off and so should he... A tumble dryer is not an essential. We don't have one....

Madratlady Sun 06-Oct-13 20:05:18

Bordello me taking time off would have caused even more financial problems, we can't afford to be losing that many days pay. The tumble dryer is just one more thing on top of essential outgoings. We won't be replacing the it straight away, I only use it if it's raining, but washing takes days to dry on the clothes horse because our house is cold and damp even with the heating on. If it's raining we do sometimes need clean things in less than 3 days.

Madratlady Sun 06-Oct-13 20:06:27

And if I was unclear, I don't object to time off sick, I just think 3 days for a cold was more than necessary when he knew the financial implications.

peggyundercrackers Sun 06-Oct-13 20:10:15

yabu - you don't really know how bad he was feeling - just because you don't want to take time off doesn't mean he has to do what you do. also think he was right because it pisses me off when people come to work with a cold and sit and cough & sneeze on everyone else then everyone comes down with it - if your ill stay at home!

if you cant afford for him to have 3 days off sick before you have a child how are you going to manage once baby comes along?

Jinsei Sun 06-Oct-13 20:16:01

Hmm, depends how ill he was, I guess. I wouldn't thank a colleague for coming to work and spreading their germs around if they "felt like death". hmm

Jinsei Sun 06-Oct-13 20:16:48

X post with Peggy

Madratlady Sun 06-Oct-13 20:37:16

We're still catching up from me losing my job at 8 weeks pregnant, we will be financially stable again before the baby arrives but things are very tight right now.

I guess iabu though.

Jan49 Sun 06-Oct-13 21:02:25

YABU. I don't really think anyone should have to go to work when ill, especially when it's an infectious illness that you can pass on to colleagues and especially when pregnant. So I think YWBabitU to go to work as usual. I don't see how you could perform your job properly when you "felt like death". It's tough when you get no sick pay but I wouldn't blame someone who was genuinely sick for staying at home.

Snazzyenjoyingsummer Sun 06-Oct-13 21:06:14

It's really the fault of firms that don't pay sick pay that people like the OP go in when they really shouldn't.

I think YANBU, OP. In the circs you've described he should have gone to work.

bordellosboheme Sun 06-Oct-13 22:16:07

What Peggy said. I think you're being mean to your dh. Illness is illness and you should have had a bit more sympathy from him.... Plus, as Peggy said its not fair to go into work and infect everyone in the vicinity.....

AnyFucker Sun 06-Oct-13 22:25:30

Some right fucking manpleasers on this thread.

OP, repost this thread on Relationships. You will get some very different replies. Give me fucking strength.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sun 06-Oct-13 22:32:13


And why is he taking such an easy road with his job? There are tons of really well paid jobs in IT if you look in the right places and are prepared to put a bit of effort in.

He is going to be a father. He needs to man the hell up and do his share.

thefirstmrsrochester Sun 06-Oct-13 22:35:11

Your DH needs to man up. YANBU.

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