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Friend annoyed with me for cancelling concert due to family memeber passing away

(27 Posts)
MoveYourArmsLikeHenry Sun 06-Oct-13 11:32:14

Ok so a few months back a friend and I bought tickets to a concert which is tonight. We were both really looking forward to this and I had my outfit picked out and everything.

My great aunt who had been suffering horribly due to a brain tumour passed away this morning. I am distraught (as is my dad), I watched her go through so much pain in hospital, having treatment which didn't do anything for her except prolong her life for a few weeks. The last time I saw her was a few days ago in a hospice, unconscious, and not the aunt I used to know.

Due to this I really do not want to go to a concert tonight. I rang my friend and told her the awful news, tears streaming down my face. She was sympathetic, but when I told her about not feeling up to the concert she became a bit iffy with me. She was ok, just a bit silent and a lot of "hmms" and "mmms". I told her I would gladly give my ticket to her and she can take another friend/family member and she said she didn't think there was anyone available who could go at such short notice. I apologised and told her to let me know.

She has just texted me and told me one of her other friends would take the ticket and could I drive round to hers and drop it off. I said I would and once again sorry about dropping out at short notice. She then text me and said "Why did you change your mind about going? We had this planned for months"

Seriously? I feel awful for cancelling on her and understand she is peeved, but I have just had a death in the family and the last thing on my mind is a sodding concert.

WIBU to text her back and tell her that when somebody you love dies you really aren't in the best fucking form to go out and party? And a real friend would understand? Jeez!

ElvisJesusAndCocaCola Sun 06-Oct-13 11:33:44

YANBU but I would leave it for now. You have enough on your plate thanks

YouTheCat Sun 06-Oct-13 11:35:02

What a cow! She's still getting to go anyway and it's not like you planned this. Ditch her. She's no friend.

Really sorry about your great aunt.

Longtalljosie Sun 06-Oct-13 11:37:32

Text back the first sentence but not the second. Hopefully she'll figure the second out for herself.

midwifeandmum Sun 06-Oct-13 11:37:53

Im so sorry to hear about ur loss thanks

You find out who ur real friends are eventually. She sounds like a cow but focus ur time and energy at this sad time. Shes not worth it.

Groovee Sun 06-Oct-13 11:39:30

So sorry to hear about your aunt. flowers Your friend really doesn't get it.

SamG76 Sun 06-Oct-13 11:46:57

YANBU - find another friend. Let's hope a funeral of a close family member doesn't coincide with her Zumba class - that would give her a real dilemma.

Sparrowfarts Sun 06-Oct-13 11:54:09

I don't feel you should have to deliver the ticket either to be honest, but a dignified silence is probably the best course.

I'm sorry to hear about your aunt.

Mojavewonderer Sun 06-Oct-13 12:09:21

Text her the first bit and tell her to collect the ticket herself! She is obviously a total cunt!
So sorry for your loss op.

Charlottehere Sun 06-Oct-13 12:12:09

My aunt has just died. Ticket will be at mine for you to collect.

Then disown the bitch.

Charlottehere Sun 06-Oct-13 12:12:42

Sorry about your Aunt.x

Chocotrekkie Sun 06-Oct-13 12:23:07

She sounds really young and immature tbh but if she has never lost anyone she was close to might just not get it.

I lost my dad when I was 17 and some of my friends really didn't understand as they had never been in that position. They just didn't get that 2 weeks later I didn't fancy partying and wasn't over it and I was disappointed in a few of them.

Now we are all much older they understand and one of them has since said how immature they were in helping me at the time.

MoveYourArmsLikeHenry Sun 06-Oct-13 12:41:40

Thank you everyone. I dropped the tickets round and she was all understanding and reasonable face-to-face. Said she understands completely as losing someone is hard and for me to not be so silly and worry about it. Yeah, not what you were saying in the texts hmm.

Anyway, thanks all.

Snargaluff Sun 06-Oct-13 12:45:32

She is not a friend. What a terrible person!

Snargaluff Sun 06-Oct-13 12:46:23

And I am very sorry to head about your aunt. What a hard, cruel illness

clam Sun 06-Oct-13 12:53:15

Well, I see it's (kind of) sorted now, but I think I'd have texted "Sorry, I thought I'd explained: my aunt, who I was very fond of, died this morning."

LunaticFringe Sun 06-Oct-13 12:53:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Purplefrogshoe Sun 06-Oct-13 12:53:28

YANBU she is ! Im so sorry about your aunt

Wilding Sun 06-Oct-13 13:00:04

Well, I'm glad she was a bit nicer in person. Perhaps she sent that text in the first flush of annoyance at having her plans put out and then realised that she was being a cow?

Naughtyculture Sun 06-Oct-13 14:06:33

I think I'd probably ditch her as a friend too. She doesn't sound very nice sad

MissStrawberry Sun 06-Oct-13 14:11:40

not to be so silly and worry about it? hmm

Where were you being silly??

Sorry you have lost your Aunt.

and a friend

TeamSouthfields Sun 06-Oct-13 14:17:09

I don't think she is much of a friend.... and she sud be coming to you to get the ticket, not you going there.... bloody cheek... so sorry for ur loss

DanglingChillis Sun 06-Oct-13 14:34:35

YANBU but you know that. She should have come to your house to pick up the ticket and she was very rude. Don't do anything now the initial situation is sorted but if you don't get a condolence card (preferably flowers) then I wouldn't make much of an effort to get together any time soon.

Definitely agree it is hard for younger people, my best friend's Dad died when we were teenagers and in hindsight I definitely didn't get it (don't think I did anything terrible but really had no idea at that age how long grief lasted). She sent me the loveliest note when my Dad died a few years ago as well. I really appreciated it. Actually, some people are really funny with grief, Mum said some people she knew would cross the road to avoid her in the first few months after Dad died, but others (who she maybe didn't know as well) would cross the road to speak to her and say how much they thought of Dad and that they were thinking of her. Concentrate on the good people and on your family at this hard time.

NicknameIncomplete Sun 06-Oct-13 15:10:34

I dont think that you should stop contact with her over this. I would wait and see how your friend behaves over the next few weeks.
Maybe she doesnt understand as she may not have experienced death of a close family member.

FortyDoorsToNowhere Sun 06-Oct-13 15:15:28

I would give the friend a chance.

Some people don't know how to react over a death and can take time to sink in.

I hope your friend realises she acted out of turn and apologize for her behaviour.

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