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to use mobile phone spyware to spy on my teenager

(44 Posts)
bankofmum Sun 06-Oct-13 09:19:08

Actually I dont care if I am BU I just want to know if anyone here has, how did it go and which do you recommend (most seem to be american)

YouTheCat Sun 06-Oct-13 22:20:48

Turn it round and think. How would you feel if you discovered someone close to you had been spying on you with one of these apps?

I'd bet you'd feel violated.

YouHaveAGoodPoint Sun 06-Oct-13 22:18:50

I wouldn't use it. If he finds out it may completely ruin your relationship. It's the type of thing he may see as unforgivable. You will be more effective at helping stay on the straight and narrow if he sees you as ally rather than the enemy.

Toadinthehole Sun 06-Oct-13 22:13:38

What do you expect to discover? What are you going to do once you've discovered it?

This doesn't just sound counter-productive. It also sounds completely pointless.

WorrySighWorrySigh Sun 06-Oct-13 22:01:27

YABU, spyware will tell you where he has been or what he has texted. It wont tell you what he is going to do.

lagertops Sun 06-Oct-13 21:56:26

You don't have a lot of respect for your son, do you OP?

How would you feel if you found out someone was doing it to you, mortified is my guess.

By all means, go ahead if you want to give your son trust issues/ destroy any chance of an mutually respectful adult relationship when he's a bit older.

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 06-Oct-13 21:52:40

Hardly bank of mum then hmm op

SatinSandals Sun 06-Oct-13 20:34:27

If he has passed his test and is driving he must be getting on to being 18yrs and I would have thought it very dodgy ground to spy on an adult.

bankofmum Sun 06-Oct-13 20:19:14

He bought the car himself pays for petrol himself pays for insurance monthly and all petrol. Friends chip in for lifts. Has only just lost job and hopefully has another one or obvoiusly will not be able to afford insurance in future.

mrsjay Sun 06-Oct-13 12:47:13

I agree with you Fairenuff he is old enough to take the consequences of his behaviour we cannot and should not try and protect them forever

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 06-Oct-13 12:44:23

Yabu to use spyware on anybody.

Fairenuff Sun 06-Oct-13 11:44:10

I suspect the OP's username is a clue.

However, I was just thinking that if he had help to buy and/or run the car, perhaps the OP could stop paying for it and he would not be able to drive under the influence.

Also, where does he get his drug money from. If he has an allowance that could also be stopped so that if he wants to buy drugs he will have to fund it himself out of his earnings.

He is old enough to face the consequences of his actions and this will help him to learn how to behave more responsibly.

mrsjay Sun 06-Oct-13 11:38:26

I dont understand how a 17yr old can buy and run a car if he just started a new job ? anyway I dont think thhe OP is going to join in the discussion of they why and why nots

CajaDeLaMemoria Sun 06-Oct-13 11:34:03

Legally, this would be more than dodgy.

Don't underestimate how angry he'll be when he finds out, too. He may well press charges out of pure hurt and disbelief.

Veneto Sun 06-Oct-13 11:29:54

Doing this will, as other posters have said, very likely destroy your relationship with him when he finds out. Improving his behaviour and lifestyle has to come from him, you can't make him do this unfortunately.

Fairenuff Sun 06-Oct-13 11:26:08

You say he bought his own car. Did he finance it completely himself, purchase it, insure and tax it? Does he pay for all the petrol?

At 17 that would amount to quite a sum. Yet you say he has just started a job after dropping a college course and an apprenticeship.

Do you or your dh pay anything at all to the cost of running the car, or do you give him an allowance?

SaskiaRembrandtVampireHunter Sun 06-Oct-13 11:23:27

I wouldn't bother posting in Geeky Stuff - you'll get the same responses there.

HereIsMee Sun 06-Oct-13 10:58:51

Sounds a but much at 17. I monitored my DS's computer use up to around 14 with his knowledge and did a few surprise text checks on his phone with his knowledge because I think he should have some privacy. At 17 I'd hope he was mature enough to do his own thing. There's also the other problem of dealing with hackers to your receiving email address. Talk with him instead maybe?

ilovesooty Sun 06-Oct-13 10:54:09

You don't want to know and don't care if you are being unreasonable but you sure as hell are. Your son is old enough to be entitled to his privacy, make his own mistakes and accept the consequences of his actions. By all means trample all over accepted adult boundaries if you want to destroy all trust between you though.

mrsjay Sun 06-Oct-13 10:52:06

TBH I dont think many people will have used spyware for their 17 yr olds, maybe should have put it in techy stuff as you did put it in AIBU so by doing that you were asking people to comment on what and why you wanted to do it

Stellarella123 Sun 06-Oct-13 10:50:22

You can't spy on him, you have to accept that he is old enough to be making his own decisions and as difficult as it is you have to trust him, it will only ruin your relationship, I always look back at myself and my siblings as teenagers and wonder how my mum managed to give us freedom at a time when we were making mistakes and experimenting, my mum says it was very difficult, I do dread my kids growing up and having to let go.... You can only advise him, think positively, and talk to him without trying to control him, he will respect you smile

YouTheCat Sun 06-Oct-13 10:46:23

He's 17. He will find out you're doing this. He will resent you and leave home at the first opportunity.

One of my dd's friends has a father who does these kinds of things. His parents wanted him to go to a local uni so they could keep tabs on him and have him living at home. So he has gone to Scotland.

Your ds is a 17 year old - if he gets caught under the influence then he'll lose his license. He is old enough to accept the consequences of his actions.

LadyBeagleEyes Sun 06-Oct-13 10:45:36

He's 17 Op.
Cut the apron strings, I wouldn't even dream at looking at my ds's texts, he's 18,much less spy on him.

Euphemia Sun 06-Oct-13 10:37:11

Your thread title asked am I being unreasonable to use spyware. The answer you've had is YES.

Your son is practically an adult. You cannot and should not try to control him.

TheFallenNinja Sun 06-Oct-13 10:36:50

I think you may find yourself on legally shaky ground here.

bankofmum Sun 06-Oct-13 10:34:39

He bought his own and I want him to stop altogether and hes promised he would. I am desperate and really just wanted to know if anyone had used this sort of spyware. Not a discussion of why I want to

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