To think that at 2.3 years she should be able to settle to sleep without screaming??

[fluffandnonsense]

DD has never settled to sleep easily. When she was breastfeeding (until she weaned at 14 months) it would be hours and hours of feeding and then slowly trying to lower her down to bed. Inevitably ending in her waking and restarting the process. Eventually she took a bottle which she would feed herself at bedtime and go to sleep. This process could still take up to 2 hours and often 3 x 9oz bottles. Recently she moved into a big girl bed and the problem has intensified. She has a bath, has cuddles and stories on her bed and is more than happy until we leave the room. She then starts screaming the house down!! She has a lamp on, her door is open and we live in a bungalow so she is not locked in or secluded. But bedtime is really starting to take its toll. Her best performance was 3 hours
of screaming :( To start with we go in and say bedtime, give her another kiss, tuck her in etc. Then as time progresses we leave longer between visits and just tuck her back in. She doesn't get out of bed just lays there screaming!! It's been about 3 weeks now and it's no better. I've stopped her daytime naps which was shortened the length of time she can scream but not sorted the problem (plus I have a grumpy girl all afternoon). I'm really at my wits end. What else do I try?? I'm 23 weeks PG with DC 3 and really need her sorting before the baby comes. Please help me!!

[Iwaswatchingthat]

I can sympathise. Dd2 can still be a nightmare to put to bed.
And I am sorry to say she is 7 and is still really spirited mostly!!

The only thing which really worked for us (though some lapses here and there) is motivating bribing with a really decent reward.

2.3 is old enough to understand this.

A sticker chart might be something to move onto, but I think you need something immediate for tomorrow.

Get a sparkly ish box - allow her to decorate with stickers etc. then fill with party bag style crap bits and bobs. E.g. Bubbles, magic wands etc.

Make it clear - you go to bed withough screaming and you get to choose something from the magic box tomorrow. Or if you want to make it more positive - you settle down for bed quietly and you can choose something from the magic box tomorrow.

You could also let your other dc choose (I am assuming he/she sleeps well) to make it fair.

After a few weeks (or when the box is empty) intro sticker chart for a bigger prize which she has to work up to. A week is long enough for a 2 year old. Again - similar daft bits and bobs, but maybe a bit bigger. E.g. Comic.

Feel free to ignore, but worth a shot.....

Good luck.

[fluffandnonsense]

Thanks! Anything is worth a go at the moment! She is very head strong and determined. I'm not sure if the bribe of a gift will be enough motivation for her but I'm willing to give it a damn good go!!

What's frustrating is sometimes you will go in and she can turn the years off like a switch and start laughing frustrated face

Thanks for your advice xx

[Iwaswatchingthat]

Good luck - let me know how you get on!

The secret is to make the tat sound more exciting than it actually is!!!

[fluffandnonsense]

I'm off to town to find bribery tat! I hope it works!

[Iwaswatchingthat]

Oooooohh good luck. Poundland and home bargains your best bet!!! I really hope it works!

[amber381]

If she is ok until you leave the room would it not work if you just sat in her room until she falls asleep or lay on her bed with her, turn the light off and cuddle her until she is asleep. I know when my sis and I were little my poor old dad had to sit on the landing outside our bedrooms until we went off to sleep for years.

[Lonecatwithkitten]

We had to go for an enormous bride. 10 nights of not screaming or getting out of bed got you a ELC kitchen. It worked.

[NotYoMomma]

it could be too many distractions. trying to go to sleep with thedoor open and light on? in a bungalow where there will be noise? sensory overload?

[fluffandnonsense]

Our bungalow is quite big and the bedrooms are down one end. Her door is ajar not wide open and opens onto a corridor with lights off. At bedtime my husband takes the dog out so I just sit quietly in the living room (tv off). I'm wondering of her room is too bright. Until we moved her into her bedroom she just had a light on her monitor but now she's in a bed you can't see that light so I brought her a lamp which is much brighter. Just ordered a night light off amazon!

I've tried just sitting there but although she doesn't cry she won't lie down, jumps around, talks, sings etc. Basically struggles to calm herself down, even if I sit with my back to her. Also I can't say I relish the though of sitting in her room for 2 hours every night!

[Iwaswatchingthat]

I don't blame you not relishing that thought. You must be exhausted and you are entitled to a life too. I sympathise - having no evening really gets you down after a while. I am sure she gets plenty of attention during the day so you have nothing to feel guilty about.

How did the shopping go? Do you have a tat-tastic box?

[YoniBottsBumgina]

I think this is quite normal at her age to have trouble shutting off. I don't think I would go down the bribery route yet.

I used to sit with DS but on the condition that he lay still and didn't make any noise at all. He didn't have to close his eyes but just the act of lying completely still - no fidgeting, no changing position in bed, not even holding himself tense.

It did take a long time at first - I used to take my phone in and mumsnet or play games which I could put on silent first, with the screen turned away from DS so he couldn't see. The time taken for him to relax reduced until it was just 20 minutes for a long time, and then eventually about 5 minutes. After this I was able to give him a kiss and go.

[JacqueslePeacock]

YBB, how did you persuade your DS to lie still? I'm going through this at the moment and could really use some tips. I ask DS to lie still and he smiles sweetly and says "yes, mummy" but 2 minutes later he is rampaging round the bed again.

[Iwaswatchingthat]

fluffandnonsense How is it going?

[Buddhagirl]

If she does not get up then why not just let her cry herself to sleep? Maybe she keeps crying as she knows you will come back and tuck her in.

[YoniBottsBumgina]

I counted to 3 and if I got to 3 and he was not lying still and quiet then I left the room. He wanted me to stay so the threat of it was usually enough. I would get to the door and he would immediately lie down again. Then I would do a serious face and say okay, but this is your last chance. If I had to count and got to 3 again then I'd actually leave, he'd cry for a while and I'd call up the stairs that he had to lie quietly in bed for 2 minutes before I would come up again.

[fluffandnonsense]

Tonight I've been doing homework with DS so DH has put her to bed and for the first time in about 3 weeks there's been no tears at all! I was all ready to go in there with my bag of tricks but no need tonight!

She has had a busy day with no naps but normally that doesn't make a difference! Tomorrow will be the big test as she does have a nap at nursery.

I'm debating telling them she can't have one but I'd feel awful as she has not long started nursery and has found the transition hard to say the least.

[Iwaswatchingthat]

Hooray. Hope your peace lasts. Then you can watch Homeland in peace.

[fluffandnonsense]

More to the point I got to eat my cornflakes without getting indigestion!! winner

[Iwaswatchingthat]

Having better evenings?

[fluffandnonsense]

Last night wasn't too bad! She had a really bad evening with lots of tears and just wanted me to do everything for her. I think with starting nursery she has got some separation anxiety going on so last night I laid on the bed with her for 10 minutes before giving her a kiss and leaving. She didn't cry when I left and went straight to sleep!

It seems since I declared war on mumsnet she's changed her mind and started to behave. Lol

Tonight should be fun though as my OH is out with work so won't be home until late and I've got to try and juggle the bedtime for the two of them.

[Edendance]

She's crying because eventually you go back in again. Stop going back in and the crying will stop. 3 nights max and it'll stop entirely.

Sounds like it's going well already though, long may it last!!

[Booboostoo]

I have similar problems with DD (2.4yo) who has always been a difficult sleeper. She didn't sleep on her own until she was 2 and she still needs me around to go to sleep. I've come up with the following rules:

• she bfs (but not endlessly, once each side and then she can ask for one more then it's finished)
• then I sit on the edge of the bed and read until she falls asleep (sometimes she choses to touch me sometimes not)
• if she gets up I tell her once that it's time for sleep and if she persists I leave the room
• she then cries, I leave her 20-40 seconds then go back in, say it's time for sleep, put her down and sit on the edge of the bed. Repeat if she gets up again (she only got up 2-3 times the first night, after that she seemed to get the idea).

Good luck! I know how frustrating it can be!

[fluffandnonsense]

Tonight has been another success! I was doubtful as she was bouncing all round the bedroom to start with. I read her bedtime stories and then straight away she asked me to lie down with her (as per last night), Her new lamp came so I put that on which made her room much darker and cosier.

She wants me to lie really close to her and she spends ages stroking my face, brushing my hair away, kissing me :) I spent 10 minutes laid down until she was calmer and then kissed her and got up and left. I heard her talking loudly at one point but other than that SILENCE!

I'm planning to do this for a while and then move to just sitting in the bed, then sitting in the floor etc. Really hope this continues to work!