to really hate this couple?(188 Posts)
This is just a rant, really. They were in my dream last night so I've been stewing on it this morning.
I thought they were friends of ours, his wife was (I thought) my best friend but with hindsight they were just users, they used to come here for dinner and drinks almost every weekend and leave their DD here, for example, the favour was never returned.
When we were planning our wedding, they asked me if their DD could be a bridesmaid and if he could be our photographer (he isn't a professional, just a hobbyist), a few months down the line they said, oh as payment for being your photographer you can pay for our room at the hotel. I have no idea why I went along with this but I think I genuinely thought they had our best interests at heart and were doing us a favour. The room was about £250 I think, a family room for them and their DD. We also invited her parents (and paid for a meal etc) as they asked us to.
So, the wedding photos were predictably awful, we had a list of family shots we wanted and none of them happened, I have no photos of my sisters at my wedding, for example, and loads of photos of his wife and DD.
He spent a good ten minutes staging a shot that made it look like DH was snogging my mother (with the camera angle), and fucking PHOTOSHOPPED one of DH and my mum dancing to move DH's hand onto my mum's arse. These were the shots he was most proud of and plastered them all over Facebook.
We had to wait about six months for any copies of our photos, and he charged us a fortune for some framed shots, it's only now I work for a print company that I realise how much he ripped us off on those. We asked him literally every weekend for a good six months about the photos before he eventually gave us a disc with them on, and arranged the framed prints at the same time. He charged us £100 for each print, they were framed in plastic frames from Wilkos.
So as not to dripfeed, this is the man who broke into my house and assaulted me while I slept, a couple of years after the wedding. We obviously dont' see him any more and he was arrested for it although not charged. She hasn't spoken to me since and 'can't forgive me' for calling the police. She blanks me at school and Scouts although still has a cheery hello for DH.
So obviously I have that context to it. But I am fixating on the wedding stuff this morning. I am really fucking angry about it and need to have a big old AIBU rant.
They are cunts, aren't they? Or is it me?
reality I just wanted to say something in relation to why this has come up for you now- in my experience, if you are someone who copes well and managed to keep going last year, this time when everything is going better is the first time that you can really let it all out. I have often found that denial/repression is quite a good tactic for a while, but once you start dreaming about something, it's probably time to get it out and examine it for a bit before putting it back in its box (which is exactly what you are doing). I've often found that it's only when things are going really well that you can examine the darker stuff- hope you feel at least a bit better after getting upset over this.
And- you and they still know the truth, he's a nasty piece of work, and as others have said, his karma will come (and hers as I'm sure she knows what he is really like).
Crikey - Reality your words are powerful things.
Only just read this as new to MN but feel sick with this.
He will be found out in the end. Someway. Somehow.
Well done Reality. Don't let the bastard drag you down.
I just want to thank you all so much for all your lovely posts.
I've written the shit out of it and I think that will help. I am going to go and see my GP as well, when I can fit it in around work.
I am really bored of having it at the front of my brain now, I wish it would go away but it's not, so I;m just going to talk and write and rage it out until it does.
I can't remember a more disturbing thread.
just awful. also this sex offender has a dd? very worrying.
your parents attitudes are awful too.
Is your GP nice? Hopefully that will be a good first step. However counselling in general has a long waiting list. I am currently on one and in my area it's about 9 months. So I am going to go privately, it's about 30 quid a session, it's a good idea though to have your GP recommend decent counsellers who specialise in this area.
Or have you had any dealings with victim support? I only say this because my aunt is a victim support officer, works very closely with people who have had been assaulted etc. that would also be a good first port of call for other services I think.
Oh I'm sorry I went off on one about your parents. I was projecting. I am glad that they have been more supportive than I supposed.
I would tell your mum though that you're still suffering though. I am so glad she was behind you when you reported it. She may think, because you come across as so strong and together (as you come across on here) that you have been able to put it behind you. Perhaps she doesn't want to bring it up and dredge it all up again.
Please do try and have some counselling. What happened was so vile, in your own home and in the middle of the night. And you still have to see this fucker because of scouts and everything.
Sorry again for being harsh about your mum and dad.
You were sexually assaulted and haven't yet had counselling? Especially with the lack of prosecution and all the change I'm not surprised you have been so unsettled and upset.
Well done on going to speak to your GP, it takes a lot to acknowledge you may need help and even more to ask for that help, especially if you are normally such a confident person.
Aw, Reality, what a terrible thing, they are dreadful people. The sense of injustice is really awful to have to deal with. My brain does this too, every now and again puts me in a conversation with people who have previously fucked me over. I like a pp's suggestion that it's because you're in a happier place that your brain thinks you're ready to deal with it, I'll remember that. for you, be reassured that we all think that they are a pair of vicious cunts who will get their comeuppance. As my granny would say, I wouldn't piss on them if they were on fire!
Glad you will seek counselling and sorry you feel broken at the moment. Someone once said tome when I was feeling bad, that I was a bent reed that would never be broken. I think you are the same, you are bent but won't breakx
Reality you and your family have been through a terrible ordeal with this couple and no wonder you are dwelling on it, what with having to see them regularly and having to act normally.
I think you've have a fab bit of counselling courtesy of your mn friends . It sometimes helps enormously just to vent to sympathetic audience in a safe place, helps to get things in perspective, get support, advice, just other posters telling their stories means you don't feel so alone because others 'get it'.
Those two are toxic, miserable, damaged people. Their past will catch up with them, hopefully in spectacular style, because you can be sure that they have another family in their sights to abuse and use.
Oh thank you all again for you wonderful posts. I'm really a bit overwhelmed by all of this.
LeGav, how are you? I saw your thread yesterday but coudln't reply as I was at work.
My parents have been great, honestly, I think I've misrepresented them a bit. They went to a weddingr ecently where they were sat at the same table as cunty couple. My Mum blanked them, my Dad didn't, and my Mum didn't speak to my Dad for a week.
My Dad is very involved in Scouts, and without going into too much detail, them and their families are very high up in Scouting. In an ideal world my Dad would make the choice between me and Scouts, but he is a very mild man and so he has taken the easy route which is to maintain a polite relationship, for the most part (he was chummy at the wedding though after a drink which pissed my mum off).
My Mum is great in her own way. She supported me 100% in going to the police. I'm not sure how supportive she woudl be now if I told her I wasn't coping more than a year after the event, I think she would very much expect me to be over it by now.
I am making a gp appt to ask for some counselling, I'll happily pay for it if it's not available on the NHS. I do feel a bit broken headed at the moment.
Anyway, if you think it is worth it please do have this conversation with your parents. I know how terribly difficult it is. I had The Conversation with my mother in 2008, we haven't spoken since. And then I wrote her a letter, which I regret posting (it wasn't rude or spiteful, I just wish I hadn't told her how upset and lost I was).
Oh anyway I don't know what I am rambling on about as this has no relevance, but what happened to you was awful, and people's reactions should be like that of your husband - protective and supportive of you. It must crucify you that your parents have whitewashed the whole affair and still bloody SPEAK to them. You should be their number one concern. What do they think of it, 'oh it was only a drunken fumble, Cedric didn't know what he was doing, calling the police was Reality just getting arsey'
I know I am projecting my own crrap family experiences, I'm sorry. I just wish that they supported you. I can't think what goes through their head that they won't.
I remember that thread and how deeply distressed and confused you were by it, and we were all horrified on your behalf.
I don't know whether it would be easier for you to just try and accept that they won't change, that these are the parents that you have and you just have to find a way to accept it and learn how to manage your reaction to them, or confront them (which is what I did and every bridge was burned. Not that I ever regret it mind, not now anyway).
I agree with posters wiser than me that some degree of therapy I think would be really useful.
Anyway I hope you're all right, you lovely bugger.
My my days. These people put the C in Cunts. Awful behaviour on their part.
Just read this pretty horror struck! So glad you have some lovely friends x
regarding scouts - might be worth reporting this centrally. I am a beaver scout leader and there are lots of ways to report suspicions. There will be an area leader who you could email or if not the safeguarding department might be worth getting in touch with.
Try the scouting website x or if you want a more direct approach i am seeing our district commissioner tomorrow and can ask her advice.
Thinking of you x
is it possible to get some more photos done? the bigger fuss the better.I also think you need to call your parents on this and not keep quiet all the time. He has more to be afraid of than youxx
You can always get someone to photoshop your parents into a few photos if required
I like the idea of having a recreation of your wedding day so you can get nice pictures that are not tainted , what a lovely thing that would be to plan . Also i would make sure that as many people as you can , realise the reason you are doing it is because Mr deviant scout leader is actually totally shit at his prefered hobby , because i bet that will hurt him and his twisted ego a hell of a lot more than you ringing the police ever did .
What would happen reality if you said to your parents 'how do you think it makes me feel that you both speak to the man who assaulted me out of some misguided English sense of politeness?'
Or is that a fuxkjng stupid question and they will shake their heads and walk out of the room hurt at the sheer effrontery of the fact you have raised the uncomfortable aubject again. Because it was probably all a misunderstanding and you overreacted? And do t speak to me like that. And all those lovely chestnuts.
That is all.
There's enough wisdom on this thread already, I can't add anything better.
And keep talking about it , till you are blue in the face if necessary , your real friends will understand .
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