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For followers of the swimsuit stealing MIL...

(335 Posts)
fairy1303 Fri 04-Oct-13 10:58:23

I have worked so hard to get things back on track - to be pleasant but firm.
Things have got better. She has been here a couple of times as a guest only and has not been upstairs.

She invited herself to slimming world.
She has been told by doc to slim as she is borderline diabetic.

We got there - she was incensed that the leader could not put her in touch with a diabetic expert. Literally fuming.
Leader offered to put her in touch with another member following SW diabetics plan.

MIL fuming, been told bad advice etc etc.
I said 'if you can't follow this diet, there is no point you paying, it would be a waste of your money' MIL stews some more.

'No, I don't think i will follow it'

I had to speak to the leader anyway so I told MIL not to worry, I'll have a quick word with Leader and explain that plan is not for MIl.

We leave.

MIL tells me that nobody is fucking taking her fucking seriously and this is a massive life change - I say that I understand how serious it is and am trying to be supportive but no point paying for sw if she can't follow it (doc Han told her to avoid carbs, not eat too much fruit, etc).

I tell her there's no need to get upset, it's not an issue, we will find another way, and anyway, she is doing well on own.

To this I get told I'm an interfering bitch, why do I have to always get involved?!

I tell her to calm down.

I get told she 'always puts up with my moods (being told not to steal my children's clothes), bites her tongue, I'm a rude bitch and a horrible horrible person.' She then kicks me out of her car and tries to drive off with the baby in it. I have to chase after car (massive scene outside sainsburys) and get baby and stuff out.

I was so upset I was nearly sick.

I've just walked the hour home in the rain.

I don't know what to do. DH wants to speak to her but I don't want to exacerbate the situation but honestly I don't even want to see her again - big rows and scenes like that are just not me.

So WIBU to cut her out now for good and just let DH take children round to see her?

fairy1303 Fri 04-Oct-13 10:58:59

Sorry for thread in a thread!

Makqueen2 Fri 04-Oct-13 11:01:39

shock She drove off with the baby!

Fucking hell, she sounds like a nightmare.

YouTheCat Fri 04-Oct-13 11:02:48

She's a total cow. Your dh needs to grow a pair and tell her that her behaviour is not on.

Just avoid her. You were trying to do her a favour - do nothing else for this woman.

What was the swimsuit stealing issue?

LadyCelia Fri 04-Oct-13 11:04:02

Bloody hell. You have been a saint putting up with her & her "ways" for as long as you have done. Enough is enough, leave DH to deal with her (though my DH would probably cut her off too for driving off with a baby in that sort of state).

Are you OK?

quoteunquote Fri 04-Oct-13 11:04:11

I would withdraw contact, if she cannot be respectful towards you.

If your husband wants to take the children to visit, make sure he knows not to leave them with her unattended.

Link to the other thread(I miss everything) please.

ceebie Fri 04-Oct-13 11:04:17

Hindsight is a wonderful thing - clearly there is no point trying to form a friendly relationship with this woman.

For the moment, let DH take the children to her.

Eventually, when (if) everything cools off, she might be allowed to your house again, but strictly as a guest. Not allowed upstairs. And only if she behaves.

YANBU. Stick at it hun, you ARE making good progress, even if it doesn't feel like it just at the moment!!!

Tailtwister Fri 04-Oct-13 11:04:47

Good grief, she sounds awful! YANBU to cut her off. In fact, I would be tempted to include the children in that and tell your DH to go and see her himself.

I can't believe she tried to drive off with the baby in the car.

ScottishInSwitzerland Fri 04-Oct-13 11:04:47

I don't know the other thread.

But what you've written here makes her sound am absolute loon. If I were you I'd just avoid her from now on. If DH wants to talk to her and thinks he can get through to her then I guess let him try.

But she sounds like the sort of person who is likely to end up ostracising everybody around her and I'd be tempted to severely restrict contact from whole family

myroomisatip Fri 04-Oct-13 11:04:53

You WNBU to cut her off permanently and, in your shoes, she would not be seeing my DC again either, since she cannot be trusted to act responsibly.

QuintessentialShadows Fri 04-Oct-13 11:07:39


Barr her from your home and your life.

Let your dh talk to her, and explain she should not contact you again.

Littlegreyauditor Fri 04-Oct-13 11:08:05

She sounds like such hard work, and I can totally see why you want to cut her out, however there is no way in hell I would let someone with so tenuous a grasp of reality, sense or appropriate behaviour have unfettered access to my children without me there.

I say this as someone who has a grandmother most kindly described as a vicious aul bastard. Toxic people are always toxic, but I think it is better to know exactly what she is up to than to give her free rein with your family in your absence.

She may be stressed with the diabetes etc, but I suspect if it were not the case she would find some other excuse to attack you.

DameFanny Fri 04-Oct-13 11:11:20

Does she still have keys to your house? Does your h still want her to look after your step-d? Have I even remembered the right thread?!

HoleyGhost Fri 04-Oct-13 11:11:47

What littlegreyauditor said so well.

It is a big decision either way, no need to rush into it. I would expect my DH to support me in any decision I made.

fairy1303 Fri 04-Oct-13 11:14:12

I'm sorry, I can't link to other thread (technophobe)

I have to take a DSD to swimming class tonight. She will be there (she never misses a session) and seating area is very small so no escape. I'm tempted to drop and run!

I'm a bit calmer now - have phoned DH in hysterical tears - I think it was the prospect if her driving with baby tbh

I can't believe it, I've been making such an effort with her too!

BloodiedWellies Fri 04-Oct-13 11:15:07

How did your DH respond?


fairy1303 Fri 04-Oct-13 11:16:17

fanny (ha) no she no longer has keys!

DH says he will support me but that DSD is very close to granny and he feels it would be a punishment to DSD to not be able to see her at all (I, inclined to agree but think she needs supervision!)

fluffyraggies Fri 04-Oct-13 11:17:02

I remember your other thread. I was reminded of you by another thread a couple of days ago and wondered how you were doing.

She's a nutter OP. Not your fault. Do not bother with her ever again.

Seriously there is something wrong with a person who behaves like this. I don't know what it is and it's not your job to work it out either.

If your DH wants to talk to her or visit her in the future then so be it, but i wouldn't have her in the house again. Pleasantries out of the window i'm afraid.


fairy1303 Fri 04-Oct-13 11:17:30

He says he will support me. He wants to phone her and have a go at her for speaking to me like that. I've asked him not to for now - I think it would just make things worse

QueenofallIsee Fri 04-Oct-13 11:17:58

You were a bloody saint to put up with her for this long - she is a loon, this is your husbands issue YOU DON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS. I hope that your DH see's now that this cannot continue

WillYouDoTheMonsterMash Fri 04-Oct-13 11:18:47

I'd cut contact as far as possible. What does DH want to say to her? Would he be reading her the riot act or helping her to explain it all away?

Previous thread.

WillYouDoTheMonsterMash Fri 04-Oct-13 11:19:13

Cross post

fuzzywuzzy Fri 04-Oct-13 11:19:16

Errr, I would cut her out and she would not be allowed any sort of contact with any child of mine!

She tried to drive off with your baby? shock

fluffyraggies Fri 04-Oct-13 11:19:24

I wouldn't have her at the swimming lesson tonight either. God good you cant let a person behave like that and carry on as normal!!!

If your DH wants his mum to see DH then it will have to be with him, not you.

Fuming for you! angry

QueenofallIsee Fri 04-Oct-13 11:19:38

I think it is important that your MIL knows that there will be consequences OP - if you let the dust settle they seem to have form for brushing things under the carpet for an easy life and she must understand that this has to stop now. DH should ring her in my opinon

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