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AIBU and mean or friend is trying to take advantage?

(107 Posts)
Hopemore Thu 03-Oct-13 21:48:08

Sorry if this will be long and boring, I will try and do my best to explain the situation.

I am friends with "Betty" for a long time now and so are our kids. We constantly pass second hand stuff to each other, anything really, be it for the kids, ourselves, household...we usually check with each other first before offering to someone else or charity shop.

One day Betty came to my house and asked to buy a specific item that I had bought brand new for business use but no longer needed anymore. The item is in mint condition. I let her take it to her home so she could show to her husband and try at hers, even though she had tried at mine may times before. I said to her I couldn't price it at that point as I wasn't even thinking of selling it now and I needed to check on eBay how much the item is selling for.

So she took it home and 4 days later, in replying to my txt regarding other subject, she said that they decided to buy the product and asking me about my price, but she had just seen a similar one (not in great condition like mine and an old version too) at a charity shop going for £6, so she was just giving me an idea...

I than checked on eBay and saw that there is none like mine for sale (mine has an extra useful bit), but there is the old version going for £30+. I bought it brand new for £65.

So I texted her and said that my price was £30. And that I knew a neighbour who could sell one of the old ones for £25. She than txt me back saying that she is better go and check if the charity shop one is still there available and I suggested she give them a call and ask them to hold it for her (as she was working).

Anyway, no more communication since and she still using my item, never paid anything and doesn't really bother me as I don't need it nor need the money.

However we usually meet every Thursday with another friend, usually in my home, I couldn't hosted today but the other friend said that Betty invited her to go to her house...
And I was not invited...
So now I am wondering if she is angry with me because I am not selling the item for £6 or even giving it to her for free, or if she is only avoiding me because she doesn't want to pay for the item?

Am I being mean and selfish after all?

PatoBanton Tue 08-Oct-13 08:20:44

I think you just need to put the boundaries back in place as they have got very blurred. Next time don't give her something 'to try out'. Just say talk to your DH and I'll think of a price and we'll talk again soon.

Fwiw I have a well off 'friend' who totally takes advantage of me, and thus I don't see him any more as I figured he was always going to come off better in any given situation, and I couldn't spare the headspace this cost me in trying to figure out if he intended to be such an arsehole.

I don't think he did but I think it is hardwired into him that other people's needs come second to his own, so he is unlikely to change, however nice he is to everyone - underneath is a true businessman iykwim.

Hopemore Tue 08-Oct-13 09:19:10

I think I totally get what you are saying.
And it is not even about the material side of things.
It is about the feeling that you are being used and the doubt if you are truly appreciated for who you are instead of what you can offer to their benefit.
I have been rummaging this for the last few years but I think the last situation was the ice on the cake and I just don't want to have this in my life anymore.
At least not so often.
But still need to keep the kids friendship going.

shewhowines Tue 08-Oct-13 09:38:51

I'd feel the same as you op. Still, now you now know that she doesn't value you, as much as you need a friend to, and you can gradually minimise her presence in your life, without a big "fallout".

MrsJK Wed 09-Oct-13 13:51:03

Have you got it back yet OP? Interested to hear the condition it comes back in shock

Hopemore Wed 09-Oct-13 23:13:21

yes I got it back but as it as its own carrier bag for travel and storage, I haven't take it out and check. I believe everything is ok and she had it for one week and a half only.

MellowandFruitfulSnazzy Wed 09-Oct-13 23:21:57

OK, so now you have it again, you can just back off a bit from the friendship and let the dust settle. Just do the kids' get togethers and say you are busy for any suggested meetings of just the two of you.

Hopemore Thu 10-Oct-13 00:14:22

We move in few same circles so I think the kids will have a chance to play without much organised playdate stuff.
O 'own' her a sleep over so I said she can just let me know whenever she needs it. So I will just wait. Not going to ask or offer again.

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