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AIBU and mean or friend is trying to take advantage?

(107 Posts)
Hopemore Thu 03-Oct-13 21:48:08

Sorry if this will be long and boring, I will try and do my best to explain the situation.

I am friends with "Betty" for a long time now and so are our kids. We constantly pass second hand stuff to each other, anything really, be it for the kids, ourselves, household...we usually check with each other first before offering to someone else or charity shop.

One day Betty came to my house and asked to buy a specific item that I had bought brand new for business use but no longer needed anymore. The item is in mint condition. I let her take it to her home so she could show to her husband and try at hers, even though she had tried at mine may times before. I said to her I couldn't price it at that point as I wasn't even thinking of selling it now and I needed to check on eBay how much the item is selling for.

So she took it home and 4 days later, in replying to my txt regarding other subject, she said that they decided to buy the product and asking me about my price, but she had just seen a similar one (not in great condition like mine and an old version too) at a charity shop going for £6, so she was just giving me an idea...

I than checked on eBay and saw that there is none like mine for sale (mine has an extra useful bit), but there is the old version going for £30+. I bought it brand new for £65.

So I texted her and said that my price was £30. And that I knew a neighbour who could sell one of the old ones for £25. She than txt me back saying that she is better go and check if the charity shop one is still there available and I suggested she give them a call and ask them to hold it for her (as she was working).

Anyway, no more communication since and she still using my item, never paid anything and doesn't really bother me as I don't need it nor need the money.

However we usually meet every Thursday with another friend, usually in my home, I couldn't hosted today but the other friend said that Betty invited her to go to her house...
And I was not invited...
So now I am wondering if she is angry with me because I am not selling the item for £6 or even giving it to her for free, or if she is only avoiding me because she doesn't want to pay for the item?

Am I being mean and selfish after all?

Squitten Fri 04-Oct-13 08:22:47

Why on earth extend the drama? It's stupid. If you want it back, tell her you want it back. You don't have to explain yourself.

Jux Fri 04-Oct-13 09:04:47

TBH, if you know the time they're meeting at her house, then I'd go round then, and say that I was in the area and was knocking on the off-chance she was in. Then ask for the chair - as you're there. She only wanted it to look at after all, and you know someone who really needs it.

Hopemore Fri 04-Oct-13 10:18:53

Met Betty this morning, totally unplanned and out of the blue, this almost never happens.
Anyway, we talked about various subjects for 25 minutes and she never brought the subject in the conversation neither didn't I.

I just couldn't, I feel mean and wrong, since I don't use the high chair and the money won't change my life.

I'm just gonna let it go.

I just don't understand because I would think she would just ask for free or to borrow, but asking to buy but not to pay because she doesn't agree with the price and not to give the item back .....well this is something new for me.

But I guess I shouldn't judge or begrudge, it's just not worth it.

gamerchick Fri 04-Oct-13 10:27:10

She's trying it on because you usually give each other stuff she's pushing the boundary a bit. Go and get it back.

I dumped 2 friends a few months ago after they started to take the piss out of my good nature. They wanted loads if stuff for free just because I wasn't using it.

SaucyJack Fri 04-Oct-13 10:28:03

You've got no right to "judge or begrudge" if you won't ask for it back now she's had a chance to test it IMO.

I think you're being a bit weird.

Hopemore Fri 04-Oct-13 10:33:47

Yep I have been a bit weird for 36 years.

flipchart Fri 04-Oct-13 11:02:35


Why can't you say 'Hey Betty, about the high chair, I'll come round later and pick it up. What time is best?'

Hopemore Fri 04-Oct-13 11:17:18

Because I feel wrong and mean. I don't need the high chair nor the money. I wasn't even thinking about selling it.
I even think if she asked to borrow I would happily agree.
But what's bothering me is that she asked to buy and asked my price and now is pretending this never happened.
But I guess this is her issue.
I posted here to check if I was being wrong in giving a price I think it's fair when a friend asked to buy an item.
But I can have peace of mind if mumsnetters agree that I wasn't being U by doing that.
If she is being U, I will just let her be and let life teach her a lesson sooner or later.
I'm not bothered really, just checking my own judgements.

flipchart Fri 04-Oct-13 11:19:45

Because I feel wrong and mean. I don't need the high chair nor the money
But that's not the point!!

You wouldn't go to her house and just take stuff that she may not use anymore. Nobody would!
So why be a door mat?
Keep it light and bright and get your stuff back.
You will feel tons better that you have been assertive.
There is no need for a fall out, you are just reclaiming your belongings.

flipchart Fri 04-Oct-13 11:22:11

And if you are going to sell it to her you just say 'Hey Betty, that highchair, did you decide if you were going to buy it or not?'

If she says yes you say ' Oh great, I was thinking of £xxx .
If she says no you say ' No problem, I'll pick it up on.....whenever.

and everyone carries on with their lives.

Hopemore Fri 04-Oct-13 11:26:31

I'm not usually a chicken like that, honestly this is such a surreal situation that I am lost, hence posting here.

flipchart Fri 04-Oct-13 11:33:21

Then like I said, keep it light and friendly, keep smiling!

And keep thinking,' I wouldn't go into her house and claim something so why should she!'

JoinYourPlayfellows Fri 04-Oct-13 11:37:49

You are a mug and she is not really your friend.

bundaberg Fri 04-Oct-13 11:38:20

the thing is, if you let this go what happens next time she decides to do it?

i really agree with the others, send her a text asking if she decided whether she wants it or not. see what she says... it's easily worth £30! I have the me too which is the basic version and even that goes for around £25 on ebay!
it doesn't matter whether you need the money, it's YOURS anyway. you could treat your kids with that or sometjhing

gamerchick Fri 04-Oct-13 11:43:35

Look at another way. She wanted that highchair so she's taken it whether you like it or not and now she's going to avoid you until you just write it off... and you will because it's more trouble than its worth and you'll fear looking like a knob because she's using it now.

Don't look at it like that.. you have to make a stand now or the next time she'll push the boundary even further.

Hopemore Fri 04-Oct-13 11:44:02

I'm not a mug. I want to think she is my friend.
Anyway, the OTHER friend is coming round today. She was here when Betty asked to buy the item and she knows the situation, she thinks Betty is being U and she didn't go to Betty's house yesterday either (but nothing to do with the situation, she wasn't feeling well)
We will have a chat and I will post here later.

Chippednailvarnish Fri 04-Oct-13 11:44:11

Frankly you sound a bit of a mug. And she knows it.

Hopemore Fri 04-Oct-13 11:45:01

oh no it won't happen again, not with her anyway.

sparkle12mar08 Fri 04-Oct-13 11:46:37

You are a mug and she is walking all over you because you are letting her. You are worth more than that, a true friend respects you as well, she quite clearly does not. You could resolve this within a one minute phone call yet you seem unwilling to do so?

Hopemore Fri 04-Oct-13 11:47:08

what is a mug anyway?

BrianTheMole Fri 04-Oct-13 11:51:48

Send her a txt saying, sorry I forgot to ask you about the highchair. Have you decided what you want to do about it yet? I'm happy to take it back and put it on ebay if you want to get yourself the cheaper one instead.

sparkle12mar08 Fri 04-Oct-13 11:56:52

What is a mug? Are you actually serious?

SPBisResisting Fri 04-Oct-13 12:01:18

Guessing op is a childminder

bundaberg Fri 04-Oct-13 12:18:52

don't be mean to the OP! I am guessing that English is her second language? she said she'd been to visit her home country.

anyway, a mug is someone who is taken advantage of!

LoisEinhorn Fri 04-Oct-13 13:08:49

If you don't want it or need the money, donate it to a refuge, or sell it and donate the money. Don't carry on being taken advantage of.

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