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"I'll bring you those quite nice pale blue m&s jeans that are too big for me now"

(31 Posts)
LadyBigtoes Thu 03-Oct-13 18:02:29

From an email from my mum who is visiting on Sunday.

I'm so hyper-sensitised to her constant little digs and judgypants and underhand remarks about my weight, my parenting, dp whatever that I can't even think straight to know whether IABU to find this annoying.

So am I, and if so can anyone think of a polite but firm reply that will not result in her arguing and trying to force me into accepting them.

Apart from the fact that she's a somewhat non-stylish 75 and I don't share her taste in trousers, she is always trying to give me stuff as a way of trying to put me in a position where I have to be grateful and she can convince herself we get on.

Long backstory and i dont want to out myself but think stately homes writ large. I can barely tolerate her and i don't know how to reply to stuff like this without getting angry. (if I do get even slightly emotional she thrives on it and turns it into a massive drama so I have to tread carefully).

I'm genuinely prepared to be told IABU. I just feel so worn down.

ElbowPrincess Thu 03-Oct-13 18:03:48

Just reply "thanks but no thanks". it really is that easy. smile

YouTheCat Thu 03-Oct-13 18:04:54

A polite 'no thanks, I'm okay for trousers' and then ignore the old bat.

FlapJackOLantern Thu 03-Oct-13 18:05:07

Just take them, hold them up and say "Yuk, no way would I wear those in a million years." Smile, and hand them back.

vitaminC Thu 03-Oct-13 18:07:09

I'd just say "no thanks, they're not really my style", then move on to another topic. That way she'll be the one who looks ridiculous if she tries to bring it up again!

I do sympathise, however, as my own mother is exactly the same sad

MaBumble Thu 03-Oct-13 18:07:14

Just reply - no thanks, they're just not my style. Must be a generational thing I guess smile

BadCopNoDonut Thu 03-Oct-13 18:08:57

Go with Flaps suggestion!

SatinSandals Thu 03-Oct-13 18:09:22

It is just as EP says, just say 'thanks for thinking of me but no thanks' and there is no need to explain, justify enlarge any further. If she presses it just look mystified and say 'no thanks' and change the subject. Same with all the digs, smile, nod and change the subject. If you can't ignore you could try the very polite, non confrontational 'did you mean to be so rude?'

LadyBigtoes Thu 03-Oct-13 18:11:55

Thanks, you are all right, this is what I need.

I love yours flaps! but that way lies a big emotional scene which I can't face.

LadyBigtoes Thu 03-Oct-13 18:12:45

Sorry just noticed you aren't actually called flaps blush

YouTheCat Thu 03-Oct-13 18:13:10

Give her a huge wherthers original to chew so she can't speak to argue. grin

LadyBigtoes Thu 03-Oct-13 18:18:15

Youthecat grin but she's watching her weight! hmm

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Thu 03-Oct-13 18:20:10

I feel your pain OP and if my sister posts on here she would too. My mother says some awful, insensitive things about both mine and my sister's weight. and she's got a fucking nerve but that's another thread

Just say thanks but no thanks. If she brings them anyway (I have a hunch she will) I'd do as FlapJack suggested.

HavantGuard Thu 03-Oct-13 18:20:21

'They're lovely but too old for me' is a perfectly reasonable response.

Dawndonnaagain Thu 03-Oct-13 18:28:52

You poor thing, I know how you feel. My mother spent the whole of Sunday afternoon telling anyone who would listen about how concerned she was with Dawndonna's weight gain. It was really funny, because every last man jack of them told her 1) She's given up smoking and 2) she's on steroids for her colitis. If she were actually speaking to me, I'd have told her I'd already spoken to folk. Actually I wouldn't, but I'm a bitch!
Just hand them back and say 'Oh, I'm sure I said No to these before, I'm sure the charity shop in town would be glad of them, though.'

LadyBigtoes Thu 03-Oct-13 18:40:55

She isn't actually any smaller than me either, though that's beside the point because it's still rude to comment. We're both 14/16 and I'm a few inches taller.

Like you Dawndonna it is always expressed as "concern". She was terribly "concerned" that I was "just too heavy" when pg. She is also frequently "concerned" that there is something "wrong" with my children because DS is shy and DD is stroppy. DD is 3!

LadyBigtoes Thu 03-Oct-13 18:41:48

thanks for replying to me in my moment of mum woe and also for those of you who have a similar one.

pumpingprincess Thu 03-Oct-13 18:46:14

My mum did exactly this on Sunday only it was with white trousers. She brings me stuff saying "these are too big for me now so I brought them for you". Thanks mum. Nice way of having a dig.

Anyway, nothing useful to add other than - Bitch!

ivykaty44 Thu 03-Oct-13 18:48:11

email back and say thanks for the offer but I really am not keen on that type of look

DoJo Thu 03-Oct-13 19:50:44

'Please don't' - contains all the necessaries to be 'polite' but leaves her in no doubt as to your feelings.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 03-Oct-13 20:35:41

If not ElbowPrincess and YouTheCat's replies, I would say

"No thanks they'll be too short in the leg, mum"

meaning I am taller than you, am more lissome than you, have lovely long legs compared to you but is factual without being combative.

bigbrick Thu 03-Oct-13 20:37:54

Be ready with your charity bag and thank her for this donation.

SaucyJack Thu 03-Oct-13 20:43:50

Thank her sweetly and tell her they'll be perfect to wear when you're doing the gardening.

Tryharder Thu 03-Oct-13 20:49:20

Just say thanks and put them in the charity bag or eBay them.

WhiteAdmiral Thu 03-Oct-13 20:52:23

I think a well place 'Miaow' works well to a bitchy comment like that

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