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DD living in sh1thole - of her making

(132 Posts)
MessedupMommy Wed 02-Oct-13 21:14:40

Ok, its not my home, I get that.

Problem - its filthy, smelly, flea ridden and is also home to my 8m old grandson! If I say anything she gets in a strop. I helped her tidy most of it a few weeks ago but next time I visited it was getting as bad again. I'm worried the social will come around (she has pnd) and do something. The little one is dirty and has no clean clothes. She doesn't work (neither does her fella) and hardy ever gets out of her onsie. She's loads of time to keep a lovely house or even a clean but untidy house but says shes too tired. The baby is amazing and sleeps 14 hours a night! I don't know what to do!

CaptainSweatPants Wed 02-Oct-13 21:16:15

Flea ridden sad could she be depressed?
could they come & live with you ?

TotemPole Wed 02-Oct-13 21:20:21

Can you visit more often to help her keep on top of it? Has she been to the GP to get help with her PND?

bigknickersforthepicker Wed 02-Oct-13 21:21:00

Sounds like she needs social services help tbh.

Either that or she needs to live with you!

jammiedonut Wed 02-Oct-13 21:21:12

She has pnd...sounds like she could do with a bit more support. Is there a reason her partner isn't working and seemingly pulling his weight?

dementedma Wed 02-Oct-13 21:22:23

If the little one is dirty and uncared for report her to social services. He deserves better and she needs help

TotemPole Wed 02-Oct-13 21:22:56

Social services could put her in touch with the sure start home helpers. Sorry I can't remember what it's called, home start maybe?

DragonsAreReal Wed 02-Oct-13 21:23:23

What can you do to help your daughter?

VoodooHexDoll Wed 02-Oct-13 21:25:17

You need to take her to the gp to sort out the PND first then take one thing at a time.

1) careing for ds
2) careing for herself
3) housework

She will need medication, counciling and support without judgement from you.

Baby living in a "filthy, smelly, flea ridden" home, "dirty" herself and "no clean clothes"?

You should know exactly what to do. Call ss yourself and ask them to pay a visit.

usualsuspect Wed 02-Oct-13 21:25:35

I think you need to help and support your daughter.

AnyFucker Wed 02-Oct-13 21:25:52

People who are genuinely depressed don't have "loads of time" to clean a house. hmm If the baby is neglected she needs real, professional help which may involve Social Services assisting in keeping him with his mother.

Is she getting treatment for the PND ?

CoffeeTea103 Wed 02-Oct-13 21:27:00

Call ss, if anything for the child who is doesn't deserve to live under these conditions.

AnyFucker Wed 02-Oct-13 21:27:22

What is her "fella" doing to look after his child and keep his house habitable ? Do you consider it only her job to do that ? Is he supporting your dd with her illness ?

Salmotrutta Wed 02-Oct-13 21:28:10

Do you work OP?

If not, could you nip round every couple of days to help her a bit at a time? And I mean help - not just do everything for her. And get the partner involved - I'm assuming he doesn't have PND hmm

And how would she respond?

FortyDoorsToNowhere Wed 02-Oct-13 21:31:08

Call SS.

I know it's a hard call to make but your 8 month grandson needs are paramount.

He is being neglected.

VoodooHexDoll Wed 02-Oct-13 21:32:11

PND is an illness please have a look on the mental health board to read about it from someone who has been thru it and then you can understand why the housework hasnt been done. Then sometimes its hard to even get out of bed and the mother feels like killing herself or the baby.

Your dd needs help.

froken Wed 02-Oct-13 21:33:10

Oh dear tge fleas don't sound good at all sad

Was she like this before her ds was born? I have alwaysbeen terrible at house work but now I have a 9 month old baby I make sure that I do a wash load( at least) a day, hoover once every other day, dishwasher load once a day and tidy up ds's toys once he goes to bed. My home would be described as lived in by a kind person and messy but baby safe by an honest person.

Does she have a washing machine/dishwasher? They make such a difference.

Have you spoken to her about the basic standards of cleanliness like no small objects on the floor that her ds could choke on, the baby needs clean/dry clothes but it doesn't matter if they are scruffy and not ironed.

Is her house safe for a small child in terms of safety gates and bookshelves being screwed to the wall? I think you can get some help if you are struggling to make your home safe.

Is her ds crawling?

My advice is aim low. Start by trying to encourage her to keep her home safe and her and her ds clean. Does her ds like baths? I give ds 2 baths a day because it is an easy way to entertain him and I can shower at tge same time. Maybe you could pick up some cheap bath toys to help make bath time more fun if your dd is struggling to clean the baby often.

Best of luck!

Alisvolatpropiis Wed 02-Oct-13 21:33:33

Why isn't her partner helping out?

Salmotrutta Wed 02-Oct-13 21:35:03

I meant how would she respond to you gently prodding her and her partner.

Even if you could help her (and him) do one/two things per visit like dishes, stick a washing on, Hoover a room or something?

And I do know how horrible depression is, really I do, but even achieving a small task or two might help set a bit of a routine?

mumthetaxidriver Wed 02-Oct-13 21:37:09

Is your daugher getting support for her PND? She doesnt sound like she is coping. Could you use the fleas as an excuse to get her to come and stay with you for a bit. If her Partner isnt much help she may really need you yet be struggling to admit it. You sound like you really care - hopefully they you can avoid the need to involve SS.

usualsuspect Wed 02-Oct-13 21:40:30

I think you need to make sure she is getting medical help for her pnd.

Salmo makes some good suggestions as to how you can help her.

Roshbegosh Wed 02-Oct-13 21:41:46

Don't let her move in with you as some posters have suggested. They will drive you mad, especially her DP on his arse. Could you persuade her to get help from the GP and then give them a period of time where you help out quite a bit but then if nothing improves you have no choice than to involve SS.

usualsuspect Wed 02-Oct-13 21:46:49

I'd have them move in with me rather than involve SS.

HildaOgden Wed 02-Oct-13 21:51:58

If she won't listen to you,and isn't getting help from anywhere else to properly treat her pnd,then maybe it is for the best that social services become involved.

How many times have we all seen reports of neglected children (and being in a dirty,flea ridden home would certainly fit that)?They were all somebody's grandchild too.

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