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AIBU?

To think double barrelling DC's names is a bit selfish and is storing up trouble?

80 replies

grobagsforever · 02/10/2013 20:28

So couple has child. Couple not married. DC gets double barrelled name. Or couple marry, couple double barrel their name (or just woman does) and DC get that name. What are DC supposed to do when they have DC? Quadruple barrel perhaps? It's madness. Personally I am also aginist the father's name being taken as the default, very sexist and patriarchal. IMHO girls should get the mother's name and boys the father's. That way no names die out.

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slightlysoupstained · 02/10/2013 20:31

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spanish_naming_customs

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moustachio · 02/10/2013 20:32

I think in lots of European countries (Italy for sure) the kids take the fathers name but the mother keeps hers. So she'd be Miss Smith and then Mrs Smith. That's what I'm planning on doing, although I'm a bit sad I won't have the same surname as DS, my name is important to me.

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Osmiornica · 02/10/2013 20:33

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grobagsforever · 02/10/2013 20:34

Well yes, but how? They'd have to chop off part of their own surnames and 'favour' the GM or GF's name.

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Rollermum · 02/10/2013 20:35

I can see what you mean about the child needing to possibly address changing their name in future - though not all will need or want to.

But for me it was a way of giving DC both our names, which was important to me at this stage. We are married, have kept own names and DD has double barrel surname. If she were to marry it would be up to her to do what she likes.

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SpiritOfTheBuskersCat · 02/10/2013 20:35

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CaterpillarCara · 02/10/2013 20:35

Yawn. Honestly, this comes up so often. Name your children as you wish. They will name theirs as they wish. Leave everyone else to themselves - they will probably have good family / political / personal / cultural reasons for making the choices they do.

If you want to learn about those reasons, rather than just call them mad, then there is a Baby Naming section on here.

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HangingGardenofBabbysBum · 02/10/2013 20:39

It used to be a sign of illegitimacy, then as a sign of two 'important' families merging, thus a vaguely upper class thing.

Now you can't move for double barrels and it strikes me as silly and try-hard. Especially as many are coupled with double barrelled first names.

Those poor mums sewing in the names...

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RoadToTuapeka · 02/10/2013 20:39

OP I have wondered that myself! I have a double barrelled surname myself but it goes back a way (ie not my parents joining their names), and it's a pain! I usually use half of it but on 'official' stuff I use the full name. Half the time I turn up to appointments and have forgotten which name I registered as.

My children have my DH's surname but each has a part of my surname as a middle name.

Maybe if two double barrelled people got together they could combine in any form with the 4 names? Could be endless permutations!

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NiceTabard · 02/10/2013 20:39

I married someone with a double-barrelled name. It is a PITA to write the whole bloody thing out but other than that, what's the problem? I could have kept my surname, I chose to have his (which was a surprise to lots of people, especially me!).

I think you have to be a bit unimaginative to see the existence of double-barrelled names as a terrible burden on the young people of today

(And anyway people have had double-barrelled names for yonks. Read any PG Wodehouse?)

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DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 02/10/2013 20:41

YABU what an odd thing to care about

DD has her dad's surname, as does DS. It goes better with the first and middle names we picked and I hate my surname anyway. That said, I bagsyed choosing the middle names for both (they're family names from my side) and I think that's fair not that I really cared about them having their dad's surname.

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NiceTabard · 02/10/2013 20:42

Ooh I like this

"IMHO girls should get the mother's name and boys the father's. That way no names die out."

Assuming that everyone who has children has a nice selection of sexes. It's as bad as medieval times. You have to KEEP having babies until you have at least one of each otherwise the name will DIE

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grobagsforever · 02/10/2013 20:43

But what do you expect your DD to do rollermum? To retain her name and merge it with her DH's, which is what you had the luxury of doing, she'd have to triple barrel. So she won't get the same choice. It's just seems very short termist to me.

To others, I am minding my own business by posting about it on anonymous forum rather than asking my friends why they have done this. If my topics bores or irritates you the don't read it.

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CaterpillarCara · 02/10/2013 20:43

I don't have the same surname as my kids. I quite like that they have the same surname as each other though.

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CaterpillarCara · 02/10/2013 20:45

I think the topic is very interesting. I don't like the "it's madness", "its selfish and is storing up trouble" tone - that is hardly the tone you take when you are open to new ideas!

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BrianTheMole · 02/10/2013 20:45

Oh dear. I must be a bit selfish and storing up trouble for my dc then. Never mind, I'm sure they'll get over it.

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grobagsforever · 02/10/2013 20:47

Ok caterpillar you got me there, I was being a bit inflammatory to attract the AIBU hoards. Selfish no, short termist, yes.

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JerseySpud · 02/10/2013 20:48

I married a man with a triple barrel surname

Funnily enough i didn't add my name to it.

And our DD's have a double barrel surname. I thought it was cruel to give them triple.

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NiceTabard · 02/10/2013 20:49

I don't think my in-laws were being selfish and storing up trouble

There has been the sum total of zero trouble amongst his brothers and sisters when they got married.

They had an excellent reason for double-barrelling as well

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grobagsforever · 02/10/2013 20:49

Jersey, very pragmatic. Trim one name a generation! Maybe we should do away with surnames entirely....

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grobagsforever · 02/10/2013 20:50

So what did they do nicetabbard?

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littlemissnormal · 02/10/2013 20:51

I have a double-barrelled surname which is inherited from way down my paternal line.

When I was growing up it absolutely did my head in. All I've ever done is explain it to people in the past.

Now though I love it, but all 3 DCs have their dad's name and I am reluctant to let mine go as I am the end of our line now!

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thistlelicker · 02/10/2013 20:51

My friend double barrelled her dd name, she is an only child and female, so her family name dies when she gets married, she gave her dd the double barrel so she has then the option to carry on that name if she chooses, provided she doesn't have a son ! And she isn't married either if that makes a difference

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PeppiNephrine · 02/10/2013 20:51

Talk about finding things to get worked up about. Very few people double barrel. But they have been doing it for a long time and have you ever met anyone with 4 or 6 surnames? And if you did, what the hell difference would it make to you anyway?
I'm really struggling to see how anyone could possibly care about this.

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tallulah · 02/10/2013 20:51

YABVU. We are married. We have 5 DC and all 7 of us have the same db name. DCs 1 -4 are adults, and shock horror, are all perfectly capable of deciding for themselves what they want to do.

Whatever they choose, I think I'm more grown-up than my PIL and will accept the name they want (be it our name(s), their spouses name(s) or any combination thereof) and call them by that name. Not decide they are turning their back on the family by deciding to do something different and deliberately call them what I think they should be called...