Advanced search

to be utterly ashamed.

(78 Posts)
bigknickersforthepicker Wed 02-Oct-13 16:55:30

I have been off fb for a long time. I didn't find it 'good' for me.

I was small before I had my beautiful daughter. A perfect size ten. I worked hard at keeping my body in shape. When I got pregnant I got serious case of the fuckits.

a few nights ago i spotted photos on dp Facebook of myself from nights out with friends over the past year. I look awful. I was so shocked I went to bed sobbing. My dc is a fully fledged toddler and i have been ignorant of my out of shape. . unhealthy. .unfit size 14-16 ..mostly 16 size.

I am disappointed in myself.

I get married in less than ten weeks and distraught that my once size ten figure will be wearing a size 18 (big boobs!) wedding dress. With such little . time there is no rectifying this.

I am so utterly ashamed. I hate how I look and sone reflection upon being faced with how bad this is has made me realise this is affecting alotm my confidence. . my life in general. I don't want tobe this for my ddaughter. She needs a role model.

aibu to feel this upset and pathetic. Worse things happen at sea..

Thants Wed 02-Oct-13 18:02:03

Please do not be ashamed of yourself. Your body is not bad in at way it is simply different. How you look physically is of so little importance yet as women we are constantly judged on our appearance above all else.
Please focus harder on other parts of your life, your friends, family, work, education, hobbies. Take up volunteering! Writing! Music! These things can help you see your worth as more than the way you look. And no more mags and gazing in the mirror!

Sparklyblue Wed 02-Oct-13 18:02:56

Don't shoot me down everyone. But have you thought of the Cambridge weight plan, Op.
I lost 50lbs in 11 weeks for my wedding. It isn't a quick fix. When I came back from my honeymoon I started Slimming World to get the last bit of weight off sensibly.
I only suggest this as you seem so desparate.

bigknickersforthepicker Wed 02-Oct-13 18:08:07

im torn between desperate and wanting to level headed enough not to do radical diets like Cambridge for my own health and I don't want that around my daughter (sorry if that offends!

Also I work 60 hr weeks and still enjoy moderate exercise so I don't think id physically survive!

SugarHut Wed 02-Oct-13 18:14:41

This will not be popular, but if you want something that really speeds you along your way, you need to do the following. And I have the sweetest tooth on the planet too, and I can do this.

Massive reduction in calories. Keep yourself full other ways.

1) Sugarfree Redbull is your best friend. Essentially no kcals, increases metabolism, nice and sweet, and fills you up. When I'm dieting I have 3-4 cans of the stuff a day.

2) Slim Pasta. Lunch and Dinner. A massive packet is 14kcals. Yes you read that right. Chuck in a yummy tomato based sauce and you're looking at about 100kcals the lot. So that's your 2 main meals for 200kcals. If you want, chuck a few prawns in, or some mixed veg.

3) Hartleys Jellys. Under 10 kcals each and yummy and surprisingly filling. Have a couple per day when you get peckish.

So, 4 red bulls (or cheap alternative redbull) 2 pasta meals, 2 jellies and you're at 220kcal. That's 2/3 of a kitkat chunky. I'm already small to start with so technically it should take me a more effort to lose weight as I do not have a lot to spare. On 1200kcal a day, it falls off me. What I've given you there is basically 2 main meals, 2 desserts, and 1000kcal a day to play with too!! Oh, Options hot choc is great at 40kcal a time. Take multivitamins every day too.

I promise, you cut the kcals, it will melt off you. If you're exercising too, even faster.

I don't need flaming for this, I'm not suggesting this as a life long diet. If the OP wants results, fast, that will actually work in a very hard core way, this is what I do.

BucketsnSpades Wed 02-Oct-13 18:22:17

Do you get enough sleep? I always get sugar cravings when I'm tired and 60 hours a week at work is a lot when you've got a DD and a wedding on.

shewhowines Wed 02-Oct-13 18:23:07

It doesnt have to be a drastic diet. 10 weeks is long enough to lose 10 -20 lbs healthily. Your wedding is a pretty good incentive. Why not try?

Having said that, I agree that you don't need to be stick thin to feel good about yourself. Exercise, yes, but to be healthy. Eat to be healthy. You can be bigger and healthy and you can be thin and unhealthy. Everything in moderation.

thehorridestmumintheworld Wed 02-Oct-13 18:37:52

I'd love to be size 16 with big boobs ;)yes you can shape up in time for the wedding but remember to keep it all in perspective.

BigKidsMadeMeDoIt Wed 02-Oct-13 19:14:43

i'm in a similar position to you OP. I get married in 6 weeks and i'm a size 16. I know that I won't be thin by my wedding day but i'm trying to lose at least a bit before then.
I've cut out alcohol and all snacks and I've bought a cross-training machine, which is quite an investment but I don't have a car and couldn't get to the gym.
i'm hoping that 8-10lbs is not out of the question by then.
ok, you might not be back to your pre-pregnancy size by your wedding but you absolutely CAN lose some weight by then and you'll feel better in yourself and more confident on the day if you have. just remember that anything is better than nothing.
best of luck.

bigknickersforthepicker Wed 02-Oct-13 19:17:31

bucketnspades did you miss the bit were I said I had a toddler ? wink ah sleep.

sugarhut as ashamed as I am to admit this given the nature of thread. . im actually nutritionally trained.. I'm sure you know what your doing is absolutely awful for your health. . Please don't do it too much! Consider juicing instead of diet power drinks atleast?

Right. I have a really shit two days of work ahead, im going to 'plan' my plan of action. and start asap.

I feel so far removed from the person I used to be. .. .I need to learn how to do my hair and makeup again. This dishevelled overworked sleep deprived sugar rushed look is not helping my confidence.

when I think back to pre baby I was so content with my looks. confident and happy. Genuinely.

bigknickersforthepicker Wed 02-Oct-13 19:18:30

bigkidsmademedolt congratulations! im pooping myself. . how about you? lol

BucketsnSpades Wed 02-Oct-13 19:58:32

I have a toddler too, many nights she goes to bed at 7pm, I go at 7:30pm. I cannot function without sleep and when she was a baby I lived on sugar and caffeine and only started to lose any baby weight when she started sleeping through the night.

Anyway, can you just focus on doing really positive things in the run up to your wedding. Lay down some best bride rules such as:

1) drink a full glass of water each morning before doing anything else,
2) use a body brush before every shower or bath to boost circulation,
3) moisturise face and body after every shower or bath,
4) eat a full hearty breakfast every day, porridge or eggs and toast
5) have seeds, nuts, grapes and tangerines at the ready for snack times
6) do facemasks and manicures every week
7) stop the negative self talk, yes you can do it, yes you are beautiful, yes you work damn hard, yes you are a good mum, think of things to add to that list and say those things to yourself instead
8) get eight hours sleep, at least two before midnight

These types of things will have far more effect than a crash diet. If anything eat more protein, more vitamin e rich foods, more fruit and veg and antioxidants.

bigknickersforthepicker Wed 02-Oct-13 20:09:13

Unfortunately (without revealing myself) evening routines and set bedtimes are not somthing we can do here.. (I promise for a very real reason and not because she rules the roost!) but she does go to bed okay. I do get 8 hrs but she is a 3am wake and cuddle which I have no problem with but does disturb my sleep. Ive always needed 10-12 hrs to function at my best. . sounds excessive but its true. I probably get 7-8. but have never fully adjusted. .I just cope!

btw.. I really appreciate everyone's help so far. I don't feel I can speak to anyone irl..since its rare to receive helpful practical advice because everyone's stock answer to these things seem to be 'don't be silly. .your fine how you are' before quickly changing subject to avoid awkwardness. - ive witnessed this a lot!

BigKidsMadeMeDoIt Wed 02-Oct-13 20:09:21

bigknickers I feel remarkably calm about it all. i'm just really excited about seeing all the people I know in one place at the same time smile

bigknickersforthepicker Wed 02-Oct-13 20:18:17

That's so lovely! we are eloping one knows! im so nervous but can't wait to have such a special memory just us three!

bit silly me worrying about weight when no ones gonna be there to see but I would be devastated if I hated the photos and overall its hindering my life by making me so miserable. .so I want it off long term x

Beastofburden Wed 02-Oct-13 21:01:32

Thing is, if you are nutritionally trained and do exercise you already have all the knowledge you need to do this.

We need to get you past the shame, because that is what is stopping you- you can't bear to do it, as it admits that you need to do it.

Fat is not really a moral issue. It is a common phase that new mothers go through with demanding children. Being fat is far, far less shameful than behaving badly or cruelly.

The wedding is going to be fairly private if you elope, so keep it that way and don't fuss about what you weigh. Make it about the experience instead. When you get back, agree some time for you and a way to get more rest. And a one-year plan to get yourself fit again.

bigknickersforthepicker Wed 02-Oct-13 21:24:30

beastofburden .. you are right. Its not that I don't know how. . its the habits and issues that have evolved since having dd that I struggle to control. . but to actually loose weight I do know how.

I feel so ashamed. And yet I know the only person in my way is me. My head has bin in the sand too long.

Rowlers Wed 02-Oct-13 21:34:15

My big tip would be, as another poster mentioned, download My Fitness Pal.
I used it for a couple of weeks, just to get me started and found it really helpful.
It made me be more honest about what I actually eat and it spured me on to eat less calorific foods.
I've been eating lots of salads which have filled me up completely and been very tasty.
I still have a few treats here and there but compensate elsewhere.
No alcohol! So many calories ....
I have, for a long time, felt quite ashamed of my post-babies body.
I am starting to see the old figure underneath. Starting ....

Beastofburden Wed 02-Oct-13 21:51:49

Ashamed? Would you despise a client in the same position?

It doesn't matter, you know. Not really. It's not as if you have done anything wrong.

Once you have enough sleep and time for you, deal with it, if it will make you happy. But don't wait to be happy until you have dealt with it. Enjoy your lovely family and your successful relationship, and have some fun.


Please don't be so hard on yourself OP (((stealth hug)))

If you decide to go for the weight loss, I can recommend 7lbs in 7 days to give you a head start. I started at size 12-14 and ended up a small 10 in a fortnight (did use recommended meal plans in the second week).

I really hope you start feeling more positive - you will be gorgeous on your wedding day and I have no doubt that your DD will be so proud of you. I wish you all the best. thanks

noddingoff Wed 02-Oct-13 22:32:55

I think kickstarting now is a good thing but if you still don't feel happy about how the photos will look on the day, don't get any taken or at least don't use them as your mantelpiece photos. Wait a couple of months after the wedding till you're happy then get some professional photos taken - get the dress taken in for them or wear something else fab, and make sure these photos are the ones on your wall, plastered over FB etc

Fozziebearmum2be Thu 03-Oct-13 07:55:54

Another vote for my fitness pal :-)

Although I know about foods (not trained at all, but do know good/bad foods etc) I found my fitness pal to enable me to understand portion sizes better and get it into my brain that If I have this piece bar of chocolate then that's fine, but it will mean there's not enough calories for a filling meal later etc.

There are no restrictions - which you get with diets often, you eat exactly what you want and the ap helps you count your food intake.

I lost almost 3 stone a few years ago and used my fitness pal last year to get off the final 10lbs pre wedding. Have also used it to maintain my weight - although....v pregnant now so not using at the mo smile

Another tip is to find an exercise you enjoy. I hate gyms...or running or practically anything high impact. But, LOVE swimming, and although people often say it's not enough exercise it worked for me, I went x3 times a week religiously and loved it.

DeepPurple Thu 03-Oct-13 08:04:59

I'm similar to you in that I didn't realise how I look before seeing awful pictures.

Your soon to be DH obviously loves you the way you are or he wouldn't be marrying you!

If loosing a few pounds will make you happier and more confident in your big day then you still have plenty of time to do it!

I have bought a fit bit to monitor my steps everyday. It's amazing how few I do on days I don't go to the gym! I have been combatting this by walking in circles round the house and using the bottom step as a step! It's easy to increase movement that way without going to the gym etc. get a cheap pedometer and give it a go! I've been using it 2 weeks and I've lost 2lb. Not exactly loads but enough to make me feel like I'm getting somewhere!

waterlego Thu 03-Oct-13 08:20:22

What sort of exercise do you do OP? If it's mostly cardio, could you add in some weights work? It won't make much difference to your actual weight but will tone you and you will feel better about your body when it's more taut, even if it remains the same size.

Above all though, I agree with the others. Please try to squash that shame you're feeling; it won't do you any good. Oh, and congratulations and have a lovely wedding smile

Sinful1 Thu 03-Oct-13 08:29:40

Get down the gym, find the guy with sub 12% body far but still got muscle, ask to buy some clen. Jobs a goodun 5 Weeks enough for at least 1 and a bit cycles, lose weight even if your will power sucks.

Just gotta be able to cope with looking like you've got the shakes and a monster head ache for two Weeks straight.

bigknickersforthepicker Thu 03-Oct-13 08:32:12

thank you for the well wishes re wedding!

Im a sporadic runner. . we have a love/hate relationship! I enjoy high Impact boobootcamps and I adore swimming but haven't swam in so long because of work and childcare.
I tend to work out hard for a few months but the exhaustion from work catches up with me and it takes me months to recover and get back into it.

have booked Into tonight's bootcamp so I expect I won't be able to walk over the weekend grin

My able &cole box should arrive today too.

Im trying to repeat to myself -8 weeks IS enough time to do something. . not everything. .but somthing! - I need to see it and believe it.

I need to be held accountable somewhere but the weight loss boards here seem a bit quiet!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now