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To name a baby with mine and ex's name?

(14 Posts)
juniper9 Mon 30-Sep-13 23:46:36

When I was in my late teens / early twenties, I was in a very intense relationship with a bloke who I just assumed I'd spend my life with. We talked about the future and children etc, and I mentioned a girl's name I really liked. We agreed that, if/when we had a daughter, it would be named this name.

As happens, we broke up. It was fairly amicable and we maintained our friendship for a few years, although this has tailed off now he has a long term girlfriend (I suspect he told her too much and has been asked not to contact me- it's his style to over share).

Anyway, I've been with my DP for 5 years and we are due to have a baby any day. In fact, it was due yesterday but who's counting, heh? is there a stressed emoticon? We have agreed upon a few names if the baby is a boy, but we're still struggling with a girl's name.

Would I be totally UR to name it the name I liked all those years ago? Would I be UR to not get permission from exP before I used the name? If I went with the name, would IBU to tell/ not tell DP about the name's history?

I really like the name!

PurpleGirly Mon 30-Sep-13 23:53:08

It's a name you like. Why would you need to contact exp at all? Use it and enjoy it.

thewhitequeen Mon 30-Sep-13 23:53:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoffeeTea103 Mon 30-Sep-13 23:56:40

I think you don't need to get permission from exp, but definitely talk to your dp about it. Think about this, if your dp included something in your lives that had significance with his ex would you be ok? It works both ways.

BlackholesAndRevelations Tue 01-Oct-13 00:01:19

Depends on whether if you called her "the name", you'd be reminded of your ex constantly? No you don't need to ask his permission but I'd avoid it if it brought the past into the present too much.

My ex is now married but I have picked up (from Facebook!) that their "song" is the same as ours was! I don't care one bit (we're both happy and have moved on etc) but I wonder if she knows (I'm guessing not!!)

olgaga Tue 01-Oct-13 00:07:01

I hoestly can't see that it matters if it's a name you have always loved. If she has the name, once it's given to her she'll be the one and only person you will ever associate with it! It'll be HER - iyswim.

squoosh Tue 01-Oct-13 00:09:22

You certainly don't need to ask ex partner's permission, it's got nothing to do with him! Personally though I'd be inclined to look for a name that was fresh and new and didn't have any secrets hovering around it.

I wouldn't be happy to hear that my DP wanted to use a name that had significance for he and his ex. If I found out further down the line it might even make me suspicious that he was harbouring some unresolved romantic feelings.

Sarahplane Tue 01-Oct-13 00:28:06

I think ot depends. Was it yours and your ex's name or was it a name you'd always loved and wanted to use for your first daughter whoever it was with. If it's the second I think thats ok and just explain to your dp that you've always loved that name. Then if it comes up that you'd talked about that name with your ex you can just explain that you also told him how much you've always loved the name and that if you ever had a daughter that would be the name you would choose.

Sarahplane Tue 01-Oct-13 00:29:51

You don't need to ask ex's permission though I don't think. Doing that would just make the name more associated with him instead of just being a name you love.

GangstersLoveToDance Tue 01-Oct-13 00:34:06

I thought you were going to be some nutter who wanted to give a baby your ex's surname :/

A first name that you liked a few years's a non-issue really. Contacting your ex to ask permission would be strange.

TheCatIsUpTheDuff Tue 01-Oct-13 00:48:01

I was in a similar position and decided that it wasn't appropriate to use the name. K is the daydream child that DXP and I imagined; my real life DD is a whole different person and to use K's name felt unfair to DD, DH and DXP.

MammaTJ Tue 01-Oct-13 06:58:21

If I went with the name, would IBU to tell/ not tell DP about the name's history?

And you said your Ex has a habit of oversharing.

This is such a non issue, unless, like Blackholes says, you would be thinking about your ex constantly.

digerd Tue 01-Oct-13 07:10:56

I don't think a first name is anything to do with your ex as the child is not his.

RedHelenB Tue 01-Oct-13 07:34:47

I always knew what i wanted to call my first girl & if I had talked it over with loads of men it wouldn't mean anything cos it's a name I though of. Sounds like your situation is the same, you're over thinking things.

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