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to be pissed off because people keep telling me that my baby is cold.

(78 Posts)
froken Mon 30-Sep-13 10:55:57

Ds is 9 months old. He hates wearing hats/socks and bibs. I have tried to dress him in tights or babygrows, he gets his feet out of the babygrows and he becomes hysterical when he tries to take the tights off and they get stuck.

Today it is 8 degree. Ds is wearing thermal underwear, clothes and a snow suit designed to be sufficient down to -30. ( if anything I'm worried he is too hot) his little bare feet and hands are visible and he has no hat.

7 people have stopped me and told me I should have socks/a hat.

Why are some people such busybodies? I feel terrible every time someone gives me the my poorbaby is freezing lecture. It makes me feel like we should stay at home but ds loves the groups we go to and gets bored easily at home.

Aibu to tell them to mind their own business?

Beastofburden Mon 30-Sep-13 14:39:49

DS2, who is autistic and profoundly LD, once ran away. He was found, stark naked, on the far side of a busy road, by a nurse who thought it was a tad odd to see a tiny boy wait nicely for the green man and cross the road with nothing on at all.

The police who took him away wouldn't give him back to start with until they realised he was 10 and not 4. Meanwhile my only thought was: "if he pisses all over the back of that panda car I will be going to prison".

Does that make you feel better, OP?

randomAXEofkindness Mon 30-Sep-13 14:18:29

DD1 has always been missing some important piece of clothing. She's still naked for most of the day now (she's 4). You're not leaving his shoes off because you're a bad mum. You've considered the advantages/disadvantages to your dd and make a decision. I'm always surprised that people get negative comments off strangers. Nobody has ever said anything to me (3 free range kids, varying degrees of undress, bf in public, in the big bit of the trolley shock and everything). I think I must just look dead 'ard grin.

Just hard-face it out. Some people are genuinely concerned that you're neglecting him, others are just taking whatever opportunities they can to give themselves a psuedo pat on the back. Both kinds are wrong in this instance. I'd just give them a hmm look and carry on.

ThreeMyselfAndI Mon 30-Sep-13 14:14:50

I would not approach you to say anything but I would be like this shock and would judge, sorry I am being honest I dont think it cold enough to warrant hats and gloves just yet but no socks, his wee feet must be freezing and sore. I would think he was inappropriately dressed without socks especially as you have thought it cold enough for a snow suit.

QuintessentialShadows Mon 30-Sep-13 14:09:57

IceBeing - where have I said that the child is "at risk"?

At risk of what??

Please tell me.

GladbagsGold Mon 30-Sep-13 13:58:52

Maybe you should get some socks that have a photo of his feet printed on? Or paint his feet so it looks like he is wearing socks. Or get some elastic and fasten to socks, tie to pushchair, so if he takes them off they are still dangling there proving to the world that you are not the worst mum ever and you do provide socks.

diddl Mon 30-Sep-13 13:58:02

Sorry, when it (the weather) gets cold!

diddl Mon 30-Sep-13 13:57:32

Leaving aside the socks for the moment-he's wearing thermal underwear, clothes & a snowsuit in 8°?

What's he going to wear when he gets cold??

2tiredtocare Mon 30-Sep-13 13:54:00

People in the UK do dare to say things to strangers

nethunsreject Mon 30-Sep-13 13:53:32

Ffs, some of the replies on here are unreal! Yanbu op. So he has bare feet? It's hardly abuse or neglect!

MrsWolowitz Mon 30-Sep-13 13:52:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Beastofburden Mon 30-Sep-13 13:50:10

LOL I was a shoe refuser too and my mum got fed up with hearing the old biddies muttering as she went down the street.

She says what she really wanted was a big badge saying, "YOU TRY".

DS1 was a shoe refuser so I stapped him into one of those woolly sleeping bag jobs. At 21 he still resents this, in fact it's about the only memory he ahs of his early childhood.

KenAdams Mon 30-Sep-13 13:46:24

He won't be able to see his feet in his footmuff either though when it gets a bit colder so what will you do then?

Kormachameleon Mon 30-Sep-13 13:44:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LePamplemousseMousse Mon 30-Sep-13 13:42:19

I think YAB slightly U, as most mums/grannies/general busy bodies would think that a baby needs to have something on his feet at least at that temperature, and I know a lot of people who would say it. I would probably raise an eyebrow (if not say anything as I know how annoying that is).

YANBU about not forcing the socks if you think his feet genuinely aren't cold. If he's not screaming his head off they probably aren't. If you think this is the right thing you may just have to develop a thicker skin about the comments.

Having said that, I just pushed through the sock/tights refusal and made DD keep them on until she got used to them. It didn't take long until they didn't bother her any more, and it was worth it to avoid the drama once she had to get dressed for childcare and I didn't have time to negotiate (and it was too bloody cold to send her out without). I think you might be storing yourself up trouble for when he's older and even more strong willed if you don't just take the bull by the horns now...

campion Mon 30-Sep-13 13:40:51

Would you pander to him if he refused to sit in his car seat/undid his straps constantly?

If it's not cold it doesn't matter.When it's seriously cold it does matter and you're in charge.That saying about it taking a village to raise a child has some validity-unfortunately, in the UK no-one dares say anything.In much of northern Europe people are
less inhibited.Sometimes it's annoying and sometimes it makes you think!

currentbuns Mon 30-Sep-13 13:31:31

This happened to me in Denmark with DD1, two random, cross old Danish ladies stopped & chastised me for the fact that DD wasn't wearing gloves and her poor little hands were turning pink in the cold! They were absolutely right, of course, but DD had tugged her gloves off without me noticing and tossed them away.

MotherofBear Mon 30-Sep-13 13:28:42

I imagine that when it starts getting to be really cold, then the OP will put on her DS's cozytoes. She is talking about people commenting right now, when it isn't so cold.

brightonbythesea Mon 30-Sep-13 13:27:40

It is annoying that people keep saying that to you, however, you should try sock ons. My DD loves to pull her socks off and sock-ons are the only way of stopping her!

IceBeing Mon 30-Sep-13 13:23:43

quint caramel the OP said:

"I feel his hands/feet regularly and they feel warm"

So how exactly is this child at risk?

2tiredtocare Mon 30-Sep-13 13:22:56

My 9 month old DS sock refuser champion. If it was cold I'd stick him in a snowsuit/tights but what bugs me the most is that people have already started commenting on his lack of socks even though its still warm, argh

Jan49 Mon 30-Sep-13 13:05:57

Your ds sounds adorable, OP. LOL @ him thinking his feet have been stolen.grin

Could he have something like a blanket in his pushchair so you can cover his feet a bit when he's not walking and he'd still have his feet bare and free?

MinesAPintOfTea Mon 30-Sep-13 12:56:12

Get a lighter weight cosytoes for autumn (or a grobag with a safety harness) and then his toes won't be exposed.

Or stick him in tights every time you go out until he stops fighting it. You know tights won't do permanent damage so he'll just have to put up with them.

QuintessentialShadows Mon 30-Sep-13 12:54:49

Op is in Sweden though.

Is she going to let her baby sit through a snow storm with bare feet?

WorkingItOutAsIGo Mon 30-Sep-13 12:54:34

you know what, your job as a parent is to do the thing your DC need, not what they want. Have no idea whether your DS needs socks right now, but wanted to say you are going to have to woman up a little bit and accept you will need to do things he doesn't want in his life because you are a parent and know better. Just get the sense you might be struggling with the conflict of upsetting him...sometimes we just have to.

This is about more than socks!

caramelwaffle Mon 30-Sep-13 12:45:09


The difference is frostbite.

At best, some localised permanent skin damage, at worst, having his toes or feet cut off to prevent poisonous gangrene travelling around his body.

You say you are already in a colder place and we are heading into winter.

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