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To be mad at DH for spoiling the evening?

(503 Posts)
TeaJunky Sat 28-Sep-13 00:05:16

It's been a long week for both of us. Long hours at work for him and me at home with dd1 (4) and dd2 (10 months).

DH rang earlier to say he's taking us out to dinner to our favourite Chinese restaurant which is in a huge shopping mall. I had an exchange to do for dd2's clothes and thought I'd get it sorted while we were there.

DH arrives home and we are all ready, we get to the restaurant in good spirits and DH comments on how we're going to have a nice fun evening after a long hard week. We eat and enjoy the meal. Then we walk into the shopping mall and i tell DH I'd like to do the exchange now to which he agrees.

We go to the shop and I start to look for some clothes I can exchange with and DH starts to look antsy but he's ok. I continue looking, and ask his opinion on a couple of outfits to which he gives helpful answers. I choose some clothes then say, I'm just going to take one last look on that side and then I'm done, and he gets really annoyed. He said, 'this is what you always do. This is what you did on holiday'. Then he sat there with a face on while I looked (for the whole of 2 minutes), and waited outside with dd1 while I did the exchange.

When I came out I was annoyed and he was in a big huff and we argued hmm

I'm really upset at how impatient he was being. I'd only been in the shop for a maximum of 20 minutes. I'm the one who usually does all the shopping and clothes buying and so what if he had to 'waste' 20 minutes of his precious time while I BOUGHT CLOTHES FOR OUR CHILD.

He said I always try to dominate every situation and that I ruined the plans, and we were supposed to be having family fun time. I asked him what plans and he said 'what's the fucking point in asking now'.

We drove home in silence (with dd1 chattering away to herself in the back) and have both come to bed without talking. hmm

fortyplus Sat 28-Sep-13 00:08:28


MzPixielated Sat 28-Sep-13 00:08:34

He's being a twat. Tell him to grow up and leave him to stew, pour yourself a huge glass of wine


TeaJunky Sat 28-Sep-13 00:08:37

And may I add, he stopped to buy an Icecream on the way out for dd and didn't offer me one. obviously I could have bought one for myself but it's not how we do it and it's just plain rude and arsey hmm

Famzilla Sat 28-Sep-13 00:08:53

Whilst he was wrong to snap like he did, if DP dragged me clothes shopping after dinner I'd probably have a face on. Especially 20 mins in one shop going round in circles, which it kind of sounds like you were doing. Sorry.

Tbh I wouldn't have been pleased waiting around in a shop for 20 mins whilst you browsed.

quoteunquote Sat 28-Sep-13 00:10:20

I hate shopping, so i understand where he is coming from, at the end of a long week, ending up in a shop looking at clothes, when you want to eat and have fun, I would be horrid.

Do you shop a lot?

FetchezLaVache Sat 28-Sep-13 00:13:04

It was a bit childish of him not to offer you an ice-cream, and it does sound like he's kind of engineered the whole thing to ruin your weekend. That said, I wouldn't have been impressed at 20 minutes in a shop browsing after dinner (or indeed at any other time). Obviously not excusing his reaction, but could you not just have got a credit note and come back and done your leisurely trawl through the shop some other time?

ethelb Sat 28-Sep-13 00:13:10

20 mins is quite a long time to exchange. I exchanged a broken item esrlier this week in less than 2 mins.

TeaJunky Sat 28-Sep-13 00:14:37

Quote - I do shop a lot as I am the one who buys literally every single thing for the home, dcs, gifts etc.

I thought he might even actually enjoy it because he's never been clothes shopping for dd2 , and if I had been him I would have loved to have the chance to do that for once, but obviously he didn't feel that way sad

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 28-Sep-13 00:15:53

DH would have got the arse at this but he would have communicated it netter and bloody got me an ice cream.

knickernicker Sat 28-Sep-13 00:16:05

Even IF you were being unreasonable his reaction to it was mean and disproportionate. He almost set you up to fail to prove to you that your purpose in life is to ruin all for him. And how spiteful not to get you an icecream.

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 28-Sep-13 00:16:13

better not netter <sigh>

TeaJunky Sat 28-Sep-13 00:16:28

I meant to add, I usually shop on my own or with friends as he's at work, so it's not as though he's always hanging around waiting for me.

Donkeyok Sat 28-Sep-13 00:18:22

It might seem reasonable to us girlies but he's a bloke. Allergic to shopping. Bless him that it was supposed to be special to him even if he did have a selfish tantrum later. Try to prioritise him in the next plan and don't water it down with other (however sensible) plans. He is probable just trying to recapture some romance with family fun, which lets face it exchanging clothes aint. Best to draw a line under it and buy yourself a tub of Ben and Jerrys to make up for what you missed out on.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sat 28-Sep-13 00:20:31

Enjoy it? clothes shopping really is a chore, not a fun family activity grin I would have been pissed off too, if I had wanted a relaxing time and it turned into ticking off some chores.

I think that he was childish in how he reacted but reading what you wrote, you just decided that you were going to take care of this task while you were there. Practical, yes, but it changed the tone of the evening. Did you discuss it or just drop it on him - we ARE doing this (really really truly honestly dull as bloody ditchwater ! ) task. Id be pissed off if my husband just decided to drag me along to boring chores when I was expecting a nice enjoyable time out.

What did he mean by you 'always' do this? always do what?

BillyGoatintheBuff Sat 28-Sep-13 00:20:40

To be honest where you're thinking he would enjoy it because he never does it is obviously completely wrong! He must avoid shopping coz he hates it! 20 mins is a long time!! But he didn't have to blow his top. You both sound tired and annoyed - try and let it go.

TeaJunky Sat 28-Sep-13 00:24:45

Imtohecsy - he meant that I just change or add my own chores into a planned evening without notice. Which really isn't a huge deal, seriously, it was only 20 bloody minutes.

Is that really so unreasonable??

StElmo Sat 28-Sep-13 00:26:10

So, he wanted to take his family out for a meal and you turned it into a shopping trip? Okay, you wanted to return something but you made him sit around and wait YABU to be 'mad' at him, grow up and learn that not everyone will want to do what you want to do all the time.

TeaJunky Sat 28-Sep-13 00:27:43

The last thing he said was, you just don't understand, you'll never understand'. blush

What a fuckload of huffery over 20 minutes! I'm clearly still seething while he's been sleeping for the past two hours!

Chocolatehunter Sat 28-Sep-13 00:28:53

It sounds like you've both had a long week and are probably tired and a bit oversensitive.

you said your dh mentioned that he had plans which were ruined by going shopping and I'd be interested to know what they were. Overall I don't think either of you were unreasonable except for the ice cream, that's just mean, your husband wasn't anticipating shopping and you could have just got a credit note and enjoyed your family time. I don't know if you'd want my advice but I'd pick my battles and leave this behind. Maybe tomorrow you could jointly plan a family activity and have a good time together.

Salmotrutta Sat 28-Sep-13 00:30:12

I'm of the "get in, pay, get out" shopping brigade.

I'd have walked put and left well before 20 minutes had elapsed.

Who the f* wants to spend 2 minutes on a shop! never mind 20??

And frankly, if you get miffed because you need another adult to buy you an ice cream then you need to look within.

TeaJunky Sat 28-Sep-13 00:30:28

StElmo - buying clothes for our dcs is not my sole responsibility. Just because normally I do it while he's at work doesn't mean it's now something that can't be done together when we ARE together.

MollyBerry Sat 28-Sep-13 00:31:23

YABU I hate shopping. I'm very efficient. Waiting 20 minutes for someone to exchange something would put me in a huff. Even more so if I'd just wanted to go out for dinner

TeaJunky Sat 28-Sep-13 00:32:24

I am really fucking miffed that he didn't offer to buy me an ice cream, yes! angry

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