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to be annoyed that someone I had an affair with, still posts on...

(65 Posts)
ignoreorwhat Fri 27-Sep-13 10:23:11

a facebook page he set up to communicate with me.

As this is aibu, I want to know what you would think. He nearly left his wife for me but didn't in the end, after two years of saying he wanted to, could live without me etc.

It was obviously much more messy than that, and i got hurt, but it's been over a year since i told him where to go, and as far as I've heard his wife and he are making a go of it.

Yet he's taking the piss out of her. The facebook page has photos on it to do with me. Not of me. Messages that he misses me. He is blocked by me btw. I know it still exists as my now partner did a search, and the page is still there.

ignoreorwhat Fri 27-Sep-13 14:06:19

i really do not want anything more to do with him.

MissStrawberry Fri 27-Sep-13 13:57:53

I am completely confused by the issue other than to feel you would go back in a heartbeat and you are annoyed he hasn't been in touch for real but posts on facebook.

ignoreorwhat Fri 27-Sep-13 13:49:46

i havent yet reported as you say it's feeding the fire. so i won't. I shall ignore. thanks for input all.

ignoreorwhat Fri 27-Sep-13 13:48:48

hmm, i really don't care for him, i care about what i did now being on show, but, and believe it or not i care because i think it's a shitty thing to do when you've come clean with someone, and they are in the dark.

i am part of that stupid page. how any 'other' ow would like to be communicating on there with him when it says things like 'i really miss ignoeorwhat' on it i am not sure.

it's gone and finished, yes it hurt, it hurt everyone. what tone i am showing on here, well that's tricky because i don't want sympathy for what i've done. I deserve to be exposed, but it was, back then. and as far as she knew it was done with and he makes me very angry.

AngelsLieToKeepControl Fri 27-Sep-13 13:46:08

If he hasn't used your surname then fb won't delete the page, even if he had the most they would do is take down the post anyway.

He will get some notification it has been reported, it will be obvious to him who it was, so you have played right into his hands now.

ignoreorwhat Fri 27-Sep-13 13:42:33

no you're right, i shouldn't be surprised.

EllaFitzgerald Fri 27-Sep-13 13:21:54

So you were ok with his awful behaviour when you wanted to have an affair with him, but now you've moved on, you're surprised that he's not suddenly a paragon of virtue?

Cravey Fri 27-Sep-13 12:49:55

Oh wow. You sound so lovely. NOT .

WilsonFrickett Fri 27-Sep-13 11:54:30

He loves the drama. Loves the feeling he's getting something over on his W. Probably loves the fact he can jerk your chain too.

Don't let him, learn your lesson - cheaters aren't nice people - and move on.

Birdsgottafly Fri 27-Sep-13 11:39:22

He isn't just taking the piss outbid his wife, he is doing it ( and has done it to you).

It isn't there because he secretly loves you and wants to be with you, if that is what you are hoping.

It is a lot less effort to start up where you two left off, than have to go through finding someone who will put up with being the OW, to put it bluntly. He has sussed out what he can do without it ending his marriage. He might even live his wife, but needs a hobby to give him a boost.

If I was your new partner I would be very worried about why you concerned yourself with this and re-evaluating how serious you are towards having a proper relationship.

He may be keeping hold of it incase your single again and up to being his distraction from RL, don't kid yourself that you are anything more.

Buzzardbird Fri 27-Sep-13 11:38:27

Was he really into photography?

Beastofburden Fri 27-Sep-13 11:35:21

Of course you are irritated that he is still talking about it, because you now look back and think, what was I thinking? You would like the whole episode to vanish off the face of the earth. I do have sympathy because we are all allowed to make mistakes and it is hard when they come back to haunt us. But all you can do is say, Yes, I was wrong, I really regret this now. You can't realistically expect privacy.

Back in the (pre-internet) day he would be down the pub gossiping about you to his mates. You can't prevent that if you have a history with him. It is part of the pain of that kind of situation.

Yes, people may find out about it, this way or some other way, and you might be a bit embarrassed if they do. His wife would suffer more though, so you just have to hope he cares enough about her to STFU about this. He clearly isn't the kind of guy to behave decently otherwise.

Groovee Fri 27-Sep-13 11:32:14

my friend asked him to delete it in june, it went, but it's back again.

He's met someone else and has reactivated it to use it for the new relationship, is what that comment screams to me.

hashtagwhatever Fri 27-Sep-13 11:23:20

you must care to check?.

he must care to post?

ignoreorwhat Fri 27-Sep-13 11:17:28

the page was something he set up to contact me for only a few weeks when it all came to a head. a year ago. the photo's were shared back then.

then after it was over, i thought it had gone. my stupid big headed curiosity got the better of me to look again in june if it was there. it was with bells on.

WeAreSeven Fri 27-Sep-13 11:15:09

Send his wife a screenshot of it?

ignoreorwhat Fri 27-Sep-13 11:14:54

he did tell the wife he wanted to leave, but they decided to work on it.

maybe he's playing a stupid game so he'll get chucked out should she find it. my surname isn't involved.

ClutchingPearls Fri 27-Sep-13 11:11:52

I think he still wants to get caught. He's getting more risky by adding your name and his pictures. It's basically a log of your affair, when the wife finds it its all cataloged for her. She will find it, he wants her to.

If someone mentions you had an affair with someone. a Facebook search of your name will bring it up for her or her friends.

My guess is he wants it all to explode for both the relationships to come to an end, together. Leaving you and him single again.

ignoreorwhat Fri 27-Sep-13 11:08:42

it feels more like he's obsessing about me, and tbh i was very blind, it is, looking back, his nature to obsess. as he wouldn't leave me alone back then.

ignoreorwhat Fri 27-Sep-13 11:07:25

I've not been obsessing if it's something i've just found out. i am angry right now. small town, new(ish) partner knows him. friend who asked him to delete it knows all of us.

deepfriedsage Fri 27-Sep-13 11:05:26

His poor wife. Report. Why are you and your new guyobsessing over your ex mm?

ignoreorwhat Fri 27-Sep-13 10:51:48

oh i think self flagellation is within reason, well was. i prob have got hangups, but there it is.

if i report it, i hope it's annonymous.

ignoreorwhat Fri 27-Sep-13 10:48:47

and i did ignore, but curiosity got the better of me and i the rug got pulled from under me, i couldn't believe it was there again. neither do i know how long it was deleted for.

ok. i'm off. will report it. small town.

Dahlen Fri 27-Sep-13 10:48:19

Well either you have an incredibly thick skin or you're into self-flagellation wink but I suspect the reason the FB page is still up is precisely because he knew you would check it. As indeed you have.

You've got your new partner checking it out, which is weird in itself. You say you're truly over it, but quite obviously you aren't. Maybe you're over him but clearly you're not over the sense of rejection (that he wouldn't leave his wife). I think you need to stop looking, stop asking your friends to get involved by communicating with him (which just keeps the link between you two going) and completely sever your life from his. Only then will you send the message that nothing he does will bring you back for more fun on the side.

BeCool Fri 27-Sep-13 10:48:16

YABU to think anyone here might care.

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