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AIBU to ask my brother to strip the bed in the spare room.

(30 Posts)
ShakeRattleNRoll Fri 27-Sep-13 00:16:44

AIBU to ask my brother to strip the bed in the spare room at my mothers after he has stayed there? We both stay there from time to time but I get so fed up of having to strip his bed when I want to stay there.I feel he should do it himself.At the end of the day it is my Mothers house and what she says goes and if she tells him to leave the bed made up he will.I know I must respect my mothers wishes but it doesn't half annoy me.Your views please?

Crowler Fri 27-Sep-13 06:54:39

Ugh. I don't have a brother so I can't exactly relate, but I would be extremely grossed out by smelling a man other than my husband in my bed. Just gross.

I think it's pretty standard to strip a bed as you're leaving someone's home. If your host is on the tightly-wound end of the housekeeping spectrum, it's obvious. If they're laid back and you think it's possible they intend not to change the sheets gross then you can just ask.

Brittabot Fri 27-Sep-13 06:49:26

Why don't you both agree to leave the sheets on after a stay but change the sheets before using the bed? That way if it is your brother staying again he can leave them on, and you'll always have lovely fresh sheets when you stay.

DropYourSword Fri 27-Sep-13 03:48:34

I wouldn't be expecting him to change the sheets every time he stays if he assumes he's going to be the next one in the bed either. I would only expect him to do it if he was aware you'd be there next. Otherwise it's would be very costly to do unnecessary washing. I think some posters are being a bit unfair to the brother!

Is there anyway you can both come up with a schedule so he knows when you'll be there?

Lj8893 Fri 27-Sep-13 03:39:24

So you expect your brother to strip the bed everytime he stays there (once a week you said) just in case you might stay over in the meantime?

I'm sorry but no, i wouldn't expect my brother to do it every time. I would expect him to change the sheets every so often as he is the main user of the bed but no way every week when the chances are he will be the next person to sleep in it!

I think you will just have to suck it up. After all it benefits you, nobody else.

Morloth Fri 27-Sep-13 03:18:37

Is this really worth stressing your Mum about?


ShakeRattleNRoll Fri 27-Sep-13 00:59:31

Thanks Ceris, that is the system we have in place(separate sheets) it's just that my mother tells him to leave his sheets on because she thinks he will be the next to sleep in it and not me.

Cerisier Fri 27-Sep-13 00:53:49

I would do the same as your mother under the circumstances. It sounds like the probability you are the next person in the bed is less than half. I wouldn't want to create another load of washing and ironing needlessly at my age, let alone hers.

One solution would be for you to both have your own pillows with pillowcases on. Then for one of you to have two flat sheets that you put in between the existing bedding and use. Then just fold up the sheets in the morning and use them a few times before washing. This would be no different from putting clean sheets on top of mattress protectors.

Or you could take a sleeping bag and keep it in a cupboard.

My MIL brings her own bedding every time she stays to save me the work of washing the bedding. I do tell her I can manage but she still insists.

imnotwhoyouthinkiam Fri 27-Sep-13 00:50:52

Ahh, your mother is elderly and disabled, in that case your brother should strip the bed when he's been in it. Cheeky so.and so

ShakeRattleNRoll Fri 27-Sep-13 00:49:18

Thanks for all the sound advice I think I need to do what my mother asks me to do at the end of the day because it is her house even though it annoys me.

AgentZigzag Fri 27-Sep-13 00:46:37

'i do the majority of caring for my elderly mother.'

The OP is doing the lions share of the caring for her mum Maria.

ShakeRattleNRoll Fri 27-Sep-13 00:46:34

rofl wet dog over you're and your

ShakeRattleNRoll Fri 27-Sep-13 00:45:58

LOL zig zag thanks for the advice smile

Wet dog that is the system we have in place (we both have separate bed sheets) but it's just my brother being a git

WetDog Fri 27-Sep-13 00:44:00

Apologies for mixing up your and you're - dyslexia and typing too fast blush

ShakeRattleNRoll Fri 27-Sep-13 00:43:40

I do it all anyhow Maria angry sad

Thanks for your post smile

AgentZigzag Fri 27-Sep-13 00:43:07

Aww, if she's going to strip it to save the hassle I think I'd just do the fucking thing with gritted teeth.

It won't change him being an arse unfortunately.

Can't you leave him some teazles in it or something as a reminder? grin

WetDog Fri 27-Sep-13 00:42:20

Then you need to tell him he needs to change the bed then when he leaves - you're mum shouldn't be doing it and neither should you.

Can't you have a set of sheets each, and both of you strip them and put them away after you've both stayed? Then you don't need to wash them after each stay.

MariaLuna Fri 27-Sep-13 00:40:26

You should not be expected to have to sleep in your brothers funky bedsheets..

Is it a dynamic in your family that the men get left off while the women do the domestic work? (wouldn't surprise me).

Or maybe your mum just can't be fucked to have to act like a B&B...? I don't blame her. She doesn't owe it either by now while you are both grown up.

If it was me, I wouldn't want to sleep in his sheets, I would ask him to strip the bed, but expect to have to make it up and wash the bedclothes myself. At least he can leave them in the washing basket....

No reason why you can't start a conversation about him cleaning the bed, or you would be furthering the "precious little boy" syndrome.

the day will come when you both going to need to take care of her, may as well have that conversation now, who does what, or you will find you are doing it all

ShakeRattleNRoll Fri 27-Sep-13 00:38:55

My mother who is nearly eighty and severly disabled will strip the bed to avoid arguments but this is exactly what i don't want her doing when my brother and I should be doing this . It does annoy me about him not pulling his weight with my mother but i refuse to strip his dirty linen from the bed he has used.

ShakeRattleNRoll Fri 27-Sep-13 00:36:13

I agree zigzag stripping it after 1 night is excessive.My mother doesn't think that if he leaves it I will strip it.It's just that she thinks he will be the next person sleeping in it because i'm never sure when I'm going to stay there.She's guessing everytime about this

WetDog Fri 27-Sep-13 00:34:02

Hmmm, you say he does little for her. Is it more about that, than the actual bed sheets?

As in, she thinks he should leave the linen where it is for you to strip, as she isn't able to do it? She'd expect you to change the bed rather than him doing it?

I can understand where you're coming from if that's the case.

AgentZigzag Fri 27-Sep-13 00:31:53

Ah, so your mums really saying 'Don't bother stripping it, SRR will do it'.

Yeah, I can see how that'd grate, the lazy arse. (your brother, not your mum grin)

If it was a need your mum had to care for him in some small way I could understand it, but if you're doing it it's a bit off.

Stripping it after one stay every week seems a bit excessive though.

ShakeRattleNRoll Fri 27-Sep-13 00:31:47

Yes i would say he does stay there more often than me and on a regular basis but again this can vary.My mother tells him to leave the sheets as she thinks he will be the next person to use it.I know it is a minor issue but it is the cherry on the cake. No i don't get help from elsewhere to help my mother. PS My brothers sfter shave and me don't get on (--Not to mention his pig ignorant selfish attitude--)

AngelsLieToKeepControl Fri 27-Sep-13 00:27:30

Is he maybe leaving the bedding on because he stays more frequently than you then?

It sounds like a pretty minor issue tbh, but it also sounds like it may just be the straw that broke the camels back.

Are you getting any help from elsewhere looking after your Mum?

ShakeRattleNRoll Fri 27-Sep-13 00:26:58

I may stay for a few nights at a time and sometimes i won't stay for a couple of weeks it really does vary .Sometimes one night a week no set pattern for me , sometimes i won't stay there for 2weeks

WetDog Fri 27-Sep-13 00:26:34

I wouldn't expect a guest to do it. But if you're mum is asking him to leave it, but then not changing the bed linen herself, I can see why you're peeved.

How long does he stay there for though? I have to be honest, I'd not think twice about sleeping in a bed my DB had slept in for a night or two.

But I suppose it depends on how long he slept in the bed and how riffy he is grin

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