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To think if you say home at 8pm you come home

(42 Posts)
Chattymummyhere Thu 26-Sep-13 20:55:48

Instead I had an over tired child wondering why daddy did not come home to out him to bed... The answer because his too busy bloody bowling than to stick to his deal!!

Wibu to lock the shite out purely because of how much he has upset our child?

Chattymummyhere Fri 27-Sep-13 12:57:18

Ok I was was bu my mumsnet vote

The back story was on Tuesday he said he was not going to go as I have been really ill, yesterday morning he decides he is dispite the fact I was still very ill. We thought it started at 7pm which meant he would of been here to put the kids to bed then I could just basically go to bed but then found out it started at 6pm so he said he would be back for 8 to put our eldest to bed, as by the time he normally gets in the children are in the bath just about to go to bed so it's the only thing he ever really does with then on weekdays.

Dh is always always late he barely gets him self to work on time and has 6 different alarms that he hits snooze on, do I believe it won't happen again? No he properly will be late again...

Do I believe the story about the friend yes I do, his the only single guy out of the ones who went and is the type of person who wouldn't want anything to take the shine of his plan for a night, we get it all the time and I've seen the texts when dh does not want to go play football about "how his letting the team down" his not on the team, "he will fuck everything up if he does not turn up", "he must come and play or else" those types of texts.

I text asking firstly if I could pass a message on to dh, I never went in all guns blazing, once I had a response from the friend I text my message just fact fully telling him that our child was very upset and wanted his daddy, I sent no more texts after that one.

As you can guess I did not lock him out, I was not angry infront of my child I got him into bed and told him daddy should be home very soon to come give him a kiss goodnight as that was the only thing that stopped his meltdown, I was disappointed for my child who was so upset that his daddy did not stick to their deal.

FunnysInLaJardin Fri 27-Sep-13 13:06:52

how old is your child Chatty? If he is old enough to tell the time then really he should be beyond getting upset because his Dad is home late. If not then the fact that your DH was late home must have come from you, and although you may have been angry it is up to you to diffuse the situation wrt your child and put your child to bed with the promise that daddy would sya goodnight as soon as he got home.

I suspect though that there is far more history to this than you have said

PatriciaHolm Fri 27-Sep-13 13:16:11

Oh my word. Are you 12? "wahhhh you're not my friend any more!"

Your DH is perfectly capable of telling the time, and coming home on his own. His mate was rude, but the problem here (and it's only a small one anyway) was your DH not coming home when he said he would. Sounds like you have wound yourself (and your son) up to the point where you can no longer see the wood for the trees.

Chattymummyhere Fri 27-Sep-13 13:19:25

The child is 4, we marked on paper what the time looks like, we do this for lots of things so he can start to learn, he is also always told 15minutes before bedtime that it is bedtime, he was already kept up late for dh as dh wanted to but him to bed, all children are normally fed 5:30, bath 6-6:30, bed for 7pm.

So dh had already made it a big deal for our child for extending bedtime on a school night as he can be very grumpy in the morning without enough sleep but I said fair enough as you really want to and he wants you too he can stay up till 8 but you cannot be late putting him to bed.

Oh and to someone else who asked no I am never late when it comes to my children, they come first they are my priority and letting them down is not something I accept lightly by anyone, dh has all the mouth when anyone else lets them down but evidently last night was happy to do so himself.

Anyway me and dh have spoken the house is in harmony, dh is taking our child out to buy a certain toy to say sorry for lying (as rightly so we are teaching that lying and letting people down is wrong) just thought I would respond to any questions.

Mojavewonderer Fri 27-Sep-13 13:21:00

Hahahahahaha jeez lighten up love! 'Your not my friend anymore whaaa whaaa whaaa!' Grow up!

DidoTheDodo Fri 27-Sep-13 13:22:33

Tinpin Thu 26-Sep-13 23:00:46

Spot on.

Chattymummyhere Fri 27-Sep-13 13:22:57


This friend should of been gone along time ago to be honest things have just been getting worse and worse with them. So yes I do no longer want anything to do with said person.

Hardly makes me 12 to not want someone like that around me, with the trouble they have caused over years

KhunZhoop Fri 27-Sep-13 13:54:04

Wow. Insane much?

flowery Fri 27-Sep-13 13:59:42

If DH had already promised to be home by 8 I fail to understand how the friend is responsible.

viperslast Fri 27-Sep-13 14:06:08

Your child is getting a toy because your dh was late? (He didn't lie he just didn't follow through, it would be a lie if he said it intending to not be there).

I understand teaching a child to follow through on promises but I fail to see how buying him off does that?

Viviennemary Fri 27-Sep-13 14:12:50

This is a massive over-reaction. Your DP isn't your child. But if it's part of general inconsideration then that's different.

Lj8893 Fri 27-Sep-13 14:21:35

But why was it so important for your DH to put him to bed in the first place? If you hadnt have had that arrangement in place, then he wouldn't have needed to say an exact time he would be back and then he wouldn't be late back and your ds wouldn't be upset!

I agree the mate was out of order but YABU to let it get that far in the first place.

Sallykitten Fri 27-Sep-13 14:33:09

Jesus Christ, how controlling? He's back a little bit late and a mate forgot to pass on a message so you're making him grovel and banning him from seeing his best mate again?

If my husband did that to me he would be straight out the door.

WorraLiberty Fri 27-Sep-13 14:54:58

Tbh if he started hammering on the door I would call the police I reckon that's very threatening behaviour more so when I know bowling also includes alcoholic drinks..

Oh don't be so ridiculous!

If he locked you out of your home tonight, would you not bang on the door? hmm

And all the Police would do is tell you to stop breaking the law, and let him in!

cestlavielife Fri 27-Sep-13 15:01:43

you know he is always late.

so never ever promise ds that dad will be home to put him to bed when dad has gone out for the evnening.


if dad says oh but i will be back keep him up - just say no.
then if he comes back on time eg seven pm fine, if he doesnt, no worries.

are you hapy to live with someone who is always late and unreliable?
does he redeem himself in other ways?

Chattymummyhere Fri 27-Sep-13 16:10:47

I've not banned dh was seeing his mate he works with him everyday that would be stupid, I've said I don't want to see his friend after a build up of a lot of things and this.

I never made him say he would be home for 8 to our child he said it to him not me, I would of been quite happy to put him to bed at 7, the bedtime is a big deal to the children because that's pretty much the only time they see their farther on weekdays again nothing to do with me, dh has always said bedtimes are his thing he does with the children due to his work.

I'm not making him buy the to the has said he will, I just told him he should not be letting the children down.

I agree I was bu to say I would lock him out however I'm not the one who made a promise to their child and let them down I fail to see how him upsetting our child is my fault, so don't get quite why that is the thing on the main that it's my fault my child was upset ...

Yes when he is here he is great, it's the general "relaxed" attitude to time keeping that is the issue in his whole life, late getting up, late to things he wants to go too, late to family events arranged by his parents etc

ZingWantsCake Fri 27-Sep-13 16:37:34


have you sorted it then?

I can see how your DH promising to your son to be home before bedtime and then not keeping to it upset your son and how feeling sorry for your son made you angry.

I agree with the pp that in future don't let your DH make such promises.
it's pointless, there could have been a dozen other reasons for Dad to be late and Son would have been upset in every situation.

he is 4 so he needs to understand that sometimes things change.

I personally never promise anything to my kids precisely because I can never tell what might happen that will make it impossible to keep that promise.

teach him this: "I promise you that I will always love you. Everything else is a plan and plans change"

I hope your DH can get some help re his time-management issues.
he is an adult. he should be able to get up, arrive at work, return home etc on time.

good luck

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