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I am prepared to be told I am being precious but AIBU?

(39 Posts)
ShadeofViolet Thu 26-Sep-13 18:32:04

Background - I am a SAHM, DH is SE and works away from home sometimes, but is home for this week (and the next 5 weeks if that makes any difference). We have DD age 4 and DS2 and 6 (DS1 is 12)

This morning I have a very upset DS (he has ASD and is a school refuser) and an upset DD (just started school and having a bit of a wobble). i aSKED DH if he could help me walk them to school - I have to carry DS most of the way when he is school refusing. dh says he cant, because he wants to get to the barbers and have his hair cut, and if he waits then he will be in a queue. SO i walk the mile to school, carrying a heavy DS while trying to console them both. DD goes into school sobbing and DS is shouting. Once they have gone in I stand in the playground and cry.

Would this upset you? On the one hand I know I am a SAHM and this is my 'job', but I am so fucked off at his attitude and leaving me to struggle alone, and it is a struggle some days. He is off on a boys golfing weekend this week and I feel like changing the locks (I wont, but still!)

JamieandtheMagicTorch Thu 26-Sep-13 18:54:48

What happens at the weekends/evenings?

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 26-Sep-13 18:58:09

It is really hard when the child favours one parent and that is the parent that habitually does the shitwork. However, he could have made it a big deal to have them show him their school again, to want to come as a special treat and so on. It could have made things a lot easier.

Repeatedlydoingthetwist Thu 26-Sep-13 19:00:57

Change the locks! What a dick. YANBU.

christinarossetti Thu 26-Sep-13 19:02:22

If you need his help with the school run over the next few weeks, you need to tell him and come to some agreement about sharing the load.

PippaMiddleton Thu 26-Sep-13 19:04:22

Right, so you being a SAHM absolves your DH of all parental responsibilities?

He needs a reality check - and fast.


JamieandtheMagicTorch Thu 26-Sep-13 19:08:01

Do you think he feels unconfident? If so, Practice makes Perfect

WafflyVersatile Thu 26-Sep-13 19:13:20

What does SE mean?

I'd suggest you suggest this 6 weeks would be a good time for him to get some practice in on the school run and being the one that sorts out your DS and a few other parenting responsibilities with you there too, to support. As this will help him cope if you die or run away with the circus or, oh, I dunno, have a day off.

ComeIntoTheGardenMaud Thu 26-Sep-13 19:14:31

Your h sounds selfish and vain. Not a good combo.

GatoradeMeBitch Thu 26-Sep-13 19:14:34

Is it possible your DS gets his ASD from your DH? It can be genetically carried down, my DS definitely got it form his Dad! It could explain why he does things like this?

JamieandtheMagicTorch Thu 26-Sep-13 19:19:28


Had not thought of that.

BumgrapesofWrath Thu 26-Sep-13 19:25:25

YANBU. However, if I want my DH to do something I am pretty insistent about it, so maybe you should be a bit more assertive.

raisah Thu 26-Sep-13 19:52:50

If your son has ASD you could apply for school transport if your area has the facility. It will give you & him some stability, routine and breathing space. I got it for my ds, xall your LEQ & see if its not too late for this term. It is tough having to do the school ru. With reluctant kids, particularly one with additional needs & your dh should be more supportive.

WhoNickedMyName Thu 26-Sep-13 19:59:59

I can't imagine having that conversation with my DH, him coming up with that totally shit excuse, and me going "um ok" and taking the children to school on my own.

Do you have problems being assertive in general, or just with your selfish cock of a DH?

NoSquirrels Thu 26-Sep-13 20:00:27

Both my DH and I are self-employed and sometimes work from home, sometimes from an office. Regardless of who is officially on "childcare duty" that day, we would both help out even if it wasn't our "turn" to do the school run.

I would be disgusted if my partner and father of my children gave me the line about needing to be in a barbers shop early so as not to queue. He is working from home, he could have juggled. What a prize arse.

Are you booking a weekend off sometime too? I would.

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