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To have organised my daughters birthday in this way?

(271 Posts)
JeremySmile Thu 26-Sep-13 14:14:44

My 6 year old wanted a party with themed crafts for the girls and then a bouncy castle with the boys. Rather than having the boys waiting around/distracting from the crafts (can't afford to do crafts for boys and girls particularly as the boys in question very likely wouldn't be interested in crafts) I sent the invitations with different arrival times for boys and girls. The girls get 1.5 hours to do the girly things, then the boys join them for the remaining 2 hours of the party for food, games and the bouncy castle. No one that's invited has a boy and girl to bring, so it doesn't make life difficult for anyone. However, one of the boys mums has commented that he'll be 'upset' that he didn't get to be there for the whole party. AIBU in doing this?
Also, my daughter handed out the invitations at the end of the school day and they were a bit different to usual invitations (not just your standard envelope) and two of her classmates were crying because they hadn't received one. There are 30 children in my daughters class so no way I could afford to invite them all, my dd had written a list of who she wanted to invite based on who she plays with. Neither of the crying children had invited dd to their party, yet their mums both gave me filthy looks and were making a big deal of consoling them. First of all I felt bad and that maybe I should've made more effort to hand the invitations to the mums of invited children discreetly, but then dd pointed out that she didn't cry when she wasn't invited to their parties, and 'they've got to understand they can't have everything in life at some point'. These children had handed out their invitations at school too. AIBU for doing this and thinking the dirty looks aren't justified?

sheridand Sun 29-Sep-13 16:30:48

I have an upper limit of 10. Always. If I can wangle it, I go for less than that and sleepovers. Not being invited is a fact of life. However, in the "Alice in Wonderland" themed do I did for dd last time, 3 invitees were boys. They just mucked in and walloped the croquet balls, and thoroughly enjoyed painting roses red. It didn't even occur to me that they wouldn't like doing the crafts, and they all went home with sparkly pink Cheshire Cat masks they'd made. My DS made one too. Surely if they made wands they would just be wizard wands?

This year i'm hoping to get away with days out instead....

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Sun 29-Sep-13 11:52:58

SP grin Though I do like your idea of a castle for the Princesses smile I'll have the turret - high high high in the sky so I can sleep in peace!

WaitMonkey Sun 29-Sep-13 11:16:20

midnite, that little boy sounds wonderful. smile

SPBisResisting Sun 29-Sep-13 11:13:55

I geddit now.

QuintessentialShadows Sun 29-Sep-13 11:10:04

oh yes, you could have supplied billy goats for the bridge, would be fun!

Jaynebxl Sun 29-Sep-13 11:08:39

We did a craft and bouncy castle party for dd5 and invited boys and girls. They all did everything and it lasted 2 hours. Quite long enough for a party.

Incidentally I wonder if the op has come across any of the campaigns about keeping toys gender neutral rather than stereotyping.

shushpenfold Sun 29-Sep-13 10:52:22

Gosh - can't think of anything to say to this.....mouth won't work!

SPBisResisting Sun 29-Sep-13 10:50:56

Or a huge fairy castle in which the princesses could bake, clean and be rescued

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Sun 29-Sep-13 10:48:17

You could have let the boys come early too and built something - like a bridge maybe?

Thesouthernwindisblowing Sun 29-Sep-13 10:42:39

For dd's 6th party we had most of it as crafts and invited mixture of boys and girls. They decorated biscuits and a tshirt each and these then became what they took home. The boys equally enjoyed the craft bit as the girls did and it never occurred to me to separate them. Maybe as I am a teacher and get that doing crafts isn't a gender thing. If I knew your set up I wouldn't send dd. There is enough segregation, stereotyping out there in society I cannot protect her from. No way would I send her to a party planned this way.

SPBisResisting Sun 29-Sep-13 10:33:31

"LeslieKnope Thu 26-Sep-13 14:20:57

Are the girls going to tidy up the aftermath of the party too while the boys retire to the drawing room for cigars and brandy??"

What a good idea! You should be a party planner!
I haven't read the full thread, hoping this has been revealed as a reverse...

QuintessentialShadows Sun 29-Sep-13 10:32:19

Any moment now OP will be back to tell us what a hit the party was, and how the other parents worship her for her ingenuity.

MidniteScribbler Sun 29-Sep-13 10:29:38

There was a gift list with the invitation wasn't there? Go on, I bet there was!

This reminds me of a few years ago when I was doing a unit about elections and politics with my year three class. The students were set the task of making placards about the issues that were important to them. One little boy proudly held up his completed work, covered in glitter and sequins, which said "Boys can like pink!" grin

misskatamari Sun 29-Sep-13 10:25:02

Sorry their not thereb

misskatamari Sun 29-Sep-13 10:24:32

To be honest OP from what you have said I don't really think you are being unreasonable.

Yes as many posters say lots of boys love crafts and would love to make wings/wands but you say that you know the boys who are invited to this party and know it's not there thing. If that's the case I think fair enough. Yes many boys love crafty things but again many don't.

It doesn't sound like you are having this amazing secret first party that boys will then be allowed to attend for the dregs at the end like some are making out. The best friends are doing some crafting and then later on the party will get going, have lots of food and fun and bouncing on the bouncy castle.

I can understand some kids feeling left out due to the invites - wands and telescopes for most kids and you get nothing - I can understand them feeling a bit second rate.

Overall though to me it doesn't sound like the big outrageous gender segregating big deal that some are so irate about.

Saying that - I can understand why people are getting so annoyed about it as I do personally hate all the boys/girls gender stereotyping crap that so many people seem to believe and if it was me I would be doing crafts for all who wanted to and like the ideas mentioned above of either having everything on at once or giving activity timings on the invites and saying "welcome at whatever bits you want".

As I said, your example and what you have posted about knowing the children, I would stop worrying and just enjoy the day. Maybe in future if you're wondering what others would make if such invites maybe ask AIBU before you decide on things so you can plan accordingly and not be left feeling UR in the aftermath.

EuphemiaLennox Sun 29-Sep-13 09:26:52

Gender segregation of party activities is very weird. I wouldn't like that.

My son's favourite thing is art and craft.

I agree unspoken rule should be small groups for parties fine, but once you've invited more than half the class it starts to get mean to leave others out, particularly if you're publicly handing out unusual very appealing invites.

As an adult in this situation yiud feel a pang of hurt, if you're 6 you'd be very upset and might cry.

Pinkpinot Sun 29-Sep-13 09:18:34

1. you've only invited some of the class, yet blatantly issued completely OTT invitations that the uninvited children couldn't help but notice.
Have you not heard of discretion?!
2. You've created an A list and B list
3. The girls are heavily favoured, getting a longer party
4. Different party bags too?

All this as well as the general gender division?

All because its what your daughter wants!

I actually agree that children should be able to deal with the disappointment of not being invited to everything, but 6/7 is still a bit young for this and who made you God and put you in charge of these kids emotions?
And frankly fairy wands waving in the playground is really rubbing their noses in it

skittycat Sun 29-Sep-13 09:12:49

I think you are being a tad unreasonable regarding the crafts... wands and wings arent just 'girly'.... see Harry Potter and your more creepy types of wing.

If I was a parent of one of the boys I don't think id bother sending my son... it would come across like the boys are either not really wanted there or an afterthought. And no doubt a big present would still be expected.

Also - 1.5 hours for a crafting activity? I hope you've got lots of crafts planned for that time. I run 1 hour craft sessions for 8 year olds occasionally and they need 2-3 activities to keep them entertained.

FlorenceMattell Sun 29-Sep-13 07:29:16

One things certain I expect the mums at OPs school are having a good laugh. I wonder how many will turn up for the party. IMO at this age you invite only the children your child is friends with. Thus you give the invitation to their parent - after school drop off, play dates etc. it is an unkind, rude and bad mannered parent who flaunts invitations infront of children who have not been invited imo.

DalmationDots Sat 28-Sep-13 23:35:03

My son would have loved to make a wand. And my DD would have hated it. DD would much prefer to jump on the bouncy castle.

Pagwatch Sat 28-Sep-13 22:50:23

What a pile of over blown, self indulgent horse shit.

Twattybollocks Sat 28-Sep-13 22:43:40

Why not just have a craft table where both the boys and girls get to make whatever they like? My daughter wouldn't be seen dead waving a wand, sword or bow and arrow possibly but not a wand. Did you stop to think that not all girls like pink sparkly shit and some boys actually do like crafts?
No problem with the invitations tho, kids do have to learn at some point that they can't be invited to everything.

hels71 Sat 28-Sep-13 22:17:13

My DD wanted to do butterfly crafts at her party (she adores making things!!) it was her idea to make sure there were also some bugs and spider things for the boys she invited (very boyish boys!!) who very much enjoyed creating spider masks to scare everyone!! Boys can like making too you know! We only invited as many as I could afford, yellow moon was brilliant, it eventually worked out as all the girls from her class at school and the boys were two she has played with from birth from different schools.
I think that only inviting 18 is fine......they can't all go to everything, but different times is just weird....if you can't afford craft for all then just invite as many as you can....

Balaboosta Sat 28-Sep-13 21:45:45

Yea, verily, I return to thread and find - alas! - ye hath not repented of ye olde fashioned wayes, not by a cat's whisker. And lo I doth conclude that ye are medieval. Oh yay oh yay!

kali110 Fri 27-Sep-13 22:54:55

I dont think there was anything wrong with having the wands as invites. Op couldnt invite the whole class, just because some of the kids werent invited doesnt mean her dd couldnt have nice special invites.
As op said her dd wasnt invited to all the parties and im sure there would have been lovely invites then too.

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