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To have organised my daughters birthday in this way?

(271 Posts)
JeremySmile Thu 26-Sep-13 14:14:44

My 6 year old wanted a party with themed crafts for the girls and then a bouncy castle with the boys. Rather than having the boys waiting around/distracting from the crafts (can't afford to do crafts for boys and girls particularly as the boys in question very likely wouldn't be interested in crafts) I sent the invitations with different arrival times for boys and girls. The girls get 1.5 hours to do the girly things, then the boys join them for the remaining 2 hours of the party for food, games and the bouncy castle. No one that's invited has a boy and girl to bring, so it doesn't make life difficult for anyone. However, one of the boys mums has commented that he'll be 'upset' that he didn't get to be there for the whole party. AIBU in doing this?
Also, my daughter handed out the invitations at the end of the school day and they were a bit different to usual invitations (not just your standard envelope) and two of her classmates were crying because they hadn't received one. There are 30 children in my daughters class so no way I could afford to invite them all, my dd had written a list of who she wanted to invite based on who she plays with. Neither of the crying children had invited dd to their party, yet their mums both gave me filthy looks and were making a big deal of consoling them. First of all I felt bad and that maybe I should've made more effort to hand the invitations to the mums of invited children discreetly, but then dd pointed out that she didn't cry when she wasn't invited to their parties, and 'they've got to understand they can't have everything in life at some point'. These children had handed out their invitations at school too. AIBU for doing this and thinking the dirty looks aren't justified?

kali110 Thu 26-Sep-13 22:41:26

If she thought the boys were interested but didnt invite them
Because they were boys then i would think yabu

MaddAddam Thu 26-Sep-13 22:46:22

Yabu. I have dds who practically rioted at a party where the girls were invited to make tutus and the boys surfboards, they insisted on surfboards. And at several parties they disrupted the party bag dynamics by pinching the blue bags and ignoring the pink ones.

There are many children who don't conform to gender stereotypes. And adults.

BaldricksTurnip Thu 26-Sep-13 22:52:05

I have a friend who did the weird 'girls only' party thing. She even blatently handed out invites in front if my DS (not at school but in group of friends). She invited my friends DD but not her two DS's! Needless to say she won't be getting any invites from us to anything else- ever. Mad as a box of frogs.

BaldricksTurnip Thu 26-Sep-13 22:53:28

*of. Fecking iphone.

cerealqueen Thu 26-Sep-13 22:56:42

YABU. Bizarre and so much work for yourself. When did parties get so complicated? They used to be about cake and balloons.

You are the parent and have to reign in your DD's expectations, especially when they cause confusion and come across as rude. What will your daughter come up with next year?

Sparklymommy Fri 27-Sep-13 07:33:17

My dds 4th birthday party is quite possibly the easiest party I have ever been to/organised.

We had it at a local play centre. This play centre is not your usual soft play hell, it's more like a cafe cum play group type set up. It has a very good cafe and a big room room with play kitchen, dolls prams, books, a room with soft play and an outdoors area with slides climbing frame, ride ons, sand pits etc. they put a HUGE bouncy castle up too which we had not asked for or expected.

They provided the food, veg sticks, little sandwiches etc and a lolly after and they organised a craft table where the children could make bugs (which were ACE!). The children loved it. The party lasted about two hours and the parents mainly stayed and mingled. For approx 18 children we played £125. That was all inclusive of what I have already mentioned. I provided cake and party bags. They didn't even charge for the "uninvited" siblings.

Boys and girls could do the craft. Boys and girls could push the dolls prams. Boys and girls used the bouncy castle. It was, quite frankly, the BEST party I have ever organised.

Titsalinabumsquash Fri 27-Sep-13 07:36:25

No problem with not inviting everyone but the segregation between the sexes?

I'd not allow my son to go to a party that promotes such sexist bull.

EllaMenOhPea Fri 27-Sep-13 07:50:12

Re not inviting the whole class YANBU.

Re inviting the boys to only half, YABVU. I wouldn't send DS to such a party. I would treat him instead, where he was allowed to do whatever he wanted. I can't believe you have done this - it is beyond ridiculous.

Balaboosta Fri 27-Sep-13 07:55:37

Disappointed that you seem to be holding on to your sexist outlook there, OP. My boy would LOVE to make wands and wings. You lack imagination.

EllaMenOhPea Fri 27-Sep-13 08:23:28

Sorry, my fury got the better of me. Of course my son wouldn't be allowed to do 'whatever he wanted' I meant I wouldn't restrict his activity based on his gender grin

lentilweavinghippy Fri 27-Sep-13 08:30:04

You sound delightful.

redskyatnight Fri 27-Sep-13 08:33:28

DD had a princess party when she was 5 (her choice). She invited only girls (her choice).
Her 6 year old brother who had scoffed at the idea of princess parties and pink frilliness made the pinkest, frilliest princess crown there.

What boys say and wha they do are 2 different things.

MrsMook Fri 27-Sep-13 08:42:34

18 out of 30 sounds reasonable if they are the ones that DD plays with.

Excluding boys from the craft is unreasonable. Girls and boys like a mix of activities. Some children are more feminine, some more masculine- their sex is irrelevant to that.

Mnippy Fri 27-Sep-13 08:48:24

Are the girls going to tidy up the aftermath of the party too while the boys retire to the drawing room for cigars and brandy??



If you can't afford crafts for everyone, don't offer crafts for anyone. Or organise a cheaper craft activity.

JammieCodger Fri 27-Sep-13 09:24:16

'they've got to understand they can't have everything in life at some point'

If either of mine had come out with that at age 6 I would have ticked them off for being a little prig.

I'm really intrigued by the "not your standard invitations". I hope to fuck you didn't do balloons or something similar. My daughters both had bouncy castle/craft parties at about that age. They were whole class parties and the craft went on at the same time as the bouncing. Some kids chose not to do the craft (cardboard crowns with loads of sparkly shit) but there was certainly no division on gender lines. I'm getting rather sad at the thought of all the little girls in their sparkly wings rushing up to their parents at the end with an excited 'look what I made, mummy!' while the boys look forlornly on , wondering why they didn't get to make anything. Sob.

PrincessFlirtyPants Fri 27-Sep-13 09:31:05

'they've got to understand they can't have everything in life at some point'

OP, it would be a good thing to remind your DD that this applies to her, too. She should be growing up learning to treat everyone equally regardless of gender/sexuality/age/race/ability/appearance.

YANBU to only invite a proportion of the class.

girliefriend Fri 27-Sep-13 09:38:56

Sorry not read all the pages but why can't you have the crafts going on in one corner so thats kids who want to do that can come along and if they don't can go off and play on the bouncy castle? confused

For my dds 6th bday party we hired a village hall and had craft activities set up in one corner as well as a friends mum doing nails and kids tattoos if they wanted them (boys or girls) and games and stuff going on for the children that wanted to run around and play.

Don't get why you would want to drag a party out for 3 plus hours, parties should be 2 hours max ime!

girliefriend Fri 27-Sep-13 09:41:59

abd fwiw my dd would go to such a party and lose interest in craft stuff after about 5 mins....

not all girls love crafts just as not all boys wouldn't.

ClaimedByMe Fri 27-Sep-13 09:45:05

You think this will work with a bunch of 5/6yo, oh dear, this will be a big learning curve for you...

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza Fri 27-Sep-13 09:47:05

Ok, I need to know how the invitations were so different.

Was it like My Super Sweet 16? Did you hire a clown to pass them out while reciting a personalised poem?

Mumoftwoyoungkids Fri 27-Sep-13 10:24:07

Could you have not written

"Wandmaking 2 -3:30
Tea: 3:30 - 4pm
Bouncy castle 4 - 5:30

All children are welcome to come to some or all of the party."

3birthdaybunnies Fri 27-Sep-13 11:46:00

As OP hasn't yet said in which way the invites were so different, maybe girls boys

WaitMonkey Fri 27-Sep-13 12:37:56

Not inviting 12 out of 30, fine. The rest of it is totally odd and I wouldn't allow my dc to go to such a party. Why can't boys make wands and fairy wings ? Although I have a 6 year old dd and she loves craft but has grown out of fariry thing's, so she wouldn't enjoy that part.
Also, have I got it tight, the girls do craft for 1.5 hour's, then the boys arrive for another 2 hour's ? So a 3.5 hour party ? That alone is crazy.

WaitMonkey Fri 27-Sep-13 12:55:15

I also need to know about the invitations please.

RiotsNotDiets Fri 27-Sep-13 12:59:38

If my daughter was invited to this party, I'd decline. I wouldn't want her thinking that this blatant sexism is acceptable.

They're six ffs can't they be children first before they have to deal with all this shite?

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